[excited2adoptsoon]

This might be an odd question. I don't think I could ever change a child's first name... but is it a given you would change the child's last name to your last name?? Or do some adopted children keep their birth last name?

[mommytoEli]

you can do whatever you'd like, but i think it is assumed they will take your last name. i am sure that there are plenty of older children however who would rather stick with their original identity, and i am certain it is possible to do so.

either way...whatever you decide to do, just know that if you completely mess up and your kid is mad later, they can legally change their name to whatever they'd like once they're an adult. this is what comforts my older 2 children as i didn't allow them to change their first names and they really wanted to. i told them i would even pay for it. easy

[Boulderbabe]

I've seen it done both ways. I changed my son's last name to mine. But my friend, who is adopting a Native American kid, is keeping her last name because it is such an important link to her ethnic heritage.

I've also seen it done where the new family name is just added on. One of my friends has a daughter with SIX names now, because both she and her partner added their last names onto the end of their little girl's already long name!

[Mkuhlmann06]

The decision to change or not change a child's name is unique for each situation/family/person. My son is 11. He (nor us) ever once considered changing his first name. When asked by the adoption lawyer what he wanted to do about his name, he wanted our last name and he moved his old last name to his middle name (his old last name is a short 4 letter first name). We were happy with his decision and would have been no matter what it was.

My biggest concern was whether or not he'd want to because his biodad is a JR and he is a III (3rd). We finalized in Oct and just last week when I was pulling out paperwork to make calls regarding his new SS# - he saw his old name and said "I don't ever want to see that name again".

For his safety we changed his SS# too. Especially with father/son having same name. My DH is a JR and stuff ends up on his report that is his dad's (by accident) and vice versa....I can only imagine what biodad could do with my son's old SS#/name - especially since the biodad was convicted of a felony.

[Chancey]

I think it is unique for every situation and age of the child. When our 14 yo was placed we talked to him about it, and of course he had the option to not change any name (first, middle & last) or change any one of them. HE CHOSE to change his whole name! He wanted to take our last name, and his first name is not common in the US, so he is changing that and the middle name.

[hkolln]

In our case our niece is keeping her first name, moving her current last name to her middle name position and taking our last name as her new last name. That way she has all names as one
She actually asked for that if possible so we thought that was a good idea.

[hubbyswife]

We are changing my kids last name to ours. We did that with our oldest daughter when we adopted. When she heard that my last name was the same last name as her... the excitement in her eyes was priceless to me.... for us we made the right decision... but our kids are young....

if we had older kids... then we would do what was best for them and their situation...

[kxl164]

Here if you adopt a child under the age of 5 you MUST change their last name to yours, a child older than 5 you can either leave the birth surname or change it.

We are only changing middle names and last names for our adopted children so they will have:

birth name + family name + chosen name + our last name

We wanted to keep their birthnames but also give them a name from our family and a name we chose just like our biological children have.

I thought it was better to add than subtract names, my husband isn't thirlled with the idea of two middle names but given the reasoning he is fine with it. He too doesn't want to take anything away from them and have their names reflect both their starts in their families.

I just think of it as, this is the name they will have for the rest of their lives, the first 5 years isn't more important than the other 95 ahead but it shouldn't be ignored either. Basically "the more the merrier" approach to naming!!

[marigold]

I agree with the keeping of the first names if possible, that is what I plan on doing with my 18m fs if I get to adopt than I will tag on a middle name and my last. However for my 4yo and 2yo they have unique names and their case has been very high profile with people serving jail senteces because of it, I will change all three names and there ss# if I can adopt to provide them with security as they get older.

[lakin11]

We are legally going to change the children's names. We are going to make their current first names their middle names. We still plan on using that name as their name since after 2 years, it would be hard to switch. But for legal and safety purposes, we want them to have a different first name. Make it a little harder for the bios to track them down....they already know our last names, so if we just kept their names w/ changing the last name, they could find them.
We are also changing their SS #'s....in 2 years we haven't even had the originals!! Our guess is bmom 'sold' them. We've yet to decide what names we are going to use.

[ocracoke]

I was placed with my adoptive family at 7.5 years. I opted to change my first name. My bio sister also being adopted into my family opted to not change her first name. My adoptive mom and dad had different last names (my mom was progressive even back in the mid 70's). So then my sister and I had to decide about last names. We agreed we wanted different last names and she wanted my mom's. So I took my dad's. When I adopted my daughter I fully intended to change her name. She was 21 months when she came to me and I soon realized her name fit. But I couldn't take away any of the names I had already picked out for her. So she went from 2 names (no middle birth name) to 4 names -- birth name + the name I chose for her + a family name + my last name. She did not keep her birth last name but she will always know it.

Samantha

PS. Lakin I want to help pick the names for your kids -- Hercules, Isis, Artemis, Hera, & Atlas.

[lakin11]

Originally Posted by ocracoke

PS. Lakin I want to help pick the names for your kids -- Hercules, Isis, Artemis, Hera, & Atlas.

Great, need 7 more!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by excited2adoptsoon

This might be an odd question. I don't think I could ever change a child's first name... but is it a given you would change the child's last name to your last name?? Or do some adopted children keep their birth last name?

If I get to adopt my foster son, I would definately have to change his first name because:
1) It's a girl's name
2) He doesn't look anything like his name-it's an ethic name but not from HIS ethnic background
3) He'd get teased in school (and in college..and in the workplace..)

He would definately have a new first name, his same middle name, and my last name. I'm also going to give him a second middle name (the Vietnamese version of his current first name) - so it would be: new first name, current middle name, Vietnamese name, my last name.

[makarios79]

Originally Posted by excited2adoptsoon

This might be an odd question. I don't think I could ever change a child's first name... but is it a given you would change the child's last name to your last name?? Or do some adopted children keep their birth last name?

My situation is a little different, but I am having dilema about last names myself currently.

I changed my oldest son's first name. He has the same middle name and my last name.

His name is Benjamin Alexander (my last name)

I changed the spelling of my middle son's first name and gave him a new middle name and he has my last name.

His name is Darius Emanuel (my last name)


Now here is where my story takes a turn:

With my youngest son, whom I should be adopting in a few months. From the day I got the call for him and I found out his first name, I always said that if for some reason he was not reunified and I got to adopt him, I would name him after my best friend because my best friend's middle name is the same as my youngest's son first name, but spelled different and I have always LOVED my bf's name!

Well fast forward a year later..me and my best friend are no longer "just friends" and are actually planning to get married later this year. I plan to give fs my best friend's first name, change fs current first name to his middle name, but I'm now debating about his last name now BECAUSE future dh plans to adopt all 3 of the boys after we get married and I thought it would be so much easier as far as SS# and BC and other documents go, to just change his new last name to future dh when I adopt him in a few months, so I won't have to do SS# and other paperwork twice.

My sister told me I should leave my 2 oldest boys last name as my current last name after future dh adopts them and just give fs my last name as well. Her reasoning being that my father had all girls and has no one to carry on my dad's last name. I understand where she is coming from, but I would prefer if we all had the same last name, as any future children we have would have future dh's last name and they will stand out as the adopted kids...KWIM?

I have always thought about just adding on future dh last name to my 2 oldest boys current name after future dh adopts them, as in their names would be:

Benjamin Alexander, my last name, fdh last name
Darius Emanuel, my last name, fdh last name

But most likely, I will be dropping my last name all together from the kids name and just replacing it with fdh last name when he adopts them.

The only problem with that is that my 3 y/o knows his new full adopted name and he doesn't hesitate to correct anybody who calls him by his original FIRST or LAST name. He'll say that's not my name. My name is Benjamin AXXXXXXX (my last name). I don't want him to be confused and think that people's names change all the time.

My 2 youngest don't know their last name, so I am sure that it won't be that big of a deal (at least not while they are children) if I change their last name.

Anyway, in a few weeks when I contact my adoption attorney and they ask me what fs's new name will be, I am torn between what to tell her his name will be. It would either be:

1. (Joseph Exxxxxxxxx AXXXXXXXX SXXXXXXXX)
Future dh first name, FS current first name, My last name, and then Best friends/future dh last name

OR

2. (Joseph EXXXXXXX SXXXXXX II)
He'd be a Jr. to future dh

OR

3. (Joseph EXXXXXX AXXXXXXX)
Just give him future dh first and middle name and my last name and change it later

I know that it is going to raise some eyebrows if I give my fs future dh's last name before we get married. Especially with people I go to church with and then there is all the skeptics saying: What if you don't get married?

Honestly, he has committed to be their father no matter what happens between us, and shows that even now in every way possible, even financially and he has no obligation whatsoever to do so right now. I know many men who are legally bound by courts to take care of their kids and they don't. To me, he is their father in every sense of the word. Regardless of whether or not it is legally on paper yet.. Just like I was their mother the day they walk through my front door.... KWIM?

I don't know what I am going to do about the names. Future dh is fine with whatever I do...Gotta love him!

Sorry for rambling and hijacking your thread...

[MomwithFive]

<<But most likely, I will be dropping my last name all together from the kids name and just replacing it with fdh last name when he adopts them>>

If it were me, I would just have future dh adopt all 3 and change their last names at the same time. But, that's just me, I tend to think of all the what if's. lol Best of luck in deciding.