[kydz_7]

My Husband and I got into the talk of that I would like to foster more after baby A leaves (he is 9 months old...had him since 1 day)..CW told me it's 99 percent sure he will be returned about 1 week before x-mas
We did want to adopt one from foster care and got that type of a placement 1 week ago ( a beautiful 14 month old girl). Even though it is hopeful we may be able to adopt her, I would still like to foster. I like having 2..keeps me busy. BUT husband got very negative, like oh, I thought we are done after baby A leaves. Like it cramps his style, though the brunt of the work is done by me. I wish he could see and understand how fulfilling it is for me ~ but he doesn't even though he is good with our 2 now. I felt sad and surprised. I feel very negative now, like why am I holding on to babyA knowing 6 more months he's home...why attach longer than I can handle knowing my husband is not being supportive to foster more after he leaves...Feels like a double loss for me when the time comes. Would it make it easier having him removed now before the attachment just grows stronger and stronger? In tears trying to imagine both scenerios...I never knew how much I could fall in love with someone else's baby...my heart hurts already. any advice please.

[kxl164]

My personal opinon is that he too is attached to A and the thought of him going home after more months of bonding will be very hard on him. And thinking of doing it all over again is just too much for him to handle right now.

I wouldn't push it. I would just love the 2 foster children you have now will all you have and then see what happens.

Maybe your husband will have a change of heart and want to foster after A goes home, but then again maybe he won't, but I wouldn't get upset about it now.

Also, December is a long time away, you never know what will happen between now and then.

My husband and I have had these discussions, when it looked like RU was going to happen he was thinking we would need to take a year off before fostering again and rethinking wanting to foster again at all, but now that things are going to TPR, he is all for fostering again in the future. It is easier for him to think of fostering in the future knowing that our foster children will be with us, but when he thought they were going home.... well he couldn't handle that thought.

Good Luck!

[Becki_in_IN]

Originally Posted by kydz_7

Would it make it easier having him removed now before the attachment just grows stronger and stronger? In tears trying to imagine both scenerios...I never knew how much I could fall in love with someone else's baby...my heart hurts already. any advice please.

Remember kidz, you're not doing this for you. I have had so many pieces ripped out of my heart I wonder if there's anything there anymore, but there is. Fostering can really hurt, but you're giving this little one a wonderful start in life. He NEEDS you. Love him with every part of your being. He deserves that.

[sdiedre]

Will live on in your fs!

I am fostering a month old girl right now - she will be going to out of state family. I am loving and enjoying the time I have with her now, and hope that in the future I will have the opportunity to adopt.

In the meantime, I find it helps me to think of my fc's as nieces and nephews - much loved, but not MINE.

I'm sorry for your pain, but glad your fs has such a loving home!

[Boulderbabe]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. This is just so hard.

My only advice would be not to start the grieving just yet. Six months is an awful long time to grieve for something that hasn't happened yet. And let me tell you, there is no possible way any social worker on earth can be "99%" sure about what is going to happen in six months. Respondent parents can be tremendously unstable, and these cases can turn on a dime. Try to stay in the present!

[twinflana]

They were about to start unsupervised visits with my former foster son's mother when she just up and disappeared so you never know what will happen. So instead of him going home after 6 months we had him for 13 months and then went home to his father. Yes it was hard saying goodbye however knowing he is truly loved by his father makes it easier. It really does help me to talk to the parents and learn more about them.

[ECDGA]

When my fs was just about to go home the whole case went in an entirely different direction. He was 6 weeks away from ru--yours is 6 months--that is an eternity in foster care. Hang in there and I am sorry that you are feeling misunderstood by your husband right now. He may be feeling as awful as you--and if he is not than I am sure that he is feeling awful for you and probably wondering what will happen to you when the baby leaves. I know my husband and kids are extremely attached to our fs but they all constantly worry about my emotional well being when it is time for him to reunify.

[marthavmommy]

I would try not to worry, but know you must be. So much can change so quickly. Remember it's the caseworkers job to get the family reunified. And she is going to talk as though there is no other possibility. When we got our FD the CW told us that is was def heading to RU, that the bios were doing everything they should be doing on their case plan, and she kept making excuses and enabling them. Example: when bio mom didnt show up at the family visitation center twice she moved the visits to her office so that she wouldnt miss 3 visits. (then she would be kicked out of the visitation center and the judge would be informed).

God blessed us with a new case worker 3 mos into the case, who objectively observed the lack of progress the bios were making and recommended the case plan be changed to adoption.

A new law passed last summer that gives foster parents 'de facto' parental status, which can also help.

I can't believe your judge would allow the child to languish in the system so far past the 12 months they usually allow for bios to accomplish their case plan.

Whatever the circumstances love that baby for the time being and have faith that things will work out just as they were meant to.

Sending prayers and strength your way.

[loving2foster]

This is just what I think, sure, we are with the kids all the time and the husbands come in after work and see our Foster Children for a few hours....they might talk the talk about not wanting to do this or how this changes their lives, our lives, our BC lives and might be really negative sometimes. But I think they get attatched also, and dont really want to admit it. I know my husband doesnt want to admit it. But deep down I know how much he cares for the babies that become part of our family. He will come in and take one of the babies from me and not give them back for awhile. But to hear him talk to other people, this is my decision to do this...He claims that I am really attatched to our almost 3 month old baby boy, but I know for a fact he loves this baby.....and this baby is going to be leaving us within the month. Our whole family is going to be very sad, but you have to think that even though we love that baby that is leaving there are so many more that need our love and attention. We keep 2 infants always so I feel blessed that he does get up during night feedings sometimes and helps me with that...Just talk to you husband, tell him how you feel, maybe he will come around....