[Sam-N-Tony]

So we have had our placements for over 3 weeks now, we had gotten written permission from the parents for a haircut for the kids a couple of weeks ago, I took FS to get a haircut (he chose spiky, looks great) and the baby we just trimmed up the edges of his hair. They had their 1st parent visit last week and the mom and dad made comments to FS about his spikey hair and that they didn't like it so on and so forth, but it wasn't a dramatic cut, just more a trim and he doesn't have to spike it. No big deal. Well, this past weekend I went out to have dinner with my friends, I came back and noticed that the baby has really short hair (#3 on clippers), what's the worst thing is that he is soo pale and has platinum blond hair, he almost looks bald. I freaked out, my husband decided to take it upon himself to do that to our FS . We had previously discussed trimming some more hair (it was still too long for a boy) and it was decided that I would take him to the barber shop.

What am I supposed to tell the caseworker and parents??? I'm really worried... any suggestions?

[emcal]

Sorry, looks like you will have to bit your tounge. They are the parents, they get to decide. I dont agree with it, but thats how it is. Most bio parents will not allow foster parents to touch a childs hair. At least it is not a mullet, or mohawk!

[Sam-N-Tony]

I think you misunderstood my frustration or I misunderstood your comments, the parents had previously ok'd a haircut, which thye had previously seen, my husband without asking no-one not even me, because I would have absolutely gone against it, took it upon himself to cut the baby's hair. I don't have any suggestions on how to explain that the the cw or the bio parents.

[la vida loca]

I suggest you let your husband do his own explaining about why he did this. You may need to buckle up...you could be in for a bumpy ride.

[Sam-N-Tony]

My husband will not do his own explaining, never has, he's a sit back in the limelight type of guy, he's really quiet and shy and as always leaves it up to me. What can happen?

[la vida loca]

I think in this case he's going to be required to make his own explanation. He is the one who may have violated the parent's rights and if the parents are unhappy with the results there will be questions for your husband. He blew it.

Chances are that the worst that will happen is that you will have to deal with some unpleasantness but haircutting is a huge issue in foster care and should be handled very, very, very carefully. As I understand it you received permission for a haircut which was done and which the parents saw. You did not receive permission for the other haircut and that is the problem.

Your best bet is for him to make his own explanations and offer an apology to the parents.

[AmyAnne]

I agree. Make him own up to it.

[hubbyswife]

I would call the SW asap and tell her/him what happened.....Have ur husband call and explain......

[Sam-N-Tony]

As I was preparing the email to send to the cw, she called me to give me some updates on things and I actually told her, she said it wasn't that big of deal and she will handle it with the parents. Whew! Of course, my husband got out of it again.

[hubbyswife]

That's awesome news.... It sounds like things will b fine...

[eomaia]

If you have any contact with the parents, it might help to tell them yourself. I'd much rather hear bad news directly from the foster parents who can explain what happened exactly rather than hear about it from the CW, who might garble the details. In this case, it might be good if they see a picture before their next visit, so if they are shocked or upset, the child does not see their reactions.

[mrsred]

If it were me I don't think I would tell dh he is off the hook. I think I would prearrange with case worker to have him call and fess up. Then she can tell him that she will "try to talk to the parents to smooth things over". Don';t let him think he got off scot free! Have fun with this one!!

[Hadley2]

Sounds very much like my dh. BTDT. I stopped "explaining" him to people about 15 years ago (married 24 years, known each other 34 years), about the same time I stopped trying to "make" him, "get" him, "push" him to do anything. On top of that, if he is really like my dh, he is looking at you and minimizing and making it clear that it's not a problem in his world, so why is it in yours? Simply tell whomever you need to tell that your husband did it. If they ask why, then you say, "I don't really know, you'll have to ask him." At least it was just hair, which will grow back.

[emcal]

Sorry I did read it wrong. Good news, for some reason any family we have worked with Any thing my husband does is fine, its always me they have issues with, the mom thing I suppose. So I would also try and contact the parents first and explain what happend first, or write a "Im sorry but note". Hair cuts in foster care, can ruin foster parent and parent ties. I dont like it but thats the way it is. So much so they have laws in place for it.

[shaylynn]

I would also love to cut/trim my little foster son's hair. He is about 17 months old but his hair is down to the bottom of his nose in his face and a couple inches past the shoulders in the back but daddy says NO!! He is going to grow up to be a drummer and therefore needs the long hair!?? Dad does not have long hair at all by the way. Mom doesn't like that he gets referred to being a girl alot either but she doesn't want to cut it and make dad mad at her. It just one of those joys? of doing foster care