[excited2adoptsoon]

I am devestated. So if you've been reading my posts, you know I have a 3 year old FD that was placed with us a few months ago. Everything is going waaay better than I ever expected. We were hoping to adopt but it looks like RU will happen next year sometime. Very complicated case, as far as her mom and dad go...but looks like they are going to get her back as they are following their plans.

Well hubby and I want to adopt two kids from fostercare. We had finished our classes at a nonprofit agency. We received our current FD by word of mouth from hubbys coworker. The county actually had her placed with us as a non-related extended family member. We never had to get licensed. It was too easy.

Well now we are ready to be placed with child #2. Adopting is my #1 goal in life right now. This has been amazing for us and for our current placement. So I first called the county that we had our current FD placed from. They said we cannot fost/adopt from them as we do not live in that county. So I now called the nonprofit agency we started with. They did research and said there is no way we can fost/adopt through them as we have a current placement with an 'undetermined turnout'. Well we WANT to adopt TWO kids in the end. So even if we are able to adopt our current FD, we still want #2. The agency said no way...that it's not a stable situation and we cannot move forward. So as a last resort, I contacted my county. They sounded like it would be fine but once they realized I had a child from another county, they said it would be problematic and I should wait.

Do these people know what they are talking about??? I thought people fost/adopt several children at once without knowing their outcomes in advance!!? I am so confused and am in disbelief. My guess is that they fear we will try to have child #2 displaced if we are able to adopt child #1. We would never do that!! We want two and I've tried to explain it and I feel hopeless now.

I guess I should add that the reason I contacted the two counties and our nonprofit agency is that we need to complete a homestudy. It was never required for our current placement. So nobody is willing to do a homestudy for us!

Anyone ever encounter this?

[gabbles1]

Sounds like a lot of confusion. You would think they would be glad to have you! Maybe it will all work out. Just keep on working on it.

[Boulderbabe]

Hey, don't give up on adopting FD#1 yet! Six months is a very very VERY long time in the life of a foster case. Literally everything can change.

When my son was at the six month mark in his case, DSS was saying reunification was imminent. Dad had an apartment, he was out of jail, he had a job, and all his drug tests were coming out negative. DSS began visits at his home to prepare for reunification. And then one day, out of the blue, WHAMMO. He had a test come back positive for cocaine. Then he started missing visits, got busted on a DUI charge, and had a DV incident, all in less than a month. The entire case went from "reunification in the next few weeks" to "We're filing for TPR" in under a month.

You don't know what is going to happen in your FD's case. Her parents could straighten up and fly right, or they could totally foul up. Six months is a very long time for people with problems to sustain a new lifestyle, unfortunately. So they may or may not be ready to take her in a few months' time. You don't know, and you just can't predict. It's still too early.

[kxl164]

The concern from the agencies' point of view is probably that you started the classes but never followed through with the homestudy because you didn't have to with the type of placement your fd is.

I know our county will not do a homestudy on a family who is in some sort of turmoil or change. Divorce, having a baby, completing an adoption, moving.... they will not place a foster child in a family who may not be a secure base for the child.

Your thinking is that other people can foster more than 1 at a time. Their thinking is that you had the chance to get your license and do the homestudy before and you didn't because of this placement so with all of the changes going on they do not feel that you home is a secure base for further children at this time.

The starting place needs be as secure as possible, from both the ageny's point of view and for the needs of the children.

Yes, once you are a licensed foster parent you could have kids come and go and you life might actually be more in a constant turmoil, but when you start things are generally calm and you learn to deal with it after that. If they give you more foster children while things are chaotic.... you get the idea.

I also agree with Boulderbabe, 6 months is a very long time in foster care. Also you said that there are pending crimanal charges against these birthparents, you have no idea what is going to happen.

I would just ride this out if I were you and then foster in the future.

[jllambert]

When we adopted our daughter 3 years ago we knew we wanted to adopt again. We told the workers that we would be open to another placement (We were legal risk/adopt then) and they said they eforce a 1 year waiting period to give you time to adjust and bond with the child you just adopted. We had to go back and update everything when we were finally called (2 1/2 years later) about a possible match and they re-licensed us within about 4 weeks. We did not end up getting those kids(long story), but we did start to foster soon after that!
Good luck! I know it seems so silly to have to wait when you could be giving a child a home.

[lynnpalm]

Hi
I know that it seems bizarre. In our situation we had started off with a local adoption agency. We went through the entire process and birthmom changed her mind. We are now fostering that little one for almost 2 years. The adoption agency is separate from the fostering. It has been weird seeing how their "policy" changes as time goes by for us. Originally, we just needed to wait 6 months before we could pursue an adoption. That changed to a year wait. When we reached that milestone in time, the policy changed yet again. Currently we might be able to update our adoption homestudy 21 months into this. Honestly I have reached the point of thinking that policy will change yet again. GRRR. I have heard from one person at this place that they have not had this situation before. The person in charge seems to have a bias against us adopting in the future based off of one conversation with me last year when it looked like RE was about to occur.
May you have better luck!

[sunsetsky]

Hi
I think it is policy not you. I moved to a 3 bedroom when my fc was 4 months old b/c my fc child needed his own bedroom by the time he was 1 yr old. They reassured me to move ... case was a "sure thing". He is 9 months now and the case is still RU. I asked could I foster b/c I feel like I am fostering now. I now have space for two more children boy or girl. Homestudy was for a girl because she could share with my daughters. I was meet with hesitation. "Are you doing this because the case is not moving along? I would have to change my license from preadoptive to foster but I would have to speak with my supervisor."Some foster parents try to beat the process by fostering infants." ?????? I declined. Once the case is resolved one way or the other, I will decide at that point if I want to change my license. What struck me is there is a HUGE shortage in my urban area. I just don't want to rock the boat. Good luck!