[compelled2bbetter]

I'm still waiting for my foster care license and got a call that I needed to supplement my homestudy information. The specific question was whether my BF lived with me and whether he spends the night. My initial response was that he doesn't stay the night at my place and certainly would not be staying the night if I had fk. I even mentioned that he is looking for another job, which would require him to relocate. I started thinking that if he relocates then he may end up staying overnight when he's in town so I called my SW back with the intention of only asking when he should be screened/fingerprinted if he were going to visit. Well she just suggested to have him screened/fingerprinted right now so that there wouldn't be any issues with current homestudy.

So, the wrinkle... BF has no intentions of being fingerprinted/screened. It's the principle. He feels its an absolute invasion of his privacy. I honestly can't blame him. I've been rather appalled by the suggestion that my 17 year brother needs to be fingerprinted/screened (upon turning 18) before he spends the weekends with me.

So, the question: How do you think this will affect my license? I am going to call SW tomorrow and just lay it out there. They can't force him to be fingerprinted as he doesn't live in the home. I don't even think they can say he can't come into the home or spend the night as a condition of the license (I believe from MAPP classes that a person who stayed in the home for more than a week needed to be fingerprinted).

My SW and I have had a great relationship to date and I'm hoping she can put a decent "spin" on this for the State b/c this isn't an issue of his background. What do you all think? Any suggestions?

Compelled

[stevenstwin]

Personally? I'd say if he supports you in being a foster parent he should do it, and I think it is a little selfish of him to refuse. YES, I understand that he sees it as an invasion of privacy, but it is one of those measures that really is intended to keep the children safe. I'm thinking of my own daughters here - and wondering if I'd be comfortable with the staying at some place where the mom's boyfriend or brother would be staying the night - without me knowing if they are "safe". Obviously I'm not saying anything about your specific loved ones - but I'd sure want more than just "word of mouth" that they weren't registered sex offenders or something! I guess my point is that you CAN'T guarantee you can keep a child safe in your home while you are sleeping if you have overnight guests - so this is the best way we have of keeping some sort of standard. (another way to look at it - if he was a full time live-in boyfriend, he'd have to be attending the classes and getting licensed as well! My husband was NOT wild about having to do that, but he did it.)

[Floridamom76]

I know here my own Mother had to be fingerprinted in order to watch my FD for the daytime...not even for overnight visits. She had no problem doing it because she totally supported me taking in our FD. I can understand him saying it's a violation of his privacy however if I was a biomom and my FS or FD was in your care I would want anyone coming in contact with my kid to be cleared...even if it meant no overnights.

My 13 yr old daughter had a juvenile background check performed before we could get licensed (but of course she lives with us too).

And the 17 yr old should be fingerprinted if he is indeed spending a weekend along with the FD or FS. That is just for the foster childrens protection. Anyone over 12 is required here to be background checked which includes any children coming for overnights only (IE: visitations or weekend visits) as they come in contact with the foster kids.

Sometimes principle needs to be put aside for the protection of the kids in our care. Sorry I have no answers but just my opinion and that's probably not worth much.

[compelled2bbetter]

Thanks Stevenstwin for the reply. I understand the concern about safety, etc.

I just wanted to clarify that I didn't want this thread to turn into a debate on lifestyle choices or an evaluation of my relationships. That's really not why I am asking for advice.

I'm simply asking how the refusal to have a person fingerprinted/screened would be treated, particularly when this person does NOT live in the home and would not be staying the night. I agree with the invasion of privacy to a certain point b/c this is the equivalent of saying that no one (family or friends) can come into your home without being fingerprinted/screened. Do I ask all my out of town visitors to give a month's notice so that I can get them screened/fingerprinted? I am not be naive about the possibility of harm to a child but there's also this great discussion (at least in Florida) of providing normalcy for fc.

My point (which I didn't articulate too well) is where does this stop? Does my mom have to be fingerprinted and checked before she can spend the night? They're already saying that my brother (a high school junior who turns 18 in September) should be fingerprinted/screened. Maybe this is because they're males. I don't have a clue but my license should have nothing to do with people who do not live in my home or who spend very limited amounts of time there.

[Hadley2]

"...isn't a question of his background."

Yes, it is. He hasn't got one and if he's going to be in the home a lot, especially any overnights, he needs one. These are one-size-fits-all rules for good reasons.

I agree with the above posters. As a fp, you don't have any of that kind of privacy, nor should you. As they noted, fp's own children must often (depending on the state) be fingerprinted and checked if over the age of 12. My dd was 11 when I applied, and they went ahead with all the checks on her since it is a two-year license. I'm sorry, but it is what it is.

And it is that way for many things now, not just foster care. Many organizations require fingerprinting, criminal checks, bonding, etc., before a person may work with kids in even a volunteer setting. In our own Sunday School, names are run against the registry and all classes must have a minimum of two adults present at all times--a single adult is never to be left alone with the kids. This is for the adults' protection as well as the kids.

He is not being singled out and has no reason to be affronted by the request which has nothing to do with him really and everything to do with keeping kids safe. I hope he gets over it as you have worked hard for this.

[Lamaena]

Honestly, I don't see why it should matter, when the bottom line is that you will not be fingerprinting every person that comes to visit. If they are trusting you to take in these children then they should also be trusting your judgement.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, you are the only person living in your home, I don't see how everyone that may be spending the night should be fingerprinted too!

[twinflana]

I believe your question was how this will affect your getting licensed. Here in our county in Florida you would be denied. My daughter turned 18 a month before we were licensed she was only 17 when we started 14 months previously and before they would sign the final paperwork she had to be fingerprinted. Yes if your brother spends the night he will need to be fingerprinted. I know alot of foster parents just go ahead and have siblings and parents fingerprinted so that if every necessary to leave the foster children with family they are already cleared.

[Nicole Elaine]

Honestly, I think it's all about the kids. How many foster children have been sexually, physically, and verbally abused by men whose wife/gf/etc. thought they would never do such a thing? Of course fingerprints will not prevent future behavior, and I am not at all trying to insult you or him, but if he has nothing to hide, why not just do it? If he really supports you doing it, then he should do it. His reluctance may make the SW wonder why he is reluctant to do it.

Like others said, he's actually lucky if that's all he has to do... my fiance and I live together and both have had to go through the training, background checks, fingerprints, physicals, life history essay, etc.

Keep in mind that if he doesn't do this and says he won't stay at your house, but he ends up staying, you could face having your foster children removed from your home and the revocation of your license.

I think the foster care system is "darned if they do, darned if they don't". If, God forbid, harm was caused to a child by a family member or friend who was staying there but wasn't screened, there would be even more negative connotations associated with foster care.

And in response to the question about whether or not it will affect your chances of being licensed, yes I think it will. But the only way to know for sure is to ask.

But good luck no matter what!

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by compelled2bbetter

Thanks Stevenstwin for the reply. I understand the concern about safety, etc.

I just wanted to clarify that I didn't want this thread to turn into a debate on lifestyle choices or an evaluation of my relationships. That's really not why I am asking for advice.

I have no idea how you came to the conclusion that I was commenting on or debating on your lifestyle or relationships. I said NOTHING at all about that - I answered your question about the fingerprinting. If I wasn't clear, then let me by clear now. The rules is that EVERYONE who stays overnight in your house must have a background check done. If they refuse, they don't stay. Period.

[compelled2bbetter]

Stevenstwin, the reference to my personal relationships was not directed at you. It was to clarify my prior post but frankly you were addressing a personal point. "Personally? I'd say if he supports you in being a foster parent he should do it, and I think it is a little selfish of him to refuse." This a judgment of BF on several levels and borders on questioning my relationship. But that's just my view. Regardless of that, my intent was to simply thank you for responding but to then clarify for everyone reading what my intent was.


Rather than be really offended by any additional posts, I think it is best for me to simply say Thank you to everyone for reading and responding and I think I've gotten the gist of the varying views on this point.

Compelled

[Lamaena]

Let me get this clear Stevenstwin, Are u saying that you have everyone who has ever spent the night at your house since you became a foster parent fingerprinted? I think that is an unreasonable expectation of any foster parent, and if that were the case a lot of people would not be fostering to begin with. I mean, seriously, let's get real, do we fingerprint all of our friends and family before we allow them to come into our homes to spend time w/ us and our biokids?
I agree that everyone living in the home should be fingerprinted, perhaps even attend the course, but to have everyone that might ever spend the night fingerprinted is IMHO a bit much to ask.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Lamaena

Let me get this clear Stevenstwin, Are u saying that you have everyone who has ever spent the night at your house since you became a foster parent fingerprinted? I think that is an unreasonable expectation of any foster parent, and if that were the case a lot of people would not be fostering to begin with. I mean, seriously, let's get real, do we fingerprint all of our friends and family before we allow them to come into our homes to spend time w/ us and our biokids?
I agree that everyone living in the home should be fingerprinted, perhaps even attend the course, but to have everyone that might ever spend the night fingerprinted is IMHO a bit much to ask.

If that was the requirement, then yes I would and not find it odd.I believe the original poster was saying that WAS what was required in her case. In our case, the requirements are probably a little different since we are kinship care and they seem more "relaxed" about such issues. They've also giving me special permission due to my son's age for overnights at friends houses, without having the parents do background checks - but that required a separate letter signed by the supervisor.

[Lamaena]

I don't believe she ever said it was a requirement. Ultimately, the issue is that no one should be expected to fingerprint every person that comes in contact with their foster children b/c no one does it for their own kids. Again, it is MHO that it is an unreasonable expectation if parents are not expected to fingerprint everyone that comes in contact with their biological children, to expect that we fingerprint everyone that comes in contact with our foster children. I love my fd as much as I love my biological sons, they are all cared for in the same way, and I take the same precautions for the care of all three of my kids.

[sdiedre]

Yikes! This question never occurred to me......does this mean my folks have to get fingerprinted if they come up for a visit? What if I take the kids down to see them for a weekend?

[Floridamom76]

Originally Posted by sdiedre

Yikes! This question never occurred to me......does this mean my folks have to get fingerprinted if they come up for a visit? What if I take the kids down to see them for a weekend?

Probably depends upon your agency or state. I know here I had to get my Mom fingerprinted and she only picks up our FD after school! Mom works in the nursery at church so she's used to being background screened. Best bet is to ask your SW their procedures.