[jen0ue]

so i am still having trouble getting daycare set up (mind you, J has been with us a month now); and i came with this "brilliant" idea for having his biomom apply for assistance (since she still technically has custody and his insurance is still through her etc., i thought this would work, which i just found out is incorrect). my dh called to talk to her about it (she is his sis) and she threw a fit that she had to do anything. she said that she thought he would only be with us until december so she didn't see the point. it costs us $90 a week to keep him in daycare - it would cost her looking for a job. hmmm, the point?? plus - you never really have any idea how long it could be!

i just don't understand people who don't care to provide for their children. she was so mad at my dh for asking her to actually DO SOMETHING for her child. it's ok for her to continually ask for favors from everyone else - for her mom's ex-boyfriend to drive her to parenting classes and 40 miles away to come see her son. it is ok for us to provide everything for him (which of course we don't mind, it was just a little bit of a surprise and so now a strain), and drive him 40 miles away to see his mom, go to his doctor. i can do EVERYTHING for her - but we ask one thing, one thing for her child and she throws a fit - ERRRRR! anyways... sorry for the vent - thank you for allowing it!!

i also have a quick question... my dh called the DA's office today to check on the case against her for abandonment and found out that the court date keeps getting reset because she does not have a lawyer and keeps requesting a reset. will this play apart in consideration of j's placement?

[Withay]

I believe it would prolong his time in care.

[tenderlovingtreasure]

I am sorry you are going through this and it is frustrating to watch the birth parents sit back and let others provide for their children and not even seem to want to make an attempt. Hopefully things will speed up or she will wake up and help you. Be strong through this, your a better person for it.

[Sam-N-Tony]

I think the case being reset will definately prolong his time in your care. I am assuming that your family doesn't qualify for the assistance, is J there by choice or was he/she placed there by DCF?

If DCF, you should still be able to qualify for some assistance from the State or County.

[tlmerrie]

We have relatives who took my dd's siblings. They did not go through the state, only took legal guardianship. But they checked with DHS and were able to get daycare assistance. The state later sued the biomom for child support because of this, but didn't get anything out of her because she gets SSI and didn't report other income. Otherwise, they would have garnished her check.

Also, in the same case, which is still pending, biomom asked for an extension once. Not for the same reason though. She asked for the extension in order to leave her husband and get settled. Although, she went right back to him the day after the request was made. The case was extended for several months, which ultimately has brought us almost to the doorstep of 12 months, which did help in this situation as the goal is TPR.

I personally find that behavior completely unacceptable and indicative of a much larger problem. But, I'm sure you know that.

Amy

[jen0ue]

Thank you all for your encouragement and advice!!

We are trying to get assistance since he was placed with us through CPS. Here in TX, they go through a thing called Worksource for childcare assistance. His CW was supposed to set it all up; she passed it on to someone who has given me two choices in daycares - one does not except his age, the other I would quit my job before placing him in! He is currently at a daycare that excepts state funding (so we thought that once daycare was set up we would be ok). However, they have to be apart of a certain program in order to be approved to be paid to take care of kids involved with CPS. The director has agreed to enroll in that program (she was trying to anyways), BUT the next class is not until Jan. I am trying to do everything I can to keep him there - he has been there for a month and the director and his teachers are WONDERFUL with him and really trying to help us help him (as is his elem. teacher; we have been truly blessed in that!) and i really don't want him to go through more change - plus they accept/approved for state funding, so i really don't understand the problem. The lady I spoke with yesterday said there are 4 different funding options and the kind J is under requires a school in a certain program. I asked about changing programs. Of course this is not something she deals with so she directed me to ANOTHER person. I called and left a message with her yesterday, I am going to call again today. Have I mentioned I am the queen of hitting brick walls??

[jen0ue]

Yeah so about those brick walls. I called the other lady no go - the answer was pretty much "too bad." I got a little more information, so I called his CW to find out if there was another route to go. She basically told me that she doesn't handle daycare and she didn't believe me that there were only two options. She said she had never heard of a daycare not accepting before and after school aged kids. I quickly explained that a daycare has to be licensed specifically for the type of care they give (at least in texas) and that that particular daycare was only licensed as a preschool. I mentioned that the lady I spoke with said we would get more help if CPS took custody and it became a kinship case. I asked if that was what the plan was, or. She said she could not discuss it with me. I asked her "even though I am taking care of the child, you can not discuss it with me. I didn't think that is how is normally works". She asked if I worked with CPS, she said I did not know what I was talking about. I called her supervisor. Hmmm. imagine that, she is able to discuss the case plan with me. And she IS supposed to set up daycare and she IS supposed to actually visit the child. I asked if there were continued problems if we would be able to switch case workers. Of course - another brick wall - NO, they are too busy. Whatever. I am done with CPS. He is family and we will take care of him and I don't care to hear from them or deal with them again!

[bethy724]

I am in Houston & going thru the process of having my sons daycare accept foster care payments thru worksource & NCI (neighborhood Centers Inc.) It should only take 2 weeks for the daycare to get certified & no inconvience for the director. They need: daycare lisence/published rates/dl of the director / Tax ID # faxed to them - thats it!
I have contact name & fax number if your in Houston & want to get the process moving a little faster. PM me - I don't check it too often, but will make a point to.
Good luck!!!

[jen0ue]

thank you so much bethy!! i am in houston. the daycare he is at does accept NCI, however because J is not an official "foster child" or even a kinship case, he does not qualify under that funding group. the daycare has to be in the Texas Rising Star Program, which requires the director to attend an orientation. The next orientation is not until January. i was hoping that the case switched to kinship, since it looks like he will be with us for awhile anyway, but that is what lead to the big blow up between the CW and i. basically we he have to pay for daycare out of pocket, and there is nothing we can do about it. oh well. we'll find a way. i am sure you all understand what it feels like to think you are the only one that actually cares for the kid! again, i want you all to know how much i apperciate what you do for the kids that need you the most! you are strong people!!

[hubbyswife]

Originally Posted by jen0ue

i am sure you all understand what it feels like to think you are the only one that actually cares for the kid!

OMGosh!! YESSS! I remember going to court for my now DD and it seemed like all she was to these ppl (judge, gal, casa, etc) was a case number!!! I felt overwhelmingly sad w the fact that ALL these ppl get to decide my daughter's fate and they haven't even seen a picture of her. So the next court hearing I took a picture of my daughter so that at least they had a face w the case number...... Whenever there was/is a mtg, I take pictures of my kids so that they can see a face w the name.....

good luck w everything.....

[lazshay]

As far as I now the state will not pay daycare for foster children if it's before or after school only. Our licensing worker is the one who sets up daycare not the kids workers. I am in Dallas.

[jen0ue]

Originally Posted by hubbyswife

OMGosh!! YESSS! I remember going to court for my now DD and it seemed like all she was to these ppl (judge, gal, casa, etc) was a case number!!! I felt overwhelmingly sad w the fact that ALL these ppl get to decide my daughter's fate and they haven't even seen a picture of her. So the next court hearing I took a picture of my daughter so that at least they had a face w the case number...... Whenever there was/is a mtg, I take pictures of my kids so that they can see a face w the name.....

good luck w everything.....

I think that is awesome!! What a great thing to do. I think it makes such a strong statement to those workers to - to you this is a LIFE a CHILD that needs help! Awesome!

[ANNWILL]

When we got our foster daughter and had to put her in a daycare, we asked around of which ones take payments from Childrens Services. Then when she got a little bigger and wanted her to go to a better one, all they had to do is to send a letter stating that they are a daycare along with a letterhead and they were ok'd. As far as the mother-UGH! After having her for 4-1/2 years and the stupid judge gave her back to her (this little girl knows nothing of this woman-never gave a .... for her for 3-1/2 years) they thought we were holding back on them-meaning toys and clothes. There was NO way were were giving her toys (she didn't have many) and the ones we had were like desks, make-up tables, and DVD's. Well guess what you want this child you get her expenses. As far as clothes when she left she only had summer clothes-we didn't get fall or winter. The only reason she wanted her so called other clothes was so she didn't have to buy her other two kids any and then they would have them-NO WAY!

[jen0ue]

It is sad how selfish parents can be isn't it?? I am glad you stood your ground Annwill! I talked to my SIL this morning who has now decided to blame all the trouble she has parenting her son on my DH because he is not around enough and he has no other male role models. "It takes a village to raise a child, you know", she told me. I understand the concept, but you can not except everyone else to raise and provide for your child!