[klriggins]

Hello all...getting a new placement, 3 y/o boy. For the next month of so he will be transitioning from another foster home to ours, TPR was filed last week and we plan to adopt him. While everyone else is only concerned about his transition to us, I'm concerned about our 8 y/o (A) fd's transition to him. For the last 2 months it has been her only, and I'm worried about how to involve her in this.

For example, we are going to the zoo with his whole foster family, and everyone in our family acts shocked when I tell them that A is going with us. They think that we should let him get used to us first, then bring her into it. She is going to feel left out from the very begining, and will resent him even more than she might already.

My other concern is, how to I avoid treating her differently, now that we know he will be with us forever and she will be going home soon? I am trying very hard, but I cant say that everyone else around is putting as much effort into it. I can understand what they are saying from a financial aspect of it, but she is going to feel like she has been replaced......she's been pushed aside too many times already.

Thanks so much everyone!!

[vesw01]

I would bring her along. We are a family, no matter if some are here for a short while or longer - we stick together. I don't like to pretend, I would rather say this is the way life is, so come on in.

You will be fine. Take one day at a time and cuddle each of them each day.

[LibbyHawkins]

I agree with your instincts, take her along.

[hubbyswife]

We are also transitioning a 2yr boy into our home in the next couple of weeks and we will also be adopting him.

We are not suppose to take our girls to the first visit with him but the next day the girls will meet him and play w him b/c he's going to spend the day w us.

Good luck with everything....

[Lorraine123]

We did not bring our other children along on our first few meetings with our daughter. I think the bond that needs to be created with the parents is so important and its tough to work on that with other children around. You need to initially focus on the new child and its more unfair to bring the other child along in that situation. JMO.

[Batty1]

klriggins -

Is the zoo trip going to be the first meeting? If so, then I wouldn't bring A. But if it's not the first visit, I would definitely bring A.

What wonderful news for you, and congratulations!

[kxl164]

On a trip to the Zoo, then I would include her, if it was a trip to the foster family's home then I might not.

I mean, it will be hard for her to know that you have another child coming into the home, but from her perspective to miss a trip to the Zoo too, that would breed resentment even more imo.

I think you should do both though, familly visits and visits of one on one time.

Good Luck!

[klriggins]

So the zoo trip was great! We met I (3y/o) on Thursday, he was a little more receptive on Saturday. We got to his house and he showed me his fish and frogs and cats, he's ALL boy.

His family has an 8 year old fd, and at first it looked like she and A were going to be good friends. Unfortunatly it looks like she has a more difficult time with behaviors than A does, and this rubbed off on A. I's f-brother asked if he could stay the night with, then I asked if he could too! So great! We'll get him used to us with the security of the brother, all will be well, right?

A asked if she could stay the night with the other family, I was a little nervous, but they seemed to be having a great time.

When I got there to switch kids this morning I discover that they fought all night long and eventually the other one called A fat, so A pushed her off the trampoline and tried to fight her.

Maybe not the friend she needs to spend a lot of time with. But the boys were great with us! We had a big time. He wants to come back tomorrow .

Now if only Tim would let me play with him a little.