[Boulderbabe]

I hate to tell you, but this is just ooooh so common. I would say that in 90% of the cases I've seen that hit the 9 month mark, the case was continued another 90 days.

Remember that the bar for terminating parental rights is set very, very high. The state must prove that the parents are REALLY unfit in order to have TPR be approved. So in the next 90 days, DSS will be documenting every slip, every mistake, every missed visit. Everything. You want to make sure that the state has the strongest possible case. So make nice, play along, and document EVERY LITTLE THING and send it to your caseworker. If you really believe the kids will be unsafe if they go back, you have to do whatever you can to help build the case for TPR.

[timleenettesue]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

I hate to tell you, but this is just ooooh so common. I would say that in 90% of the cases I've seen that hit the 9 month mark, the case was continued another 90 days.

Remember that the bar for terminating parental rights is set very, very high. The state must prove that the parents are REALLY unfit in order to have TPR be approved. So in the next 90 days, DSS will be documenting every slip, every mistake, every missed visit. Everything. You want to make sure that the state has the strongest possible case. So make nice, play along, and document EVERY LITTLE THING and send it to your caseworker. If you really believe the kids will be unsafe if they go back, you have to do whatever you can to help build the case for TPR.

The kids have only been with us for 9 months but have been in care for a year at the end of this month. We were their second placement.

I sent a four page journal to the cw that documented the kids behaviors following each visit. Not one word made it into the report. She did not have anything listed that the play therapist has said or heard. She did not call and confirm what I found out from the EEG that showed possible injury caused when A was an infant (the cw turned it into cps - but they still haven't followed through on it). She did not mention that there have been 2 maybe 3 calls to cps about abuse physical and sexual. She did not get a report from a worker that has been involved with the children since before they came into care for educational reasons.

There is to be a Foster Care Review Board hearing in December about the children and if their best interest is being looked out for by dhs and their GAL. You can bet they will be getting an ear full. The report they do goes directly to the judge. I hope and pray they will be able to make a difference for these children!!

I will fight and do everything I can to save the children. I would hate for one of them to die in the care of the bp, as their little brother did!!!!!!

[excited2adoptsoon]

I'm so so sorry. I've been checking the boards all day to see what happened.

Are you able to submit paperwork to the judge? Here I get notification in advance that says I can submit a letter to the judge...and I believe I can write anything I want in it.

I wish you the best of luck.

[timleenettesue]

I asked my licensing worker yesterday about being able to submit directly to the judge and she said that I could but that the court would just send it to the DHS office to go in the file. Then if the cw doesn't include no one would see it anyway. I just want to SCREAM!!!!

[mommacass]

At the end of this 3mo the children will be in care for 15mo. This is suppose to be the "magic number." I kinda thought that they might give them more time or as I like to say more rope to hang themselves. Have they ever ask you any questions in the court proceedings? I know it must be frustrating even though we have never made it to this point with any of our fc. I would still write a letter to the judge and just state the facts try not to put any of your feelings in it. Good luck

MommaCass

[tenderlovingtreasure]

Oh my goodness, my thoughts and prayers are with you!! I know your heart hurts right now. I praise you for stepping up and defending the children. If we, complete strangers, dont defend them nobody will it seems. We have problems with our judges not wanting to face the music. Our caseworkers are very good but judges dont want to solve issues just create more. they have no problem letting our children linger in the system. I am so sorry your caseworker is overworked and probably not on top of her/his game. I hope you make them see what a huge mistake that was. Keep up the good work and I send hugs and prayers your way!!

[ANNWILL]

That's exactly what our cw did-all she did was wanting this case to be done and over with-she didn't care how this child was thriving where she was and how she changed when she was with her mom. She didn't even care when she even told her she didn't want to move. Who cares about these kids? It sure as heck isn't the courts

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by ANNWILL

That's exactly what our cw did-all she did was wanting this case to be done and over with-she didn't care how this child was thriving where she was and how she changed when she was with her mom. She didn't even care when she even told her she didn't want to move. Who cares about these kids? It sure as heck isn't the courts

I know you are hurting right now, but I doubt it was a case of a callous child care workers. Their hands are just so tied by the system! If the parent has done the bare minimum of what the court requires, the CW has no real choice. And unfortunately, the opinon of the child on where they want to be doesn't really count until they are over 12 or 14 or whatever. It doesn't matter what the child wants. It doesn't matter if she is thriving where she is. All that matters is if the parents have done what they were supposed to - so if there is a problem (and I believe there is) it is in the laws that set the standards so very low for the bios. (after all, if they could judge it based just on where she is doing "better", we all might be in danger! Whose to say that my own children might not have it even "better" down the road with my neighbour? But they can't remove them from me just for that).

[JessicaBaker]

Great point Stevenstwin!
What seems to me reading these boards, is that bonding ought to count for more than it does. I guess it's just hard to quantify a "bond".

[timleenettesue]

After visit today the NEW parent mentor said she wants to INCREASE the bp visit time from one hour to two hours AND she wants to start having the visits at the bp's house!!!!!! Does NO one care about what the kids are going through!!!!

I just went to A's confrence at school and her teacher wants to move her from a class for children with delays to a class for young fours. She would be with children her own age starting to do age appropriate stuff. This is a big deal!!!! A year ago when she came into care the police officer said she was "in some type of caomatose state" as if she were unable to talk. Everyone that knew the kids when they came into care said they were "zombie like" or "flat". They both now have their own PERSONALITIES. No one can believe they are the same kids. They have come so far!

I am so scared they are going to send them back!!!!
PRAY FOR THE CHILDREN, PLEASE!!!!!

[chickieboom]

the best interest of the kids is only considered after it is proven that the bioparents can't parent

[jen0ue]

that is horrible. praying for you and those poor babies!

[timleenettesue]

Originally Posted by chickieboom

the best interest of the kids is only considered after it is proven that the bioparents can't parent

The children have already lost their little brother because of the bp. Which one of them will be next!!!

[TAC]

Certainly your pain and aggravation is huge, but how much you control is limited. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family during this time. If you have faith, you must accept that this is God's plan, not yours.

I hate to be such a realist here, but how the children feel about their parents and act in therapy is less important than what the parents do to rectify their problems. It is their rights, not the child's, they are looking at.

I certainly don't agree with this and I struggle to accept and live with this too. In our case, the advocate brought up the psychological trauma one child felt from seeing her parents at meetings and our "slam dunk case"-the parents did not follow thier plan-was has been continued three times-all originally based on heresay the advocate used to try to close the case.

Our one foster daughter has witnessed sexual activities between her parents and most likely others. (Whether she has been abused herself is still possible but she can't express it)..in addition to neglect and living in a car. The changes she has made since she lived with us from her old foster care home where she smeared feces on the wall and spit on her face are amazing. She was even bold enough to tell her parents several times: "I don't want to live with you." She's 6 and has been in care for 2 1/4 years. This is all secondary to parents working their plan.

I hope these children are blessed to live with you, but also take it easy on yourself in the process. Certainly, easier said than done. Know, that whether the children stay with you or are in a tragic situation of departing, their lives are better because they are being loved by you.

Pat

[timleenettesue]

Pat
Thank you for helping me remember to put God first. I keep putting the children first and trusting in myself when I should be putting God first and trusting in him. I feel more peaceful putting it in God's hands (if only for a minute till my brain takes over).