[Nicole Elaine]

I've been so excited to get a foster child. We're 23 and 24 years old. The ages we said we will foster are infants to age 10. And a case manager just e-mailed me to do respite for a 17 year old girl! Wow... does anyone else think that's crazy considering our ages? We have to say no anyway, because we will be out of town this weekend.

Did anyone else feel bad turning down their first placement "offer"? I think even if we weren't leaving, it would be a little questionable since my fiance is only 24. I trust him and have nothing to worry about with him, but these kids have therapeutic needs and I worry (big time) about false allegations.

[Becki_in_IN]

Don't feel bad. Just say no.

[hubbyswife]

Ditto what Becki said..... Don't feel bad saying NO.... if the placement doesn't feel right.... it's OKAY to say NO!!!!

I find that awkward that they would place a 17yo w u guys considering your ages. I know I would feel uncomfy having a 17yo in my home and we were late 20s (when we started) and even now.

[Boulderbabe]

Ha! When I started, my age range was 0-2. And they called me with a 16 year old girl!

They're desperate, and so they'll call anybody. The only person who can put appropriate boundaries around these situations is you. So yes, SAY NO! If it doesn't feel right, or you don't want to, just SAY NO!

Seriously, with DSS, if you give them an inch they'll take a mile.

[expecting]

Oh Oh Oh!!! I am 26...ok, I just turned 27...and my husband 28. Our ranges were from like 5-12 and male...and our first call was for a 17.5 year old girl. And we said 'yes'. What an experience. She is no longer in our home, but that was a roller-coaster. It was smart of y'all to have thought that one through...we did not. But we learned a lot. You said it was for respite. Was it going to just be for a weekend? My husband and I have provided respite care, only for foster parents we know though, to kids that are not our 'idea' situation and really enjoy it. We do respite a lot for a 12 year old girl and have fun with her, even though we would not want to foster her permanently. Enough rambling...sorry about that!

[Nicole Elaine]

One more thing... the bedroom we have set up is pretty much a "princess" room with a small bed. That wouldn't work well for a 17 year old!

[vernellinnj]

In my state the cws are obligated to prove they called a certain # of foster homes PRIOR to sending a child to a group home. I suspect they know the placement will be turned down (I acually suspect they only call people who they KNOW will turn it down but that's the cynic in me).

A friend of mine frequently receives calls for 16/17 year old boys. Mind you, she's in her late thirties and single. Uh, uh, uh....

Good luck!

[stevenstwin]

Completely nuts in my opinion. I'm 40 and sometimes feel like I struggle with my 16 year old foster son, LOL. Reminds me of a friend of mine many years ago - she was 20 and married to an older guy. His 15 year old daughter came to live with them. Let's just say it DIDN'T work out!

[kikibrando]

You were right to say no. I'm sure there are exceptions, but it's probably a good idea not to foster a teen. I'm 41 and struggled with a teen in my home on an "emergency" placement that lasted 24 months.

Unless you specifically want a teenager and are up for the challenge, it's not a good idea to foster outside the age range you really would like to and are comfortable with. We are licensed for 0-5 and ended up with a 15-year-old.

At the end of the day, she's a pretty good kid, but it was a bumpy ride from start to finish. It ended, badly and sadly, when she "borrowed" my car one night, all night without permission... LONG STORY. We asked to have her moved with only one month until graduation.

You did the right thing saying no. From someone who learned the hard way, it's okay to say no.

[wife2grumpy]

I had to turn away J's sibling that will be born, it is the hardest decision I have had to make. My J has some issues, today I learned he has Autism tendencies, and there is a background of mental health issues.
you are not wrong, you do what is best for your family.
do not feel guilty.

[mylilangels]

you wouldn't have been called..well let me rephrase, in my county you wouldn't have been anyways. it's a rule/law that you have to be 10yrs older then the child placed in your home. we took a 16yr when my hubby was 27yrs(just barely could do it) and it was ok b/c he acted like her father or more like her drill instructor right off the bat. he's in that profession..lol she didn't respect us though b/c we were to young really. she looked at us more like friends.