[chevyjewel]

I thought having older kiddos was and would be the toughest kids to deal with while doing foster care until this last week.

The little guy I have now asks for his mommy at least once every 10 minutes 24/7. He asks mommy? and we've told him that she's fine and she's at home so we ask him where's mommy? and he says at home and goes about his playing. It's becoming so redundant, almost like it's compulsory for him to ask. It's literally every 10 minutes. We've told him that she's fine (he was there during the bust and I'm sure he saw some pretty scary stuff), and that he'll get to see her soon - which is what his CW has told us now that she's out of jail. That said he was supposed to be gone to live with grandma yesterday or today and we have yet to get a call that was promised to us about how their background checks came out and when they would be by to pick him up.

He's been here since last Tuesday so a little over a week and he still doesn't sleep more than 30 minutes at a stretch too.

Is this typical of a 2 year old that has been separated from his mother? I can tell their bond was extremely strong by the way he reacts to me. He constantly has to be on my lap, the center of all my attention, doing all the same things I'm doing (he throws the biggest fits when I just close the bathroom door to pee in peace). He also throws huge fits whenever my own 2 year old son tries to spend any amount of time with me. I wrote earlier about how he had never had his own bed and only slept with her. We've got him sleeping on a toddler bed on the floor next to our bed but he still gets up almost every half hour on the dot all through the night just to touch my arm. It's like he's making sure I'm still there.

My kids were both very independent so I'm doing my best to appreciate that his personality is very different and he's been through a lot being separated from her.

I'm just wondering if some of his behavior is crossing into something more than just the typical separation anxiety. Any advice on how to handle his asking for mommy every 10 minutes, his fear of being away from me for even a minute, his getting up so many times at night etc would be very helpful.

I did bring all of these things up to his CW but she just brushes it off and changes the subject to his move to gma and gpa's.

[vernellinnj]

Honestly, I think you're doing the right things. It's only been a little over a week....it will take time. Keep reassuring him and redirecting him.

Also, imagine if someone moved your 2 year old to a complete strangers house today? How do you think she/he would act? Do you think these behaviors would last for more than a week? Something to think about.

You're doing a great job.....

[mijojosmom]

I wouldn't be so quick to assume that his bond with his mother was strong just because he wants to be with you.
I think what you are experiencing is very normal. We have gone through the same thing with multiple toddlers placed with us.
He is feeling insecure and unsafe. It takes a while for a child to regain a sense of security. Every day there is something new happening in your house that he has never seen before....even the seemingly meaningless changes can have a profound effect on a child that age.
Continue to reassure him that he is safe and that you are there for him.
He may even think that asking for his mommy so often has become a game.
Keep him super occupied with new and exciting challenging games and activities. He will come around.
Our current foster (3 years old) asked for her mommy at least 50 times a day for the first 2 weeks. I gave her the same answer every time. She is coming to see you soon, she loves you and is trying her best. Then she would ask...when? And my reply was always the same. Soon.
Hang in there...you don't know what kind of instability this kiddo has been through in the past and he is grasping to anything he can to maintain structure and sameness in his own little world.

[flyawaynet]

My little one constantly asks for mommy, daddy, uncle, home, and puppy. We went to church last night and saw a dog in the short trip from the house to the car. She then spent the entire trip repeating over and over and over "i wan my doog" "i wan my dooog".

I don't have an answer for you, don't know all the child psychological stuff about what's normal during this and what's not. But I can tell you I understand the frustration you probably feel. Sometimes I think "I can only answer the question so many times before I lose my mind" And then you just wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

It's small comfort, but other people have been where you're at. You're doing well, and you're doing good. Keep it up.

[chevyjewel]

Thank you so much for all the speedy supportive replys!

This is our first toddler placement, with babies we've had they've come straight from the hospital so they don't really know what's going on, with the old ones you can at least explain you know?

The county was planning on moving him with gma and gpa yesterday or today, NO ONE has called me letting me know anything but obviously he's still here. This is exactly what happened with our last placements. They were supposed to be here a week and ended up staying two months. The intake worker that placed him with us told us if he needed anything that we could call his pediatrician so this morning I ended up doing just that. I do know a bit about his circumstances and how he ended up here. His doc knew a bunch and through her nurse was able to explain a lot. She suggested he at the very least meet with their child psychologist and maybe she will have some things I can do to help him deal with what he's seen and been through. So if he's still with us Monday, which I'm very sure at this point in the day he still will be, we're going to go see her.


Thanks again everyone, it seems like every child placed with us is completely different and there's no one thing that will work for even two different kids. It's good to know I'm not the only one that's flown blind before!

[insulator]

I'm not a foster parent yet, but I do have a toddler and I just finished reading Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray.
Here's a link to an interview with her.

It's an EXTREMELY helpful book for anyone dealing with traumatised kids, and I'm glad I read it even if all I ever raise are my bio kids.

You are doing such a great job- you sound very compassionate and seem to have great instincts for what's going on with the kiddo. He's exhibiting textbook responses to the chaos in his life. Poor little guy.

I hope when I get started I have your patience and intuition!