[CANICE]

Hi,
Today we had attended a permanency hearing for my Niece/FD. The state and the LG sided with my husband and I filing for KLG. The parents are appealing the filing of KLG. The judge said that we will have a mediation in September and at sometime a bonding evaluation. Has anyone here ever been to mediation if so what happens during it or a bonding evaluation and if so what to expect with that.
Thank you,
Canice

[Boulderbabe]

Personally, I don't have a very high opinion of bonding evaluations. I think the idea of "bonding' is the most overused and yet poorly understood concept in the child welfare system. IMHO, the courts use it to advance whatever solution they've already decided on.

My favorite "bonding evaluation" was one they did on my son at age 3 months. They said he had a "wonderful bond-in-the-making" with his birthfather. Huh? First of all, kids that young don't have the capacity to bond yet, at least according to the psychological literature, because a child has to have some concept of object permanence to bond. Little babies can't keep anyone in mind if they're out of sight.

And in the second place, my son left his birthfather's custody at age 14 days. In the intervening time, there had only been visits twice a week, many of which Dad had missed. How "bonded" could the kid be? If he was bonded to his birthdad, he was just as bonded to the checker at the grocery store. He saw the checker more often!

[chickieboom]

There was a mediation for my fd's case. It can either be to get the bp to voluntarily surrender rights and negotiate some level of openness with the children in the future or (in my fd's case) to try to get the state to voluntarily drop the tpr case. Either way it is an effort to avoid a trial.

I am considering requesting a bonding assessment for my little one. She has been in fc system for 10 of her 14 months of life. She has been with me for only 2 months and when she came she was willing to go to anyone, literally she would want to climb out of my arms and go the the grocery cashier! No attachments at all.

Boulderbabe, sounds like you have an inept evaluator for your bonding assessment. There are actual signs that the evaluator looks for that I know my fd wasn't doing when she came to me and is doing now. ie.) upset when i leave room. eye contact, (sustained), clutching onto arm when i pick her up, seeking me out over others when stressed, not wanting to go to everyone. But you are right 3 months old seems young.

[westernmom]

We went through 3 attachment evaluations for our youngest. "G" was 15 months old at the time and we'd had him since he was 21 days old. The eval was supposed to be between G and his bio dad but as G had serious separation anxiety at the time, I ended up being in the room most of the time.

The first one was for the county and involved 6 visits at the therapist's office. G screamed when I left the room for at least 50 percent of each visit. (G and his bio dad had been doing twice weekly visitation for one year at this time and G still screamed.)

The second eval was for the defense and involved two visits at their psychologist's office. G had an even worse reaction and was hysterical so the psychologist told me to "do what came naturally" (wouldn't tell me if I should stay or go). So I stayed for about half the time, tried to engage G with toys, and probably crawled to the door 20 times before I could sneak out.

The last eval was for the county attorney and was done via video tape so I didn't have to drive G anywhere.

Having sat through a two day TPR trial, I can tell you that what happened in those evaluations was brought up in extreme detail. Every word I uttered, what I did, how I acted toward bio dad, even every piece of paper I filled out was brought up at trial.

Fortunately I had purposely made myself stay neutral so the defense got nowhere when they tried to argue that I had sent G negative signals about his bio dad (and that was why G cried.) I know, make's no sense when we had been doing visits for over a year and I was only involved in hand offs and pick ups.

My point is be prepared to be evaluated on your relationship with the child and not just the child with the bio parent. Even on the videotaped visits that were evaluated, how I dropped G off in the room was discussed in court. (Again I purposely stayed upbeat, positive, tried to engage him with toys, etc.) In my case, all that came of it was I'd been cooperative and helpful with transitions.