[Lamaena]

As some of u may know we have had our fd in our care since she was 4 days old, she's 14 months old now. She's been in custody of the state this whole time and we have not had a permanency hearing (according to state law it should have been completed w/in 12 months of her coming into care). We had the first judicial review w/ the b-mother in attendance Jan. the 29th (bmom had been in prison for the past 10 months). The b-mom's attorney asked for placement to be modified so that the baby be moved to the maternal aunt, now we are to go to court about that sometime before our next JR which is scheduled for 3/25. The GAL has now asked me to stay out of it, not to advocate that the Dr's orders be followed as it may cause that the Judge choose to move the baby b/c we are considered to be advocating too hard/standing on the way of bonding time between the baby and the bio-family.
I am at a loss...

PLEASE HELP US

[JSAUNTIE]

I was asked not to write a letter to the judge in our case because I wanted to ask him to give us full custody and guardianship of our nephew. I didnt listen and hand delivered a letter to the judge a few days before court. The judge sat there the whole time tapping my letter on his desk. I know he was thinking about the letter and he did say if nothing had changed before the next court date he would grant us the guardianship so I dont want to tell you what to do but I want to be able to tell him when he is older I fought so had to keep you safe. I want to make sure he knows that.

[AmahMama]

I hand delivered a letter to a judge before a r/u hearing for kids that had been in our home. The judge never read it - or if she did - she decided that none of the issues needed to be addressed. I didn't ask that ru be stopped, just modified to make sure that the kids got the SA therapy that they needed. All I heard was the GAL (that I never met) stand there and say how wonderfully bonded the Bio and the kids were! They visited for 2 hrs every other week because it was in a different town and she was in rehab. She went straight from supervised visits in rehab to ru. No transition at all. So far, so good tho'. Still together, still working her program!! One of the success stories, but according to GGM - no therapy either. Only that part saddens me.

IMHO This might be a case of d if you do, d if you don't. I can't keep my big mouth shut when it comes to my fkids. I have my nose into everything. And I let my opinion be known. "My" kids are never old enough to advocate for themselves, the cw and GAL's have huge caseloads and . . . they don't know my kids like I do. A 1/2 hr a month does not make them to be experts on your fk.

Do whatever your heart and head leads you too. Good luck and God Bless.

[mom2behappy]

I would gather all dr's notes and any other information i had and write a letter to the judge you must CC all other parties and their attorneys for the letter to be admitted into court write the letter @ least 10 days prior to the actual court date. in the letter you can simply say that these are the issues and you simply want to make sure they are taken into consideration before any final decision is made because you feel that it is in your fosterchilds best interest and you have 14 months invested as this childs sole guardian and want to ensure her safety and that her needs are being properly met. i personally would not keep quiet because gals and sw dont always give the judge all the information so therefore judges sometimes end up making decisions that are not in the childs best interest based on the limited info they recieve from the above.

[hesabanana]

Is the GAL planning to advocate that the doctor's orders be followed? If so, then I think you can stand silent (but still be present for sure). If the GAL is NOT planning to advocate that the doctor's orders be followed, then I ABSOLUTELY would advocate on behalf of your child. If someone is willing to fight the good fight for you, great, but if not, you need to!

[Lamaena]

Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate it. The GAL is not planning to advocate that the Dr's orders are followed, I believe I am going to write the letter to the judge with the 2nd report from the ENT. The judge did get the first report from the ENT, the GAL submitted it for us, but now the GAL is saying that we need to give the bfamily time to bond, and that if we did the work to uphold the Dr's orders are heard, then according to the GAL the CW and Judge can decide that they need to move D in order to facilitate the goal of RU.

[bethy724]

The GAL is going to withhold DR.'s reports? The cw also? How about the cw supervisor - they all are plannign to withhold medical information? That doesn't sound ok to me.

If these 2 people in your childs life are not looking out for her best interest interest you have to. You have to be able to sleep at night.

[tlmerrie]

Just curious....

Can you tell the GAL that if he or she doesn't submit those reports that you will advocate? Or is that giving the GAL too much warning about your decision before court?

What about having the doctor's office fax the reports directly to the judge?

Amy

[chickieboom]

I'm not going into all details of my story here, but basically this did happen. I have kinda gone along with it in exchange for CW dropping motions to remove LilA from my home. GAL asked me not to bring up any issues, only to respond if issues were introduced; specifically moving LilA. GALs office after much begging from me finally called CW supervisor and got verbal that they would not pursue move of child. I guess I think that is most important. If they are going for TPR and they think the foster parent loves the kid too much the bio parents attorney, I think, can and will use that against the TPR motion. I don't get it, but it seems like the people who know the system do.

Do I feel I am being co opted by system? Yes. When I returned from court today and didn't advocate for fd to get a behavioral health assesment then read this thread from work I started to feel really guilty.

This has been my dilemma/question this weekend. I am a person who likes to think I do the right thing, but do I sometime do the right thing so I feel good about doing the right thing even if it hurts others. Today I choose to not do the right thing in order to keep the support that I have to keep this little girl in my home until the courts make their decision. Maybe that was the better "right thing".

It is a tightrope that we walk to protect these little ones. I am seeing that as foster parents we are not welcome partners. I feel like I am everyone's scapegoat for the problems that are occur. Yet. we are the ones that know these little dears day in and day out and are the ones that grieve over their hurts and losses.

Bottom line I think is talk talk talk RU to everyone you can. I think that is what got the GAL office to get her to stay in my home. I proposed what a benefit it would be to her if RU occurred if she was in a stable long term placement..

[foster_bub]

I've never heard of advocating too hard. It would be different if you had your own agenda and they (the judge, GAL, and CW) can tell the difference.

If I were asked to stop advocating for these kids it would be like asking me to stop breathing. In either case I couldn't live and would get out of foster care.

You just have to know when and where to stop pushing and let things run there course. You need to question EVERYTHING and document it. Meaning send an e-mail with your concerns, that way if needed you can provide the e-mail as proof.

I always attend court and if the judge asks me my opinion I give he/she facts about the case, the kids and the parents.

example...

Good morning, Foster child is well and thriving in our home. He/She hasn't had a visit with mom and dad for 6 months. After the last visit he/she had with mom and dad she was up all night screaming. After 18 months of being in our care we're hoping that some sort of permanacy/normalcy will be achieved soon.

It's really hard to stay impartial, it's just that we and only we know these kids inside and out. I truly believe that Judges know this but are bound to law whether they agree with the law or not.

I encourage everyone to advocate for these kids that can't speak for themselves.

[Lamaena]

I've picked up the Dr's report and will scan it in and e-mail it to the GAL, the CW, and our licensing counselor. I am afraid for D, the report re-states that if the Dr's instructions are not followed, it "is likely to result in a child that is chronically sick."
There are 5 smokers in that house if we count the b-mom. The baby is supposed to be picked up at the daycare Friday and dropped back off at the daycare Monday. She's never been away from us for more than 9 hours, never left with anyone overnight, and I am just really scared for her health and wellbeing.
I really appreciate the responses and opinions you all have provided me with. We would appreciate that you keep D in our thoughts and prayers as we hope that she is always safe and healthy.

Thank u!

[Lamaena]

July 1st was our last Judicial Review (JR) and at that time the determination was made that the bmom would begin unsupervised visits leading towards RU (if she doesn't use and maintains her housing and employment). Well, while I would love to state that my husband and I are feeling positive about the situation, we can't, not because we want to 'take' the baby away from her bmom, but rather bc the bmom has not been able to demonstrate she is truly invested in providing a stable and healthy environment for little D to grow up in. To begin with, bmom exposed the baby to meth and marijuana in utero, then she violated probation and was thrown in prison for 11 months (which means that by the time she saw the baby again since infancy the baby was already 12 months old), after being released from prison in November of 2007 the bmom has lied consistently, became pregnant by a man that is now in prison for attempting to kill a cop, and tested positive for meth again in March. The bmom has also had the opportunity to visit the baby at the daycare every day of the week between 8:30am and 5:00pm, she has not taken advantage of this opportunity and instead only visited the baby during her two hours supervised visitation once per week. After her relapse, the plan as we understood it was to terminate her parental rights (bdad is also in prison on drug charges), but, due to the CM's inability to do her job, that was impossible b/c the case was not staffed when the mother used, instead the CM waited until the bmom for the first time pushed to get a place to live and job to staff it with the legal department who then stated the bmom was again in compliance with her case plan.
Now here we are 7/30/08 feeling so depleated of energy, hopeless, and upset. The baby had recurreing ear infections last year as a results of some visits with the bio family (they smoke a lot and around the children). We were able to succesfully have the visits discontinued after the bfamily was asked repeatedly to take the necessary meassures to protect the baby from the cigarette smoke and chose not to. In January of the current year the ENT put tubes in the baby's ears and that coupled with the lack of exposure to cigarette smoke was THE remedy. Since the visits began on July 2nd, the baby has again had a severe ear infection, and the members of the system appear not to care. Furthermore, the bmom is lying to the CM that trusts everything she tells her.
I have been reciting the Serenity Prayer over and over, wanting to figure out whether there is or isn't anything else for us to do. I need help; advise from those of you that are familiar with the system. What else, if anything, can we do to ensure our fd's safety? We are convinced, as a result of the bmother's actions, that she is not prepared to put herself second to take care of little D or this new baby on the way (considering she used while pregnant with this baby too - and NO we are not interested in taking in the other baby). We are due to go back to court early September and fear D is going to be returned to what we can clearly see is an unstable and unsafe environment. PLEASE HELP!