[stevenstwin]

she put together a little package with a letter and some drawings, basically saying that she loves him and really misses her "brother". (this is the 9 year old, by the way -NOT the 15 year old ;-) I don't know if I should let her send it - for two reasons - I think he may just think I'm using her to try to guilt him into feeling bad over his recent choice to cut us off, and I'm afraid she may be very disappointed if she doesn't get a positive response. On the other hand, I think it also won't hurt him any to see that other people have feelings to, and his choices and actions affect them. What do you think?
ps - or, is this just evidence that I'm still stuck and need to get over it? Oh, the horrors, but that DID occur to me right after I hit post! (this all came up because three days ago we drove by him on the street, and as soon as he recognized the car he turned his head and pretended like he hadn't seen us. My DD was with me, of course, so that kind of triggered it).

[lucyjoy]

If she decided to do this on her own, with no input from you, then send it for her from her. Let her know that brother is going through a phase right now where he doesn't understand that being grown up doesn't mean not talking to family. Tell her he may not respond.

If you suggested the idea to her, apologize and tell her it's not a good time to do this as that is manipulative(not saying you would do that, but I know when my kids left home in a not so adult way, things like this often crossed my mind). We want them to know we care and are still here, but sometimes we need to wait until they are ready to hear it-very hard to do.

[enchansin]

Im really not up on your situation but if just a matter that he mad at you, that don't mean he don't wanta hear about your daughter..
I'm not sure if he was bs or fs, if it was fs I would talk with case worker.. she/he may even be able to give him the letter and use it to bring up his feeling why placement didn't work and how he feels about what happened..

[Sam-N-Tony]

I think that it would be good to see that he still does have people that love him. Prepare you daughter to not get a response to him, but most kids even teenagers still have a heart for the younger kids because they haven't really done anything to hurt them. It was a very endearing choice on behalf of your daughter. I think you should go ahead and send it and make sure it's clearly marked from her.

No, you don't need to get over it, your going thru a grieving process, it will all happen in due time.

[mrsred]

I think you should send it. I think A is feeling very alone and un-loved (not because of anything you did or failed to do, but because he feels unlovable). Getting a dose of the unconditional love of a nine year old may be just what his heart needs right now. It seems like a very small thing, but this agape type of love is never wrong, and we don't know which is the little thing that will help his heart begin to heal.

[stevenstwin]

Thank you! She wrote it and had it in an envelope - I said "What do you want to do with it? do you want to mail it, or do you want me to drop it off at school next week?" (I'd already told her we would not stop by his apartment, because I never know who is going to be there). She said, "No, I'll just take it when we go out for groceries. I already said a prayer that we'd run into him.". Uh huh, yeah, whatever *big eye roll*. ..... And then about three blocks down the street, THERE HE WAS!!!! LOL - never underestimate the power of a small child's faith ..and perhaps that was even divine permission to give him the letter :-)

[hesabanana]

How sweet....what did he say?

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by hesabanana

How sweet....what did he say?

He didn't read it while she was standing there - but he was pleasant enough. "What have you got there?" " a package.". "A package? For who?" and she handed it over and he said thank you and ruffled her hair. I didn't speak to him because I figure it's just between him and her. If he decides to respond it'll take him a few days - he always needs plenty of time to process.

[hesabanana]

I am glad he was sweet to her....here's hoping!

[athikers]

awww.. that sounds like a very "big brotherly" response. maybe his relationship to her is not as threatening as yours and it can remain in place and positive despite he's current need to rebel against you.