[la vida loca]

Tomorrow is the 18 month review and I know that the parents have been informed that the recommendation to the court will be for TPR.

Last week I learned that even if TPR takes place during court in the morning the dad's visit will still take place in the afternoon. On a good day visits have serious repercussions and my seven-year-old FD has been having real troubles coping at home and at school since last Thursday after dad made an unfortunate remark. (She was sent home Friday, and then again yesterday for ungood behaviors.)

My FD does not know that there is a court date tomorrow or what a big deal it is. On the chance that nothing is resolved it was decided (with the help of her therapist) that we wouldn't bring this added stress to her right now.

My worst case scenario is that the parents have their parental rights terminated in the morning, then on the heels of that ruling the very volatile dad has a visit with the girls (only one is with me) without a cooling off period or any advance warning to the girls.

Anyone have any suggestions about how to minimize the damage this could cause?

[tinatyme]

Is there no way to get the visit rescheduled so that preparations can be made for the girls' well being either way? It seems pretty extreme to have a visit happen on the heels of a TPR.

If there is absolutely no way to get out of the visit, I would prepare your daughter for the worst without giving her all the information. So maybe in the morning say "today's visit might be different than before. There are lots of things going on and I want you to feel comfortable. You know that I will always be there to support you and if after the visit you are having trouble you can talk to me about it. etc." so that she has some expectation of things happening but doesn't dread it all day or focus on it and then TPR doesn't happen.

Either way it is going to be a difficult day (week!) for you picking up the pieces. I'm wishing you some peace and balance during this transition time.

Tina

[la vida loca]

Thanks Tina...that's excellent advice and I intend to take it.

[athikers]

I know things are different in different states, so I could be way off on this... BUT. I don't believe they can just terminate without a trial except in extraordinary cases. In my state the parents must be notified a certain amount of days in advance that the termination is going to take place. Then, they enter a plea, THEN there is a trial.

Either way, if tpr does happen, visits should cease automatically, as the parents no longer have the "right" to see their children.

[la vida loca]

I'm in California. Today is supposed to be the trial. Apparently the very supervised visits may continue for the next 60 days while the parents appeal, though hopefully at a once monthly rate rather than the twice weekly rate it is now. The parents expend quite a bit of energy voicing complaints about violations of their personal rights and I suspect visits may continue during the appeal so that all the bases are covered. They are already claiming parental alienation caused by the social workers and the foster parents.

Today would normally be the father's day to visit and his behavior requires that no less than two social workers supervise his visits. Today they have three additional social workers standing by in case the visit takes place.

[tinatyme]

La vida Loca - Sending good thoughts your way. Let us know how it goes. All the best!

Tina

[Boulderbabe]

FIVE social workers for one parental visit? Whoa. That is intense.

I hope that the best possible outcome for your FD is reached today at trial. (With five social workers per visit, the outcome may be preordained....). Good luck to all of you, and may the girls soon have a much more stable routine!

[la vida loca]

Because one of the attorneys showed up seriously late there was only about 15 minutes to hear the case so the case has been continued until July 6th. The visit today with the dad is going ahead as originally planned. However, because the therapists all made it clear that the visits are toxic to the girls the parents have new restrictions upon what they can and cannot say during visits. If they make any inappropriate comments the visit is to be immediately terminated. We may get to have visits reduced down to once a week with the parents alternating weeks. That would be huge. We didn't take any big steps back, we just didn't take any big steps forward either.

Thank you all for your support.