[indigocolt]

DH and I have 3yr BS and 1yr BS. We just got a nearly 2yr FD and things have been rough.
1. We know almost nothing about FD and her CW who we've never met has only returned our calls once. I have had to go to my certifier to get everything for FD. I have no idea her history or case plan. Do I just keep calling him?

2. My 1yr old is not adjusting well at all. He yells at my FD and has even tried to hit her (I have never had a problem with him before). And my 3yr old gets along with her so-so, but is always trying to "help", which just leads to chaos.

3. DH works 2 PT jobs and goes to school FT, I am overwhlemed and think I got in over my head but don't want to quit on this little girl. Any suggestions?
TIA

[stevenstwin]

How long has she been with you? All I can think is WOW - I'd be half dead if I was trying to cope with three under three! I'd start by demanding to speak to your CW's supervisor so you can find out WHAT the heck is going on. Whether or not you want to keep on doing it depends a lot on how long you've already had her, adn how long they think you WILL have her, but I don't think anyone could fault you for deciding it is just too darn much and asking for her to be moved.

[seekfirstthekingdom]

I am so sorry you are going through this, the first few weeks can be soo hard. our first placement was 2 little girl ages 5 mos and 2 yrs there were so many times I just wanted to call my caseworker and tell here that I couldnt do it, but everytime I looked at those little angels my heart just broke for them. after about the first 2 weeks things got much easier. But then again my bio kids are way older than your bio kids, and it is very hard having 3 kids very close in age, (i have twins and another son that was just 2 1/2 years older than the twins.) If it is too overwhelming no one will fault you for trying, you are doing the best you can, do what your heart tells you to do.
best of luck to you, you will be in my prayers

[An_A_Frame_House]

I have not had placements yet but I am prepared to feel the same way you do right now. I have also told our 12 yr. old son that we may reach a stage when we all wish we hadn't done this but we will need to really give it all we have and work through the tough stuff. What is bugging you the MOST? Can the chores just wait? I think it's a lot like having a new baby in the house. Don't do any more than you have to at first. Don't sweat the small stuff and if you can, get a nap when they nap. Keep calling the CA and email too if you can. If you had anyone say "Just call me if you need anything!" now is the time to do just that! Having another adult in the house if even for a short time will take the edge off. Do let us know how you're doing! Prayers are going up right here for you!!!

[ranoutofnames]

Originally Posted by indigocolt

We just got a nearly 2yr FD and things have been rough.TIA

Honestly this sounds about right. You just got her and things are always tough the first time and in the first few weeks.

For the first 6 weeks I always doubt myself and question my sanity in having another placement... even now after all the placements I've had I can honestly say that during those first 6 weeks there is chaos, readjusting of roles, and just getting to know each other.

[makarios79]

Originally Posted by indigocolt

DH and I have 3yr BS and 1yr BS. We just got a nearly 2yr FD and things have been rough.
1. We know almost nothing about FD and her CW who we've never met has only returned our calls once. I have had to go to my certifier to get everything for FD. I have no idea her history or case plan. Do I just keep calling him?

2. My 1yr old is not adjusting well at all. He yells at my FD and has even tried to hit her (I have never had a problem with him before). And my 3yr old gets along with her so-so, but is always trying to "help", which just leads to chaos.

3. DH works 2 PT jobs and goes to school FT, I am overwhlemed and think I got in over my head but don't want to quit on this little girl. Any suggestions?
TIA

I just wanted to give you (((hugs)))

I currently have 3 under 3 and by next week I will have 5 ages 3 and under.....so I totally understand what you are going through....

The 3 I have now all came to me on the same day from 2different families....It was rough the first month or so as we all got adjusted to eachother...but as they all settled into the routine...things are pretty "normal" around here....My kids THRIVE on routine...anytime anything is off they get "off" too.


My situation is a little different from yours, as I am single and work full time and I have no bio kids, but I can definitely relate to the days of feeling overwhelmed.

I would say give it more time..It is normal for the first few weeks to be rough...I'll be praying for you.

[Sam-N-Tony]

I just received my license 5 weeks ago, I have had my 2 fs, ages 7 and 2 placed with me for a month now. I already have a bs that's 7. I too feel your pain, I doubt myself everyday and wonder did we make the right decision, the boys argue constantly, i'm stressed out and tired, I do find it is getting a lot easier. You have to remember that this is all new for your kids, they don't really understand whats going on. You need to make sure that you try at your best to make time for yourself to relax, whether it be after the kids are done, have a glass a wine (even though you might be tempted to do the whole bottle), take a bath. I know it seems ridiculous, but I find some sence of peace when I go out food shopping by myself. I have posted my freak out messages to and everyone is encouraging. Give it some time it will get easier.

Call the CW supervisor, they are obligated to get a response to you within 24 hours.

[Luvbeingmommy]

You have gotten some great suggestions I just wanted to add one more -- it sounds like your 1 year old is experiencing a bit of jealousy. If there is anyway possible -- try to spend some quality time alone with each child. I know that is so much easier said than done, but 10 or 15 minutes could make a world of difference to that child. You are in my prayers too.

[ladybug23]

Thank you everyone for responding. Things have just gotten worse with my boys . And instead of helping anyone I feel like I'm hurting everyone. FD is feeling more comfortable here but that just means more of her issues are coming out. She really is a sweet child but she will need a lot of time and love and direct attention to help her catch up and I just can't give that. All the kids are missing "mama". I still can't get ahold of CW, ugh. SO, we've been praying and I think Foster care is just not where our family needs to be right now. I used to wonder why it took so long to get pregnant with my children(one angel in heaven) and now I know it's because my husband or the first or second BS needed this much time and so do I. Please keep us in your prayers that everything will work out for the best. Thank you

BY the way I have no idea what happened to my account or why I couldn't log into indigocolt so now I have a new name.