[Withay]

If your foster child will not see their mom on Mother’s Day, do you help your child select a gift, make something etc. for them to give her?

[jackiesbooks]

I have always had my fs wrap a photo in a nice frame for the next visit. He never receieved a thanks or anything, but I did it for 2 years.

[kxl164]

We did last year, and things were going well at that point. We just sent a nice framed photo and handprints.

We will not this year, birthmother has taken off.

[Boulderbabe]

All right, dangnabit, I'll admit it. I am having a hard time with this one this year.

Every year for the last four, I've sent my son's bmom something for mother's day. When he was in foster care, I sent framed photos and a card. After the adoption, I sent flowers and a photo of him holding a "Happy Mother's Day" sign, along with a really heartfelt letter.

I've never, ever gotten a response from her, except once when she called me (get this) to ORDER MORE PICTURES for her family and friends. And by "order," I don't mean "offer to pay for reprints." She just called up and demanded that I send copies at my own expense!

It's not just that she never acknowledges me on Mother's Day. I don't expect her to---it's just too fraught. But she never acknowledges me as the person who is parenting him, EVER, and she never even acknowledges me as a human being. She treats me like the desk clerk at a hotel: impersonally, as if I'm waiting on her.

And to be honest, I'm totally sick of it. I'm not sending bupkes for Mother's Day this year. And frankly, I doubt that she'll notice.

[mommyto9]

Sorry, this is off topic. But I had the same situation as Boulderbabe. My fs's bio mom is incarcerated. I sent her professiosnal pics of the boys. She send me a letter telling me to send more copies for family!! Then another time after I sent snapshots, which by the way I do not have to do, she sent me a letter stating she would prefer more pics of the boys together, not individually.

Excuse me.....I didn't have to send the ones you got, let alone tailor the orders to your liking.

Geesh!

[swanzie]

mommyto9, - if a bio did that to me I'd have the boys stand in a row - and take a picture of their backsides and send it. (LOL). Well - they are all together in a 1 picture - I'd like to see her complaint with that one!!

[mommyto9]

Let me tell you it was tempting to do something like that!! Some people have alot of nerve...don't they?

She has since voluntarily signed away her rights....so I don't have to worry about it any more.....

[mylilangels]

I have a 16yr fd who will be visiting her biom on sat and she told me what she's getting her mom, and her boyfriends mom..I said how are you paying for it? she said if i had a job i would but i'll pay you back after i get my job..i was floored..i can understand wanting to get mom but boyfriends mom..no way..her cw told me to let her bake something for mom, but she wants to go all out..

[hubbyswife]

Last year I gave bmom the gift FD made at daycare. It was basically handprints. Bmom seemed thankful but then again the kids barely came into care and after this past year of her not treating my FD fairly, I'm not too enthusiastic about sending anything. The case is going to TPR..... so we will see.... maybe i'll send the gift FD makes at daycare again.....

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by mylilangels

I have a 16yr fd who will be visiting her biom on sat and she told me what she's getting her mom, and her boyfriends mom..I said how are you paying for it? she said if i had a job i would but i'll pay you back after i get my job..i was floored..i can understand wanting to get mom but boyfriends mom..no way..her cw told me to let her bake something for mom, but she wants to go all out..

No, I sure as heck wouldn't be shelling out the money on some vague "I'll pay you back" promise. At 16, it's time to learn to budget a little. Has she had any "income", like an allowance? FS wanted me to lend him money to buy birthday gifts for friends, and I told him he SHOULD have been saving it out of money he had from before. For mother's day last year he gave his step-mom something he'd made in shop class. (and when she left she threw it into the dumpster with other "junk" she didn't want...but I digress)

[AmyAnne]

My son made mothers day gifts for his grandmas and one former F Mom. He doesn't seem to have any desire to send anything to B Mom, and they don't have contact anyhow, but I could probably send it through DSS.

For me, he and I are going to the Philly Zoo (We have a membership so it's free for us to get in. Yet he's delighted to be "Taking his Mom out to the zoo" for mother's day )

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by AmyAnne

For me, he and I are going to the Philly Zoo (We have a membership so it's free for us to get in. Yet he's delighted to be "Taking his Mom out to the zoo" for mother's day )

That is so cute! We're actually moving on Mother's Day, so I think I'll let my son "take me out to the park" for Mother's Day!

[quiescentfury]

My 11 yo and 9 yo foster daughters wanted us to buy there mom all kinds of stuff. They also wanted to give her a lot of their stuff. They will be seeing her on Saturday. We told the girls that we will not be buying anything, but we would help them come up with projects for their mom. 9yo is going to write a poem and then decorate the paper around it. The older one made a book in school, it was the top 10 reasons I love my mom. She is going to be giving that to her. The baby brother just turned one, so I am thinkng about trying to do hand and foot prints, but it may be a bit hard because he does not really like to be touched to much. Dh might have to help me hold him still while he is freaking out.

[ca-bigsister]

We went to Walmart and got a gold plated necklace that said "mom" for $15. We do it together and it's sort of a ritual. We also got her great-grandmother a necklace because she was her former caretaker.

My mom takes my FD out to get me a gift, and together FD and I shop for my mom who helps out a lot with driving, taking her to appointments, etc.

I bought the gift because I want to teach my FD the proper way to give gifts. She was not brought up where they properly give gifts (wrapping, giving thought ahead of time, etc.) so this is for my FD, not for the biomom. I always make sure biomom gets a gift on mother's day, birthday and holidays. They're all around 10 to 15 dollars, and usually include photos. They may be a shirt that says "world's greatest mom", etc. from Old Navy.

Her biomom doesn't deserve it, but she is the biomom so I look at it as my gift to my FD because I am teaching her to be compassionate and thoughtful with family, and to do the right thing. She was not taught that, so I want to make sure that she can pass this along to her family as she gets older and has children.

It isn't easy, but for us, it's the right thing to do. I know that each family is different and needs to do what is right for them.

By the way, I am the legal guardian and foster mother. FD doesn't want to be adopted because she is 15. If she would let me adopt her, the situation would be different.

FD's biodad is in prison so we always send photos and a card, for father's day, birthday, etc. No, he doesn't deserve it really either but I figure prison is a horrible place and maybe having positive contact will have a good impact when he is released - 5 years.

[greenish]

Originally Posted by ca-bigsister

I look at it as my gift to my FD because I am teaching her to be compassionate and thoughtful with family, and to do the right thing. She was not taught that, so I want to make sure that she can pass this along to her family as she gets older and has children.

I don't think it would have occurred to me to think of it that way but as soon as I read what you wrote, I thought "Of course! That makes all the sense in the world!