[greenrobin]

Bubba goes for days and days without mentioning mom and then suddenly she's all he talks about. I know he loves her and wants to go home. I also know that DFCS is moving toward TPR. Mom has been in and out of rehab 3 times in 5 months. She gets clean for a little while and then goes back down that awful road again. Addiction is a horrible thing.

So, tonight I'm rocking and singing and then tucking in and praying like always and Bubba tells me to get my face away from his face. He wants mom. I swear, it felt like being kicked in the heart.

At 4 years old, he's aware of her addiction issues. I keep telling him she's sick and that she's trying to get better and that she loves him and Sissy very much. I know that much is true. We haven't seen mom since the last weekend in January and the sw can't tell us when we will again. I really want to tell him...........I don't even know. He wants to go to his gf house--the judge told gf no way w/o a homestudy--lots of issues there, too. He also wants to stay here. That one's easy. Until the judge maybe decides to let the bio family try one more time to mess up/get it right with these kids. My little boy's been under DFCS supervision for all but 6 months of his life. My little girl has always been under supervision.

I know stuff happens and changes without warning, but I don't want to kill hope or make things seem like they're going one way or the other. What do you guys say to the children when this happens?

[michsm]

I know you probably wont like my answer but unfortunaely all you can say is "I don't know". I never knew how much I would grow to hate those words. They are the hardest words to say. I had one placement for 2yrs and I don't know became a ritual. DFCS told me it was all I could say. Some days you just have to sit and cry with them while giving the answer. It never gets easier and you can't change the answer until the judge gives the word.

As for his rejecting you I found that the closer they feel twords you (especially when they think of mom at that time) the more they will push away. I had one of my FD's talk to me about the guilt that she would feel when sharing a moment she felt she should be sharing with her mom.

There is a book called Maybe Days: A Book For Children In Foster Care by Jennifer Wilgocki and Marcia Kahn Wright

It may help you. I wish there was some way to magically end the I don't knows and Maybe answers. Good luck.

[Withay]

I find that the best thing is to acknowledge and affirm that they want to see their mom. Then explain, yet again, that they can't see mom 'right now', but that she loves them very much.

I'm sorry that you had to go through the pain of 'being kicked in the heart' tonight. That is so hard.

You have been and are doing a great job with these two precious spirits. Blessings.

[enchansin]

Originally Posted by michsm

As for his rejecting you I found that the closer they feel twords you (especially when they think of mom at that time) the more they will push away.

I know it hurts, But I agree with michsm.
I had a foster son who the minute he started to feel he was apart of our family and was having a good time with me my husband or his foster Grandparents, Uncles & Aunts, he start to feel guilty and get depressed and talk about his bio-family & cry... I remember At my brothers wedding they made him ring bearer and made sure he was in all the photos and even sat at their table, he was having great time.. even danced with me and the bride, then some time at the reception it hit him... Wasn't much we could do or say.. so my husband had to take him back to hotel... to let him cry it out..

Edit- He did get placed finally with a bio uncle he had never meet...