[jllambert]

Over the past month I have developed a closer relationship with Tiny W bio mom. I take her to W dr. appointments with me every week (weekly weight checks) and to any other appointments he has. I have noticed her getting more attached to him and we are so happy about that(don't get me wrong we love him and would adopt in a heart beat, but have felt all along they are going back to mom). Yesterday was W 1st birthday and we were having a party, but she did not show. She called last night and told me they had gone to see a lawyer for help to get the kids back and when they talked to him they found out that they both have warrants for Felony Child Abuse. The charge is for trying to starve Tiny W to death. I have many questions but lets start with why are they pressing charges now? W was removed in January. Last I heard they were not going to press charges because the felt it was a case of failure to thrive (he started to thrive as soon as he was removed so that makes me question that a little). The parents are not perfect and I still have a few concerns about the kids being returned, but they have been working their plan and it looked like at the next hearing they would either go home or start to transition home. I am so confused! Have any of you had parents charged with Felony Child Abuse? Did they get convicted? How soon after the kids were removed did they get charged? How will all this effect the RU of the kids?

[ranoutofnames]

I know we had one where felony charges were filed. In the case of our fs it was 6 months after the CINC. It took so long because they weren't sure if our fs's older brother was up to testifying. In our fs's situation the parents (their adoptive parents) were convicted of the charges. The former dad is serving 5yrs and the former mom is serving 2yrs. Shortly after the felony charges were finished their adoption was dissolved and the fs and his brother now live with their CASA that is in the process of adopting both of them.

In your situation they may have been trying to pull together evidence and see if they have enough to build a case.

To be honest I've always wondered how the DA's office chooses whether to leave the case as a CINC or to file felony charges.

[jllambert]

Well thanks for the info. I can't believe someone would go to the trouble of adopting a child just to turn around and abuse them. How sad!

I talked to our Casa worker and he was as shocked as I was that the charges were filed. He seems like he is going to try and be proavtive for the parents and I am glad. I don't think there kids need to go home just yet, but I think with a little more work they would make good parents! I really hope they do not have to serve any time!

[jllambert]

Well this just keeps getting crazier ! Mom and Dad had a visit scheduled for today and they no-showed. They did not even call. This has only happened once before. They did not answer or return calls during the 2 hours that they should have been at the visit! The worker called to see if they had been arrested and they had not, so everyone was wondering if they took off to avoid getting arrested.
Well about noon Mom calls and says oh sorry I did not have a ride to the visit(ever hear of a bus or a taxi??). Why the heck didn't you call me, the other foster mom, the CW, or answer or return the calls from the tech?
If I knew I might go to jail at any time I would darn sure make it to my visit!
Mom also show no emotion over the charges being pressed. I would be so upset and scared to death, but she acts like it is no big deal. Like it is a parking ticket instead of felony child abuse charges! Crazy!!!!

[tinatyme]

It sounds like she is preparing herself for the worst possible outcome and starting to detach. If this is new behavior then it is probably a defensive move so that she can try to protect herself. It is a shame because it will, ultimately, make her look worse and if she is not convicted will make it more difficult to get her children back.

[MamaTo6]

Maybe mom and dad didn't show because they were afraid of being arrested. Sometimes the police wait until they know where the accused are and then pick them up rather than waste man hours looking for them. Just a thought...

[jllambert]

Originally Posted by tinatyme

It sounds like she is preparing herself for the worst possible outcome and starting to detach. If this is new behavior then it is probably a defensive move so that she can try to protect herself. It is a shame because it will, ultimately, make her look worse and if she is not convicted will make it more difficult to get her children back.

They have 2 children in care. The little girl is 2 and in another Foster home. We have the baby. Mom and dad are both VERY attached to the little girl. If they miss a visit with both children they always schedule a visit with "G", but never even ask if we can bring "W". "G's" birthday was a few months ago and they bought her tons of stuff and even had a little party with cupcakes and stuff at the visit. "W's" birthday was Last week and they happened to have a visit that same day and they did nothing. No cake, no gifts. Not even a card. It is sad, but they are not attached to this baby at all. The charges are not for any thing they did to the little girl. They are for what they did to the baby. I would think you were on track saying maybe they are trying to detach, but they arranged a visit with the little girl tomorrow ("G's" foster mother called to let me know) but once again they did not even ask if we would bring "W". I honestly think if someone told them they could have "G" back if they gave up rights to the baby. They would do it! It is so sad! We would love to adopt him.

[jllambert]

Originally Posted by MamaTo6

Maybe mom and dad didn't show because they were afraid of being arrested. Sometimes the police wait until they know where the accused are and then pick them up rather than waste man hours looking for them. Just a thought...

We had that same thought. I feel that they know where they live and I would think they would try to get them at home first. Rather then picking them up in front of the kids. I could see where they would worry, but why not call with a excuse before we all show up, then at least so your two year old does not go to the visit excited to see you and them cry all day because she is disappointed?

[Hadley2]

"The charge is for trying to starve Tiny W to death.... Last I heard they were not going to press charges because they felt it was a case of failure to thrive (he started to thrive as soon as he was removed so that makes me question that a little)."

FTT is when a parent starves a child to death. It is almost always caused by neglect, only very rarely is there an organic cause. He would not be removed from the home for FTT if a medical doctor thought there was an organic cause. The fact that he started to thrive after removal is proof of FTT and the fact that neglect caused it.

Felony charges were brought against my fd's parents, too. There was enough evidence to charge them but the prosecutor also used the higher charge as leverage to plead them to lesser offenses.

As for FTT and starvation, sometimes the starvation is conscious and deliberate--a result of MI or some skewed belief system--but it can also be due to lack of interest--depression, PPD, fatigue, etc., the parent just ignores the child and the child gives up.

My cousin's baby was FTT because of her PPD. Two different women I mentored years ago as a part of a volunteer program to help families at risk both had FTT babies. My fd was FTT. One was a very young mother with three kids under the age 5 who was overwhelmed and basically sat at the kitchen table with her friends and smoked all day. Her older children would have starved, too, and did have nutritional deficiencies but had gotten good at scavenging enough to get by. The other had MI issues too complex to go into here. In my FD's case, the father was usually too intoxicated to be of use and the other had MI issues that caused her to have little awareness or empathetic interest in the baby's needs.

It is great that your fs's mother was starting to show some interest in him. I hope it was genuine and not just an attempt to get the older child back. I would be very careful

[aimeek]

I need to ask a stupid question - What does Ml and PPD stand for?

Thanks,
Aimee

[bajj]

MI = mental illness
PPD = post pardum depression

[jllambert]

Originally Posted by Hadley2

"It is great that your fs's mother was starting to show some interest in him. I hope it was genuine and not just an attempt to get the older child back. I would be very careful

Thanks so much! You had lots of great info in your reply!
I know mom deals with depression, and I feel that she had PPD. She has also admitted to me that she did not have an attachment to "W" when she brought him home!
The daddy has no attachment to him at all!
I am glad she is showing interest, but I do kind of feel it is a show to get "G" back. In recent days my eyes have been opened to how little they do care about "W" and also to how many hints/tips they are getting from others about what looks bad and what looks good. I don't think they are fooling everyone, but I think the counselor is getting a different story and the CW does not care enough to ask any one what they feel. Casa, foster mom of "G", Tech that is the observer of the visits, and I all feel they are still not attached to "W" and that he should not go back to them yet or not at all! The felony charges may change every thing, but if not it really looks like November they may send the kids home! Scary!!

[cherrymom]

"FTT is when a parent starves a child to death."
Not all babies who are dx failure to thrive are neglected or abused. I did read on to say that you did add the "only rarely can an organic cause" I have one of those "rarely organic" ones and have faced the nurses with the judgemental looks. "How about you take her home for a week and see if you can get her to eat, trust me you'd return her after a day." The stress of a child not thriving no matter what you do is HORRIBLE. Sorry I'll get off MY soapbox now and wish this little peanut all the best. I hope everything works out for him and if his bio parents aren't ready or able to take care of him at least he's in a loving home now and hopefully can stay there.

[jllambert]

Originally Posted by cherrymom

" I have one of those "rarely organic" ones and have faced the nurses with the judgemental looks. "How about you take her home for a week and see if you can get her to eat, trust me you'd return her after a day." The stress of a child not thriving no matter what you do is HORRIBLE. Sorry I'll get off MY soapbox now and wish this little peanut all the best. I hope everything works out for him and if his bio parents aren't ready or able to take care of him at least he's in a loving home now and hopefully can stay there.

I get those looks too! It is awful! When people ask how old he is and then look at you like you are crazy when you tell them! The Stress is awful too! We have to have "W" weighed every week and I feel like I am taking a test! He gained pretty good for a few months and now we just gain about 4 oz a week! He is a year and he only weighs 14lbs!
I have a few friends that have had FTT babies and I know they are good parents. Some babies are just sick and they have wonderful caring parents! But nothing seems to help! My friends all finally found out what was causing the problems and the babies started to do great! I hope your little one is better! Sorry if this thread upset you!!

[jllambert]

Just heard from the other foster mom that the parents have decided not to turn them self in. Dad's reason was because bail would be $1500 for each of them and they don't have the money. Well if you don't have the money what good does it to to wait on the police to come and get you? Being as it is a felony charge I don't think it will be long before they come looking for them. I think dad was hoping "G's" FM and FD would offer to help. We both agreed there was no way either set of foster parents were going to give them any money! Dad did say without the money they could be spending weeks or even months in jail.
I would be a nervous wreck knowing at any time I could hear a knock on the door and be on my way to jail! I can't get any of this out of my mind. I just wish I knew what was going to happen!