[AKMama]

Well, my 2 day emergancy placement left yesterday after seven weeks in our care. He was three days old when we got him. Two days turned into two weeks which turned into "We're not sure how long" and then news came late Friday that he would be leaving Monday (yesterday). We knew all along he was not going to stay. Like I said, originally it was only for two days. We knew early on that his grandparents wanted him and we've just been waiting on homestudy, background check, and lots of paperwork that got lost and had to be redone. It's still not easy saying good bye and knowing we'll never see him again. Think of it as putting your foster child on an airplane in Chicago, sending them to Phoenix, switching planes and flying to LA. That's about how far away he is, and yet he hasn't left the state. OCS here will be transfering jurisdiction closer to where the grandparents live so SW here won't even have updates. His mother was able to leave yesterday also and will be living with baby and grandparents, so that's good news. She's young and didn't have any family here to help support her through her treatment and program. Now she'll complete her program in her village and still have baby with her.

Again, I know he will be alright, it's just hard letting go after I've been with him 24/7 for his first seven weeks of life. I've said goodbye to another foster child before, but each one takes a little piece of my heart with them. I have other kids in the house, so it's not like the house is unusally quiet. In fact, I have daycare kids here everyday also. It's just been wierd the last two days. I keep thinking there is another baby sleeping upstairs that I should be checking on or another diaper I should change or another bottle that needs to be made. I know there will be other babies. Right now it's just hard not to wonder how he's doing.

No real question to pose to everyone, just wanted to talk. Feeling kinda sad and lonely. Normally I'd be holding a baby right now, and well there is plenty of laundry to be folded or other chores I could be doing, nothing is really going to fill the void right now. Thanks for "listening." I know things will get better each day and soon another little soul will need some holding and loving.

[Celesyee]

I'm sorry to hear for your pain, loss, and absence but I do hope and pray for the best on behalf of the child and his grandparents. DH and I are actually pursuing domestic adoption after witnessing our friend's horrible situation with her foster son. "P" was placed in my friend's home at the age of 3 days and stayed there 1 month shy of his 3rd birthday. The entire placement my friend expressed strong interest in adopting P, however, SW stated goal would be adoption with all as a sibling group of 3; P's 2 older siblings are highly special needs due to behavioral and mental health needs with the oldest sibling in a therapeutic foster home.

One day out of the blue, the SW called and wanted to come by for a visit. When the SW came, she came along with potential adoptive parents. P had visits with the adoptive parents and my friend was initially happy that a family was found for the sibling group. But in the end, the adoptive parents only wanted P. My friend was never informed that P would be adopted out as a single child and he was taken from my friend's home while he was sleeping.

My friend's 2 dtrs adopted from our foster care now keep asking for P. After 2 months of writing to Family Court, calling the SW, calling the Supervisor, and other agencies that advocate for foster children and foster parents, my friend and her family has finally been allowed supervised visits with P.

Supervised visits? P lived in that home "unsupervised" for almost 3 years and now all of a sudden the SW feels visits must be supervised.

Sorry for the vent, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

[JessicaBaker]

AKMama,
Thanks for sharing! It must feel very strange to have him gone. Just remember that you gave him his first impression of this world, and it was a loving and nurturing one. That will stay with him always!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by AKMama

No real question to pose to everyone, just wanted to talk. Feeling kinda sad and lonely. Normally I'd be holding a baby right now, and well there is plenty of laundry to be folded or other chores I could be doing, nothing is really going to fill the void right now. Thanks for "listening." I know things will get better each day and soon another little soul will need some holding and loving.

I was like that when "Angel" left. I didn't want to go home because the house just felt empty. I kept looking for excuses to stay out. It's so painful. Allow yourself to feel really bad and grieve for your loss-because it IS a real loss. {{{hugs}}}

I hope you have a new placement soon.

[MomOfFourWantingMore]

Originally Posted by AKMama

Well, my 2 day emergancy placement left yesterday after seven weeks in our care. He was three days old when we got him. Two days turned into two weeks which turned into "We're not sure how long" and then news came late Friday that he would be leaving Monday (yesterday). We knew all along he was not going to stay. Like I said, originally it was only for two days. We knew early on that his grandparents wanted him and we've just been waiting on homestudy, background check, and lots of paperwork that got lost and had to be redone. It's still not easy saying good bye and knowing we'll never see him again. Think of it as putting your foster child on an airplane in Chicago, sending them to Phoenix, switching planes and flying to LA. That's about how far away he is, and yet he hasn't left the state. OCS here will be transfering jurisdiction closer to where the grandparents live so SW here won't even have updates. His mother was able to leave yesterday also and will be living with baby and grandparents, so that's good news. She's young and didn't have any family here to help support her through her treatment and program. Now she'll complete her program in her village and still have baby with her.

Again, I know he will be alright, it's just hard letting go after I've been with him 24/7 for his first seven weeks of life. I've said goodbye to another foster child before, but each one takes a little piece of my heart with them. I have other kids in the house, so it's not like the house is unusally quiet. In fact, I have daycare kids here everyday also. It's just been wierd the last two days. I keep thinking there is another baby sleeping upstairs that I should be checking on or another diaper I should change or another bottle that needs to be made. I know there will be other babies. Right now it's just hard not to wonder how he's doing.

No real question to pose to everyone, just wanted to talk. Feeling kinda sad and lonely. Normally I'd be holding a baby right now, and well there is plenty of laundry to be folded or other chores I could be doing, nothing is really going to fill the void right now. Thanks for "listening." I know things will get better each day and soon another little soul will need some holding and loving.

Reading this made me feel so sad and sorry for you. I can tell in ur post that you loved him very much as well as u knew in ur heart he was going to be going back to where he belonged. I hope I can be this kind of foster mom. It's hard letting go but you have handled it with such grace. Thank you for sharing this. YOu have really made me realize that no matter what I need to keep whats best for the child in front of my mind and heart at all times. Starting out the process of foster care and foster to adopt you have really helped me in more ways than u can imagine. Thank you.

[AKMama]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and hugs. Each day gets a little bit better. There are still moments though where I run across pictures of him still on the digital camera or clothes he wore still coming through in the laundry. My three year old asks several times every day where he is. She knows, because then she'll tell you where he is, but I know she really misses him too. She liked to simply touch a part of him. She often held his hand when he was sad or his foot if I had him in the Snugli. This is why we are not taking short term foster placements right now, because of my two young daughters. We are foster-adopt right now but the placement worker begged and pleaded to please take Baby T for two days because he had know where else to go. So, we said yes and told the girls we were babysitting him for a few days. Well, seven weeks later, everyone was pretty attached to him. I know my girls will be okay. Luckily I do have daycare babies that come each day, so we aren't completely without babies. Anyway, thank you again for your support and kind words. I'll let you know when we get another little one to love.

[MomInAL]

AKMama,

I know what you are feeling. Baby B came to us at 3 days old and was supposed to be only a short placement while waiting on a family homestudy. Instead she was with us for 5 1/2 months before being able to go back home with her bps. Those first few days were the hardest and I kept thinking that I needed to check on her, or feed her, or do something for her. You get so used to caring for them 24/7 that it's hard to get yourself out of that routine.

Hugs to you.

[vernellinnj]

I know how you feel - I also had a baby (straight from the hospital) who I kept for 7 or so weeks. The child went to the biodad after all was approved. They do, indeed, take a part of your heart with them.....

No matter what, that first 7 weeks made a difference...I assure you.

[mama2-8]

Wow, celesyee thats horrible.
I am sorry you are feeling that emptyness, the love for these kids does have a way of taking a little peice of your heart. He sure was blessed to have you to love him and nauture him for those seven weeks.

[aimeek]

I totally feel your pain. I have had a total of 10 foster children since we got our license in March. Our very first placements just left on Wednesday. They were here almost 8 months. I can still hear them all over my house. When I do something I am expecting their answers. This has to be one of the worst feelings ever. We are still hoping to be able to at least get pictures and send a few gifts, but nothing has been decided. They went to distant family members. We have all had a tough time, but rely on God to know that there is a plan for their lives. It is not for us to decide. So we have faith and keep on living every day like the last. We are already back on the list to get a new placement. I sure hope it does not take as long as it has in the past...

Thanks for letting me share.

[akdad]

Do you live in Anchorage or Fairbanks?
Our friends just found out that their little guy that is 1 1/2 that has been with them since birth will be going to live with his grandparents in a remote village (on an Island) in one month. They have a family of four siblings they adopted and four other children that they have in their home and they are all devastated. Our FDs have been with us for over three years since the baby was just born and her sister was three. The day before Thanksgiving last year we were told by the tribe that our girls would be returned to their mother who had very little contact and was not doing well. This was one of the hardest experiences of our life. The mother disappeared and they are still with us. We have no idea what will happen next.
I have been told that amost 80% of the children in the system in Alaska are from one of our seven native groups. A very small ( and often disfunctional) remote village can be in complete control.

[AKMama]

akdad - you are correct that a majority of the kids in foster care here are all or part Native which makes them extremely difficult to adopt. Usually some family, no matter how distant, will step forward to take the
child(ren). If a family member doesn't then they are offered to someone in the same tribe. If everyone in the tribe says no, then they are offered to the other tribes. And, in the end ICWA has final say in all placements. We just found this out a few weeks ago. We were offered a 5 month old that was half Native who's case looked likely to eventually got to termination (but of course no one can say for sure), but eventually declined because even if parents were TPRd and we'd had the baby for long time, ICWA could still say no, and with two young daughters we just couldn't take that risk. Even with the little guy we just had for seven weeks, there were so many hands in the pot. I was conferenced called in to the final meeting about Baby T and I was having a hard time keeping track of all the people involved, most of which were through ICWA. We were also being portraid as the evil white foster parents by the grandparents to their daughter (Baby T's mom). She was convinced we were going to steal any and all clothes she sent for T. She told everyone who would listen that she hoped his clothes went with him because she heard foster parents steal kids clothes. It didn't matter how many people told her we were good people, she believed what she wanted to believe.

Anyway, I understand wanting to keep the cultural heritage. But in some cases, the children are not benefiting from being sent back, especially, like in your case, where the children have been with you a very long time. It's just so hard and sad to know that no matter how long you've had those children and how much you love them, some group of people will decide if you are worthy of "their" children. You know, I heard complaints about the lack of Native foster homes to take in the Native foster children. Perhaps ICWA should focus more time and energy on finding good, loving foster homes instead of taking kids away from the only family they know. The white foster families are often seen as the bad guys amongst Natives, but if not for the white foster families, where would all those children go?