[GingerR]

When we were going through foster parent training, it seemed they promoted numerous "parent night out" opportunities and such. Yet everything that's been presented has been a dead-end for us. We get a newsletter with a babysitter for foster parents. I tried calling her... the number was disconnected. A program they used to offer once a month for parents-night-out has completely phased out (after being unreliable to begin with). The foster parents we exchanged information with to provide a source of occasional respite and vice-versa quit foster parenting 2 months after getting their license. And don't even get me started on my husband's family that lives in town. In 3 years, they have babysat for us twice and that was only after practically begging, which I'm not going to do anymore.

SO, how does a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom with a 2 year-old and 1 year-old, a husband who works 11 hours a day, no family of my own in town, and friends who really aren't interested in baby-sitting children this young (understandably) go about getting a night out once a month with her husband? Is there typically a go-to person in the system who has a list of approved baby-sitters? I did join the Y which has a play center that watches your children for up to 2 hours, but uh... doing the treadmill isn't "exactly" my idea of "date night." They do have a once-a-month parents night out at the Y, but alas, it is for children age 5 and up. Pffft, nobody likes a dirty diaper.

Any suggestions aside from moving out of state closer to family, which is becoming more and more appealing to me these days?

Ginger

[Becki_in_IN]

Well, you can request respite for the baby since she's still in foster care. I know you don't want to hear this, but we did not go out when the girls were little and won't if K gets to come and live with us. We didn't go out when we were foster parents before that either. We figured out special things to do after the kids were in bed though. I wish you luck.

[Kristin7]

You can find your own babysitters or friends etc and have them approved by your agency.

I found a teenager on babysitters.com and hired her and gave her info to the cw. She sits for me every monday when I attend classes. She also watches my girls when I want to have a special day with just one of them.

I am a single mom to three foster nieces and work full time out of the home. I have no family in the area, accept for the bio mom/my sister. Obviously I can't use her as a resource.

I don't spend a lot of time away from the girls, because I am gone so much during the day with work, but I do need time to myself and there isnt' any respite services or other resources for foster parents...at least nothing my cw has told me of.

This is the second sitter I found and gave info to cw. First was the sitter I had to have for the newborn. I got her at 2dys old and had to work so I had to find someone to watch her until she was old enough to go to regular daycare. Agency didn't pay her.....I had to pay her, but she did it for me and the agency approved it.

K.

[hubbyswife]

Wow... I don't know ... I'm thankful my mom lives close by and is willing to watch the kids so that my dh and I can catch an occassional matinee. But w 4 kids now, 3 and under..... she comes when the kids are taking a nap and we head to the movies..... my dad also helps my mom when she watches the kids.

If we didn't have my parents, then we wouldn't go out.... we also do things when the kids are asleep.... that's mommy n daddy time!! :-)

Sorry I was no help.....

[mylilangels]

My hubby and I haven't been out on a date night in about 2yrs. We have 5 lil ones under 11yrs old..It does make it hard. WE haven't been anywhere overnight in almost 5yrs. I am blessed to have a couple church girlfriends that will watch the babies while we take the bigger ones to movies etc but I hate asking them to watch all of them since they have kids of their own. WE just started using respite and it has worked out ok. WE have only done it a couple times so we could take our bigger ones to like the waterpark etc..Good Luck on your search..

[flyawaynet]

Don't know if this really helps, but I wanted to let you know.. I checked out the website Welcome to BabySitters.com - Nationwide List of Local Sitters that Kristin7 mentioned. I live in a veeery tiny community and was amazed to find that there was a babysitter listed from my community. It may be worth it to stick in your zip code and just see who is available. There's even a feature (if you sign up) where you can e-mail their references.
It looks cool, I'll have to remember this. Thanks Kristin.

[aimeek]

I know that I am not much help either...
We have given up on family. They think that we are weird for doing what we do. I have gotten my mother and sister to come at the same time for a required training that they offered no child care for (go figure that the agency required we attend) Other than that its no luck.
We have joined a pretty good foster parent association that has a great Parents Night Out once a month. We look forward to those 4 hours of alone time. I am not sure where you are located or anything like that, but you might try to locate an association to join that you can depend on. I have also gotten a couple of names of individuals by networking with the other members. We have 5 kids, so no one really wants to keep our kiddos - if we want a sitter we have to pay 2 and split them up.
The last suggestion that I have is your agency - if you are with one. We are in the process of changing, and they told us that they help with that.
I apologize for being so winded - I figure most of us are in the same boat. I am glad to have my family think of me as weird. We have a calling on our life for the children. Otherwise, we would never be strong enough to do this.

Aimee

BS D 11years
FD L 3years
FS S 2years
FS T 1year
FD D 7 weeks

[pogonorms]

I was told (unofficially) during classes that if you trust your kids with the babysitter, then DFS should have no problem with your judgment.

If you have a babysitter every day you'll need to get them checked out but if it's an occasional thing, use your instincts and call references.

Asking someone to do the fingerprint check to babysitter your kids is unreasonable (IMO). Someone is trying to do you a favor. FPs should not be chained to the house. Get a babysitter and go out.

[GingerR]

Thank you for the feedback! I scanned the babysitters website and it looks great... has a report card and whether they have references, so I will definitely check that out further.

Sorry if I came across to anyone as sounding whiny. I've been juggling working from home and having babies in the house for three years, and well, I'm feeling the stress of it lately, LOL.

[mrskllp]

I know how you feel! We have not been out either! No babysitters, family is out of the question, my mom lives out of state and his family FORGET IT!!! I did not know about the babysitters.com thing I may look into that too! It is hard believe me I know that for sure! I hope all works out and you find someone really great to watch your kiddos! Good Luck in your search!

[AmyAnne]

We found our sitters (one of whom was advertised as a nanny) on Craigslist. we have two awesome sitters we found this way.

[AmahMama]

Foster Parent Association Members can be a wealth of info on the laws and rules for your state. In CA they have "Prudent Parenting" but in FL even your relatives cannot babysit without prior clearence, fingerprinting, licensing etc. And in FL if another licensed person has 2 under 2 they cannot babysit a child under 2 for you. From these boards, I know that every state and sometimes counties have specific rules for babysitters.

Everyone needs a night out - or a day for a pedicure - or just a walk in the park with dh - but please, be careful to find out what the rules in your area are before following suggestions that are not from your specific area.

Good Luck

[TAC]

We use our own babysitter. If the children are being watched in your home it is allowable. Still, I agree with AmahMama...check your state's guidelines. No doubt a night out is needed even if it's to the park and you reserve the big payment for the sitter you use.

Pat

[txsar]

Our agency requires that babysitters be at least 18 years old. I think our state requirement is 16. Anyway, if you have a local collge they may have a resource to post job openings. The university that's not far from us has a place where you can place job postings online. You can request specifically what you need (ie. Early Education Major, graduate student, age, etc). You can then interview those that respond.

Hope this helps.

[lovemyseven]

What about swapping with another foster parent. You watch their kids while they go out and they watch yours while you do the same. This way you know that the agency will not have a problem with them since they are actually foster parents and at the same time you help out other fp that are probably experiencing the same problem that you have. Not that I should talk, we have seven that are eleven and under and no one is willing to watch that many kids. My parents will watch them when we have an appointment or something but other than that we are on our own. I can count on one hand the number of times my husband and I have been out by ourselves in the past eleven years.