[Boulderbabe]

I am so sad, and so angry!

My little fdaughter has problems pooping. It is part of her trauma---she was given laxatives and then hurt by her bparents for having accidents, so she's afraid to poop and she gets constipated. We've been working through it, slowly and patiently, and we were making real progress.

And then I had to go out of town.

I left her with another foster mom, and DSS decided to take her to parenting class with her bmom without telling me. So at the class, she started crying because her stomach hurt. Of course it hurt--she was afraid because she was in a new place and because she was with her bmom, and so she didn't poop! So the DSS caseworker took her to the EMERGENCY ROOM, where they gave her a freaking ENEMA, with her bmom right there to make it all more traumatic, and then sent her to a new foster home in the middle of the night with directions to give her EX LAX! The Ex Lax gives her terrible cramps, she cries so hard. And I'm half the country away and I can't do anything!

The worst part is that NOBODY, not one single person, bothered to call me and tell me. I heard about it when I called a friend about something else, and she said, "Your fdaughter went to the emergency room last night!" If the caseworker had bothered to call me, I could have given them help and all this could have been avoided. But NOOOOOO.....caseworkers are Gods who know everything, right!? So the caseworker not only perpetuated the cycle of the abuse, but she drove bmom along to help her do it.

I ripped the caseworker a new one tonight. I told her that not only were they not protecting this little girl from her bfamily, but they were taking over in administering the abuse.

I am saddened, disgusted, and so deeply hurt for this sweet little girl. She does not deserve what they're doing to her.

[greenish]

Oh no! That is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your FD.

[ranoutofnames]

That's so horrible!

Why in the world did they send her to a different foster home in the middle of the night and middle of respite?

[Boulderbabe]

Because a kid at the first respite home just had a kidney transplant, and poor fdaughter, to make everything worse, also had the flu.

I have been on the phone all night, calling caseworkers, doctors, nurses, physician's assistants and the other foster mom. I got the Ex Lax taken away and the dose of the Miralax cut in half. Of course, I was crying, so now I'm the crazy, hyperemotional foster mom.

When I talked to the ER doc, she said "I don't know why you're worried. We do enemas all the time here." I said, "Really? Do you do them on children whose abuse centers on toilet issues?" She seemed really quiet after that.

I am so angry. Am I the only person here who thinks that this child is a PERSON, not a bureaucratic case or a machine? At least her GAL is diving in. He's going to crack some heads.

[Scrapsathome]

Good for you for standing up for her! How clueless could the CW be?!

In the future, I know some very nice FPs who live near you who could do respite care and would call you before making any extreme decisions like that...

I always wonder why it seems like none of these CWs have kids and yet they are treated like experts in childcare?

Jess

[Boulderbabe]

I'll be honest---what happened tonight crossed just about every boundary I have. I can't imagine anyone doing something this extreme to a child without even bothering to contact the person PARENTING the child. It really showed me how unimportant what we do is to DSS.

The doctor I talked with was the most uncompassionate person I have ever dealt with. I was shocked. And I was shocked when my caseworker, a person who I have always thought of as compassionate and caring, justified what happened. This child is being brutalized, and nobody seems to care.

I am seriously considering packing it in, telling them to keep her where she is, and giving up fostering. The toll this is taking on me is too huge.

And to make everything worse, this was supposed to be a really happy night for me: I was just awarded tenure. Hooray. What a celebration.

[An_A_Frame_House]

I just want to comment on the medical neccessity if an enima. My husband who had cancer (does not compare to a child but still) had problems with bowels too. He forgot to take one of his meds and got constipated. when he hadn't gone in five days they got concerned. At the ER they did everything BUT an enima first because they called it an INVASIVE procedure. I wonder what medical reason did they give for doing an enima? How long had it been since she had a bowel movement? Why not try some other meathod FIRST? I know you must have asked those questions. Why Why Why???

[HappyMommy106]

My heart goes out to you and your little foster daughter.

Don't give up, B. They NEED you. This is proof now more than ever. You are a strong woman, you are smart. Make this a learning experience for everybody involved.

Congrats on your tenure!!!!! YAAY!!!!!

[Hadley2]

Horrible, horrible, horrible.

No doctor on earth could justify giving a child an enema based on a complaint of stomach ache with no history on even the last few days from the primary caregiver.

If it were me, I'd call cps and report everybody involved for aggravated abuse. Then again, I can be an extremist....

[pogonorms]

My stomach has an oogy feeling. I can't imagine how you feel. It is so $^##@@ that they wouldn't call you. I just don't understand. Yup, we are just housing to them.

[Tuppy]

Dear BB, you have every right to be mighty angry and mighty annoyed! Your poor little FD!!! What they did was unbelieveable.

Please don't give up. The kids need you and so do we. My husband and I will (hopefully) have our license by the end of the month. We are very excited to join the ranks of foster parents who are making a difference in the lives of innocent children.

I get scared witless sometimes as I read the forums and then I look for a post that you have written (and several other rode-hard-and-put-away-wet FP's who have seen it all and continue on) to give me the courage that I, too, might just have what it takes to do the job.

Where will we be without the likes of you to lead us as we learn.

Congratulations on achieving tenure-no mean feat!!!

[eomaia]

Are you tempted to bake a very special batch of brownies as a treat for everyone involved?

[lynnpalm]

The only thing that eased my frustration with the whole system was the pp about the brownies...
Words just can't seem to this justice. Makes you wish they would get their heads out of you know where and think think think.... GRRRRRRR There are times when I really hate the system. I have come to really dislike the phrase "Best interest of the child"

[hesabanana]

I would complain as high up the food chain as necessary to effect some change. The horror this child was subjected to...with bmom present....unreal.

BTW, congrats on your tenure....I am sorry this accomplishment was tainted by the cruelty of others.

[chickieboom]

Boulderbabe.....TENURE? Congratulations....that is a really big deal...try to celebrate despite the other things going on with your family ! HHURRAAAYYY