[shy_bear]

Any advice on how to stop this???? We have told her that in our home we don't use those kind of words. She freely tells us that her family does, and we have explained there are diff. rules in diff. houses. We have used time outs. I don't know what else to do. I don't want my 5 yr old to think this is ok. My daughter has already started using some of the slang that fc speaks; we pulled our child aside and spoke with her about that and restated that bad words are not ok. Any other suggestions?????

[straightblues]

This is why it is generally not a good idea to have foster children and bio children of the same age. The bad habits of the forster children rub off on the bios just as much as the good habits of the bio children rubs off on the foster children.

You just need to continue with the time outs and be consitant. Your bio child gets immediate time out also if they use the bad word. Bad words can include slang you don't like. Yes, your rules are different from her other family and she must obey them.

Our foster children bring home slang words from school all the time that are unacceptable. If I don't approve of them, I give them a warning and then send them right to time out for it. If you are stern, they learn pretty quick.

[pogonorms]

Generally speaking, if you make a big deal about it the child will only want to use the word more.

When my (almost) five yr old occasionally says things he shouldn't, I ignore it. The adult bad words are reallly not used again and if they are I tell him it's inappropriate for him to use those words. Very matter of factly. Or I'll tell him that he has better words than that. If he says that I say that word I'll tell him "yeah, but... you're smarter than that... act like it."

I just wish I could find a way for him to stop asking me to smell his butt.

[shy_bear]

My girls laugh over anything related to potty humor; at some point I know they will grow out of it!!!

We took these girls as a favor to our placement worker. It is now backfiring on us!!!! We were told they would be here for 10 to 14 days. There was a family ID'd for them it was just a matter of the placment worker, the cw and the GAL coming together to sit down and discuss it. Well, tomorrow is the 14 day mark and no one will even return our calls!!! We had made plans months ago for our family and now it looks like they will have to be altered b/c we have not made any child care arrangements for the fc's. They have us b/t a rock and a hard place b/c if we gripe too much it could effect us getting an adoptive placment so we are stuck at this point and have to grin and bear it!!!!

This is what I get for being nice; it will NOT happen again!!

[AmyAnne]

Tell her if she wants to talk garbage, she can also clean it up. Have her empty the bedroom wastebaskets or pick up 10 pieces of trash outside or carry out the recycling every time she does it? Or you can have her scrub the toilet since she's being a "pottymouth", even if you just use a teeny bit of dish soap and a toilet brush (no dangerous chemicals). It's not important that the toilet be spotless... just that she does it.

[momof2redheads]

If you give her sweet snacks or dessert even soda/juice tell her that since she uses dirty talk you have to "wash it out" and only give her water nothing sweet. Or if you make a cake don't give her a piece because she is using such dirty talk. A FM I know does this and it really seems to work for her. Of course she always makes sure there is something sweet for dessert when a child has been Dirty talking.

[AmyAnne]

Momof2....

Cool idea... but I do want to caution if the child has food deprivation issues this may trigger a tantrum or flashbacks.

[momof2redheads]

Amyanne
I totally agree you really have to know your child.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by momof2redheads

If you give her sweet snacks or dessert even soda/juice tell her that since she uses dirty talk you have to "wash it out" and only give her water nothing sweet. Or if you make a cake don't give her a piece because she is using such dirty talk. A FM I know does this and it really seems to work for her. Of course she always makes sure there is something sweet for dessert when a child has been Dirty talking.

My sense is that it's not a good idea to use food for reward or punishment. It makes it really hard for kids to manage their own diets later on, since food comes to mean so many other things besides a way to deal with hunger. (And I have this problem myself, which does NOT make it easy to control my weight. I keep rewarding myself with food....)

Plus, sometimes even negative attention can reward behavior. On something like this, I think it's probably better to just give a stern look and say, "I don't like it when you talk like this."

[Scootersbabygirl]

Here's a thought...take away all priveledges...tv, phone (unless it's CW mandated), games, computer, ect. Explain that if they are able to not say a bad word for four to six hours, whatever time limit you want to set, with OUT saying a bad word, you get a sticker put onto a chart (sticker, check mark, watever). After you get a certain amount of stickers, check marks, whatever, you get priveledges returned. If you don't get the allotted amount of stickers in a day, you don't get priveledges. If you have a bad day and have to lose check marks, priveledges get removed again.

Sometimes (as I'm learning quickly) rewards work better than punishments. She's old enough to earn her priveledges and understand it.

[Boulderbabe]

Sticker charts are great, but only work with kids who can link actions and consequences over time. Lots of kids can't, so in those cases, immediate rewards work a lot better.

(My 3 year old couldn't use a sticker chart if his life depended on it! He just can't remember to monitor his behavior now for a reward later.)

[FAITHfarms]

It seems that a combination of some of the responses are similar a behavior contract. I have not used this personally, but I really like the idea. Have a written conract where the child can see it and both of you must "sign" it. Choose the target behavior ( bad language) and a specific and appropriate amount of time to create the contract for. If the child doesn't say any bad words in that amount of time there is a positive reward (play time, movie, etc...) If the child says the bad word than the child must immediatley do whatever the negative consequence is. Like the idea of cleaning something in the bathroom as the negative consequence. It teaches the child to take responsibility for her actions and you don't have to be the "bad guy." The child knows both the good and bad consequences and that she makes the choice. Good luck!

[Boulderbabe]

Be sure and check your foster care regs before having foster kids cleaning toilets. While DSS here permits us to give kids chores, we are not permitted to hand out labor as punishment.