[tancee]

Does anyone have any resources for foster parents that need to fight for their foster children? Can you use legal aid attorneys to fight? How can I advocate for whats best for my fs?

My fs has been with us for 10 months and will be a year old in another week. My ad is his sister(same mom). birthmom has been tpr'd due to losing so many other children and pregnant again. Our case has been with the bd. He has already been found unfit to parent from a parenting worker and a psych evaluation. His only plan is to attend dad support group and visits. He does that well but, he has nothing else to do anyway. I was told in the beginning he had a history of alcohol and women(he has kids everywhere). He was never ordered for drug testing and some days he looks rough around the edges. when we first met bd he told us that we weren't getting fs and teased and taunted asking us what are we going to do when hes gone. Its been a fight for his possession to him. Hes not raising or taking care of any of his other children and at visits he doesn't interact with fs. He just watches him play. When he was younger he would just overfeed him. We have tried to have a relationship with him and were open to a few visits a year after adoption. He just hates us more and never thinks of the best interest of his son. Its just about us not having him. He had friends that failed background check that he wanted to have the bay. Now two weeks before we had the tpr trial a step sister pops up and wants him. His stepmom had even told workers she was ok with him staying with his sister. Whats strange is this step sister lives with stepmom. They didn't have the trial due to the judge wanting fs to go to step sister if shes approved and she will be a ICPC. She feel that this bd has the right to chose where is son goes because he did his plan. What is her problem. It is obvious his best interest isn't at heart with the friends he chose. He has known them since high school. The gal has met the stepmom and says she isn't stable and nor were most of the family. This person didn't even show interest or attend family meeting but, the judge wants him to go to her given she passes. My concern is even an unstable family can pass a background if their not caught yet. There is no bond with bd or this extended family he doesn't know. Dropping him off for visits it like leaving him with a neighbor for an hour to play. Hes someone he knows but, not bonded with. His bond with his sister is much deeper and they would be tearing them apart. My fs had come a long way health wise since coming into care. He was with parents the first month and half of life with 5 er visits in a month. This judge just pats bd on back like shes saying keep having kids you can't take care of and we'll let you do whatever. This judge is trying to go against the gal and counties decision that he needs to stay with us. Either way the case goes there will be a trial and the county will still try to fight it. Our only hopes is the background has something in it or this person doesn't follow through because she hasn't showed a lot of interest and took a while to call county. I need to prepare to fight in case she does get to have fs. Please any info on what I can do would be helpful.

[athikers]

It varies widely by state whether you CAN fight it. In my state, you can not get de facto parent status and you have no legal standing options whatsoever as a foster parent. Try to look in your statutes and find out what you're options are.

[Boulderbabe]

In my state you could get intervenor status, but it's not likely that it would help you much. Judges tend not to listen much to foster parents who don't want kids to go with relatives.

I think you might have a much better chance of making your case via the GAL. If you can get the GAL to argue that the sibling bond is more important than the biodad's wishes, you might get somewhere. Have you talked with the GAL?

If the judge goes against the county and the GAL, there isn't much you can do, more's the pity....

[tancee]

The gal has been pushing this in court but, the judge ignores every attempt of the rights of the child.

[hkolln]

Just because you can't get defacto status does not mean you can't hire your own attorney. Our niece's foster parents hired an attorney to fight us for her. They wanted to adopt her also. Not sure about public defenders though because I thought they were only for criminal cases. You may have to pay for the attorney yourself. Normally they will place with a fit and stable relative if possible however not all relatives are fit and stable....so it varies case by case. I know in our case hiring an attorney by the foster parents made the SW angry. She didn't feel like they should have an attorney and voiced it numerous times. I guess alot depends upon whom you have on your side.

Our final decision came down to a CRPT team meeting where DHW made the decision to place with us. I'm not sure if your DCF has something like that but if you can get DCF and the GAL on your side then that may help also. We also had the GAL on our side which helped tremendously. Normally they do have a big say in court as they are supposed to be fighting for the best interest of the child.

[Boulderbabe]

If the judge is ignoring the GAL, I'd say don't waste your money on an attorney. It's not likely the judge will listen to your attorney, either.

[lambeausam]

Has anyone confirmed that this child is this man's baby? I would at least request a DNA test if possible. If they are offer family preference, then they should make sure the child is related.

Sam

[tancee]

Yes the dna testing was done very early on. The baby came into care due to the mother losing other children and the severity of her case. It was only after they took baby they found out about bd problems and had the dna test done.

[alinev]

In lieu of an attorney, can you hire a private investigator? I don't even know if information found is admissable but if this man or the step sister are truly unfit, it will certainly show up (ie drug transactions etc) in their daily lives.

[tancee]

If I could really afford to do all that I would. The most I can do is pray that something keeps her from getting him. From what I'm told the judge will not give him to bd but, will place with a suitable kinship placement. She feels that he would be entitled to still be in his sons life if they do this. The only thing is the baby will be shipped out of stated and bd didn't have a good relationship with family to begain with. Also, he has certain services here that helps him and the thought is how will he get services if he moves out of state and will he really move out of state. If he doesn't my fs won't have his dad nor his sister. I wonder how strong is Arizona's background checks for relative placements. Its a hope that it becomes to much and she bows out. Who knows what will happen only time will tell.

[jjjjmom]

Wow, that sounds so much like my case. It's heart breaking. You get to love these babies so much and nobody cares how much we have given up for them. Don't they know that the only parents this babies know is us? I'm sorry I can't give you any advise as I am in the same position as you. We go to court on 8/23 and I'm just praying that the judge will not give my baby to paternal family that don't even know him.

[Becki_in_IN]

Well, I was going to suggest a bonding assessment and a lawyer. It sounds like you're in God's hands which is a good place to be, but scary when it comes to the little ones. I always thought that siblings would win out over unknown relatives. That's the case in our situation. After reading your post, it's a little unnerving.