[~*Max*~]

sometimes. I asked him to put his sister's shoes on for her. He especially pulled them out of the last row of eyelets to tie them, which sadly I did not notice. We were shopping somewhere with a concrete floor and she was eating a breakfast sandwich (we'd been in a hurry to get there because REALLY good things go very fast and cheap in the morning - I missed out on an exquisite grill and patio set for nothing last Saturday) when she tripped, fell to the floor, shoes flew off, sandwich flew from her hands. I was livid when I saw that how he had tied them caused her to fall and hurt herself. I told him he had been lazy tying them and that his laziness had hurt his sister. I admit, I yelled, and he cried. Loudly. It's one thing when his actions have consequences for himself, but when they cause his sister to be hurt, it's another. I realize now I should have checked his handiwork instead of trusting him to not be so careless. :/ He's in his room now and I said when he was ready to apologize to his sister he could come out. I am sure this will blow over soon but did I seriously overreact?

Do I not have what it takes to be a foster mom?

[bjhv5]

You are human!! I have yelled at my children when they were FC. It happens. I just say I am sorry I yelled But you could have hurt her really bad.

[vegaschristina]

To yell is human, to hit, not allowed.

[mrstkg1]

Give yourself a break. Give him an apology, a hug, and all will be better. Children have to learn to ask for forgiveness and to forgive.

I've yelled, I'm sure we all have. You can fix it.

[AmyAnne]

The first time I lost my temper majorly with my son, I told him to shut up. He had pushed every button I had. I yelled and told him I did not want to hear one more word come out of his mouth, and I sent him to his room.

I called our social worker in tears, feeling like an awful parent. She told me "The fact that you lost your temper is not important. The reconnection is. The fact that you can revisit the situation, explain calmly why you got so upset, hug, forgive and move on."

[MamaTo6]

You need to cut yourself some slack. We've all yelled. As other posters have said, go ive that boy a hug and apoligise for yelling. Explain that adults make mistakes too, and that he really could have hurt his sister terribly.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard day. Hopefully by now it's all over with and all is well.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by ~*Max*~

I am sure this will blow over soon but did I seriously overreact?

I don't really think so.

I'l admit that causing a scene out in public somewhere probably isn't the best thing for all concerned, but he also has to learn to take responsibility for the things he does, and understand that there can be consequences for taking short cuts, and that sometimes those short cuts mean people get hurt.

This time, it was just a kid tripping on a shoelace, and there probably wasn't any real harm done. What if next time it was a seat belt or something else that's a lot more important than a shoelace?

[stevenstwin]

I don't think you've done any awful damage - goodness knows I've lost my temper myself plenty of times! I do wonder, though, if the task is a little beyond him? My own 8 year old can barely get her own shoes properly tied. I guess since she is my youngest she just looks so "little" to me (the older ones help HER with stuff) that I can't imagine asking her to take charge of a younger sibling...but I guess my older one was doing that sort of thing for her little sis by that age.

[athikers]

If I could have tape recorded the way hubby handled himself when M kicked a hole in her bedroom wall, I'm certain he would think he sounded ugly and mean. But, the next morning (this all happened LATE in the evening) over breakfast he apologized and said it wasn't appropriate to speak to her as he did. Its less than two weeks later, and you'd never know it happened. You're doing fine.

[Boulderbabe]

Yah, you probably overreacted. Welcome to the wonderful world of parenthood----it might be the first time, but it sure won't be the last!

One thing I think is a good lesson for our kids to learn is that we, the adults, can admit our mistakes and ask our children for forgiveness. I think it sets a model for them to learn about how good relationships work and how we make things right after we've messed up.

So maybe you can go up, give him a hug, tell him you're sorry for yelling, and then all of you can let it go.

[jillned]

Not trying to be mean here, lord knows I've lost my temper and i agree with what everyone has said here, but perhaps it could have all been avoided if you just double checked his "work." I'm not sure how old he is but sometimes putting kids in charge of siblings can be disasterous. Just my .02

[WhoKnew]

Originally Posted by AmyAnne

I called our social worker in tears, feeling like an awful parent. She told me "The fact that you lost your temper is not important. The reconnection is. The fact that you can revisit the situation, explain calmly why you got so upset, hug, forgive and move on."

I really agree with this, especially after reading Parenting from the Inside Out. I think sometimes we are hesitant to apologize out of our own embarassment or for fear of calling more attention to our over-reaction. Since reading this book, I make more of an effort to apologize (and try to explain) when I have yelled and/or over-reacted. It does happen to all of us!

[TAC]

So much good stuff...agree with so much but do want to echo the point jilned put out there about double checking the work...but ultimately you are responsible for the sibling's safety not son...I know when I am angry with my fd regarding something with her sister I have to check myself and ask how mad at her am I versus myself...

Don't get me wrong...the situation is over and I think the make up is much more important than worrying about what happened...I know my temper flares and there are times I wish I could eat my words or alter my own behavior...I would just reconsider how much responsibililty I give fs to care for fd...who knows what his feelings are over it and if they are siblings how often was he responsible for this when they were not in care...

[ca-bigsister]

I know that we're not supposed to yell, but we are human and I don't think that we do our children any good by just being smiling nodding cheerleaders. He did something wrong and got a real reaction from you for his actions. Yes sometimes I'm in a bad mood and cranky. I don't take it out on my foster children, but I think they also need to see that we have moods like everyone else. I am nurturing, supportive and will do anything for my FD. But we are also human.

I like the idea of owning your behavior, apologizing for it and explaining WHY you reacted like you did. This may open the doors for your FS to speak about his feelings about other matters, too.