[lazshay]

Ok, I know this can be a sore subject but here it goes.


We've had our fd since she was 5 weeks old and sent home from the hospital. She is now 9 months old. Mom just relinquished her rights. Good news on that front. Then CPS decides it need to ask the only fit relative if they want our special needs baby. Grandmother says do a home study. She think she can handle her problems.

Here's what makes me mad. Before we ever got her all the relatives were either found unfit or declined to take her (grandmother included). Gmom has had no contact with fd all this time. Has never contacted CW or asked about fd. She at one time had the siblings(4) but returned them when she was going to move. Now she's back living 2 blocks from the bio mom. What's up with this?!

Anyway, we decided we're fighting for her. Hunting for an attorney now. I may not get to keep her, but at least I'll know I did everything I could.

Any advice from anyone??

[rsbg]

No advice, but big hugs.......

[Boulderbabe]

I'm so sorry. While I'm totally in favor of relative placement, I think that when 9 months have gone by for an infant, it's very, very hard on the kids to move them.

Here's my advice, having done this myself: it's critically important that you get an attorney that knows how to work with the foster care system. Some random dude who does divorces doesn't cut it. I suggest you contact your state's Office of the Child's Representative for a list of names, or find out which attorneys are on contract for GAL work in your county and a neighboring county. Call people who have worked with the system before, and if they turn you down, ask them for a recommendation for another attorney.

Don't get discouraged---it took me 15 calls to find a lawyer who could represent me. All the lawyers who had worked with DSS in my county were disqualified, since they'd represented some member of my son's bfamily in other proceedings! Just keep working the phones until you find the right person. And DON'T settle for somebody who hasn't done a ton and a half of dependency and neglect cases before!

[GingerR]

Good for you! Maybe if more foster parents did this, relatives wouldn't just leisurely let months and months go by while they ponder the pros and cons and allow attachments to form. It makes me crazy that there is no time limit in place for them to decide.

Like Boulder said, having an attorney experienced in working with DCF is imperative. They may give you discouraging news about your chances, but then again, once the gm finds out you've hired an attorney, she may change her mind, since it doesn't sound like she's real gung-ho to begin with.

Good luck!

[TxMom65]

I started to get off on a rant here but erased it. My daughter was in foster care for years because of this very thing. I just know that I wouldn't wait for almost a year to say "let them do a homestudy". I would already have one done.

[mommyto9]

We fought to keep our fs's, whom we've now adopted. The only differnence was pretty much everyone agreed they needed to stay where they were. I did tons of research on the internet about bonding and found great stuff about how children bond and how detrimental it is to move them from someone they've been with for months. I would just do whatever it is you have to, to fight for this child.

Praying for you.

[ranoutofnames]

We had something similar happen. No one from the bio-family was interested in taking her when she was born. Once TPR occurred the workers went back to the birth family just to cover themselves. All of them said "no" but I was told by the worker that if any of them had said yes there would have been some serious scrutiny and they would have had a case plan developed to show they were responsible enough to raise the child.

[kharrison]

We have had this to happen to us too. We have had 3 for 18 mnths now and mom is just being tpr and her mom is just now saying I'll take them. I know what is up she is just getting them for mom... matter of fact mom told my 6 yr old that when they go to live with mom forever they will have to spend the night with gma... How can this be fair????? If mom is not fit why should gma be able to get them for her??????
Thanx Kim

[Boulderbabe]

In Colorado, the law now directs judges to prefer relatives very strongly in the early months of the case, but to prefer leaving the children in potential adoptive homes if they are bonded there once the case has gone on for months.

Judges here now take time during the shelter hearing to advise parents to fill out a form listing all known relatives --- and they tell parents upfront that if the kids aren't placed with relatives early on, it's unlikely that they'll be moved to relatives later.

[tvs4]

It is possible the grandmother won't pass the home study - esp if this is a special needs child who would require more care or attention or services than other children. So you can hope for that - then CPS can say they tried to do thier part with placing with a relative and yet still allow the child to stay in your home.

I hope it all works out for the best.

[hesabanana]

Fight for that baby! You will not sleep at night unless you do. Best of luck to you.

[lazshay]

Well, we hired an attorney. Not sure what will happen now. My head is spinning. FD's GAL thinks this is the best place for her. We have to move quickly because the TPR trial is july 30. At least I know I'm doing everything I can.

I can't believe that on Sat. the caseworker was asking if we wanted to adopt on National Adoption Day and now we are having to hire an attorney. THIS SUCKS!!