[ilene21117]

Hi Everyone,
In the beginning of January 2007 we were interviewed by DSS to adopt a 14 month old baby boy. He was currently in foster care and the couple that had him were in their late 50's early 60's. The SW's did not want to allow this family to adopt the baby because of their age, so they decided to interview 5 families along with my husband and I. Well, 3 weeks ago we got the call that we were the couple selected to be the future adoptive parents of this infant. We were soo excited which I'm sure some of you can relate. The entire time this was going on we tried to keep it low key and not tell too many people in case it didn't work out. However, once we got the call we felt safe enough to call our friends and family. Everyone was so excited for us. Some people even got us gifts even though we hadn't met the baby yet. When we were interviewed by the SW's along with our SW she informed us that the foster parents may give them a fight for the child, but not to be worried about it because they are too old to adopt a child this age. She said they were informed of it at their training class. She also said that they were having three older siblings placed with them to make it easier for them when DSS tells them they are placing the baby with another couple. So, a week goes by and the foster parents weren't informed yet because the baby's sw was out due to a death in the family. The following week I got a call from my sw who said that instead of them having pre-placement visits with us and the baby he would just be placed with us because the foster parents got an attorney and are going to battle with them for the baby. She said not to worry about it that the best interest of the child has to be considered and to her it's much better for him to be placed with a younger couple such as my husband and I then this couple who is much older. So, she says there coming in with their attorney tommorow morning. She then calls back and says now their are coming in on Friday instead and my sw will be out of town for two weeks. Not that she could do anything, but at least I'de have her to talk to and find out what's going on. Long story short for the past two weeks DSS was trying to make a decision of what to do and came to the conclusion to keep the baby with this couple because not only is he attached to them, but to their 3 other foster children too. My sw is still away until 3/14 so her supervisor and another supervisor came out yesterday afternoon to meet with my husband and I and tell us the decision. We weren't suprised. What we were however, was angry and dissappointed in how they handled the situation. I asked them why if they knew from the beginning that these people may want this baby they didn't tell them first and then go out and find 5 other couples to interview insteading of interviewing us, then four weeks later we got the call that we are getting him, wait three more weeks to find out that they changed their mind and are letting these people keep them. They said that they agreed it wasn't handled correctly. That does no good for us now. They did say that we are on the top of the list for the next available situation and how patient and cooperative we've been throughout all this and they will work hard to find us a baby/infant. So we shall see. It's just amazing how something so exciting turned into another loss for my husband and I. Thanks for listening. My husband and I came to the conclusion that this situation was not meant to be for us and there will be another situation that will be meant.

[hkolln]

I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes DCF does not really think straight...after dealing with them since August regarding our Niece I kinda figured that out.

Now they are saying the time she has been in foster care is against us. But then they say they won't transfer a child out of state until TPR is done (which in our case isn't til May). So, they are saying any relative that has to wait for TPR to finalize won't get the child because time is against them. Makes no sense when we are required to wait for TPR. In our case it will be soon but how about the cases where it goes on for 12-18 mos? Those people definitely lose their chances!

But we get to go there to visit with our Niece (as the SW put it to start bonding-I hope that is a good thing) and meet the SW's and our attorney. Should be an interesting trip and we hope they will realize we are serious and dedicated to this.

[vesw01]

They seem to forget that we are people with feelings too. How impersonal they make such a personal situation.

[Wshoe]

I actually had the same thing happen. I was supposed to get this 2 year old boy. I was so excited. The agency told me it was a done deal, go ahead and go shopping. I did, and then because he was in a different county things got changed and they found a different family. I was so devasted, I cried and cried.

My agency called me that day and told me there was a 10 day old baby girl. the truth is she needed me and I needed her.

She is 8 months old now is is really thriving in my home. she has grown and developed nicely

sometimes things have a way of working out even when we dont think they are going to.

Keep the faith

Wendy

[mrstkg1]

That is so upsetting. They should have not even brought you into the situation until they were clear that the other family didn't want to adopt. It sounds like she is bonded to that family and having a 14-month old fd myself I understand the foster family's point of view. But it would break my heart that someone else would have heartache because the agency was not handling things right.

Hopefully, the right situation will come along for you guys very soon. Hang in there.

[Nicole Elaine]

Your situation really stinks!
But I think you're right, it just isn't the right situation for you. I hope you get a permanent placement soon!

I know you're (understandably) upset about the way they handled it. But I think that's probably a hard situation for the other foster parents and the SW as well. In the long term it probably isn't in the best idea of the child to stay with this family because of their age, but I think even if I was in my fifties and a small child was bonded to me, I might be a little selfish and want to keep him with me so his little heart didn't get broken.

(sorry, I'm a big one for putting myself in others' shoes)

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by vesw01

They seem to forget that we are people with feelings too. How impersonal they make such a personal situation.

Yes, they do. But our feelings are really not important in these situations, as much as we would like them to be. This shouldn't be about us---it should be first about what is best for kids, and second, about safeguarding parents' legal and moral rights. Our feelings are way, way, waaaay down the list, which (IMHO) is how it should be.

[Lamaena]

The practices of DCF are not always ethical, it's obviously terrible that you were placed in such a position. I hope that you get the child you've been waiting for and that this experience ends up feeling like a really distant memory.

Best of luck!

[sgtfirstwife]

As most of you remember we too had a terrible experience with DHS. I picked up a little one from the hospital. We were told it was a fast trak, mom had religuished her rights. They knew we wanted adoption and that we were waiting on our homestudy. No problem, we were perfect. Great.....for a whole week everything was great. Then the bomb dropped, because we had a pending home study and she was a fast trak baby they removed her. Two weeks later our homestudy was approved.
Why could they have not told us that from the begining. It was devastating to us and our child. We bought stuff, were so excited. Then because of a rule.....she was removed.
We were told we would not have long to wait for another placement....that was two months ago. Now we do have an approved homestudy....
My heart goes out to you. I hope you get a placement soon....