[prep3fam]

All,

I posted this on another board but would like your insights as well. My husband and I are interested in adopting a sibling set we found on the AL waiting child website. We submitted our application through DHS and we're waiting to start some foster/adoption classes, etc.

My question is this; how realistic is it to hope that we'll be able to adopt the sibling set we're interested in? I know it probably depends on the state, any many other things we aren't aware of , so it might be a difficult question to answer. Has anyone else found a child/children on the waiting child list and successfully adopted them? We're not getting a lot of info so far from DHS on how to proceed and we're eager to hear stories from folks who are in the know.

Thank you!

P.S. We have no children of our own. Not sure if that matters. Also the children we're interested in are a brother and sister, ages 13 & 10.

Nicol

[athikers]

If you are interested in a specific sibling set and are just now starting your paperwork and licensing, they may not still be "waiting" by the time you're done. That being said, they are old enough that they MAY still be waiting.

We were interested in 3 specific boys when we lived in NC, by the time we were done with the licensing process, they were already placed. They were older, and minority, with behavioral issues - so even if they meet the typical "hard to place" criteria, it doesn't make it a sure thing that they'll still be around. So... don't get your heart TOO set on these children.

[dawnmei]

There's no telling with the waiting children websites. I've been looking for almost 2 years and some of the chidlren I saw originally are still posted. Others are only profiled for a couple of days. Some states are very current in their postings, others aren't. Even if you are interested in a child, there may be 50 other families that are too. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic. I found my daughter on a state's site and more than 60 other families submitted their homestudies as well. It took more almost 6 months from when I first inquired about her to learn I was selected. I hope your process goes a little more smoothly!

[prep3fam]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I keep thinking that they'll be adopted by the time we're ready and I'm prepared for that. (I'll keep my fingers crossed in the mean time!) Thank you again for your responses.

Nicol

[aedems]

Have you received info about the sibling set? Not everything is on the posting, and these children may or may not be what you can handle. Additionally, I am sure DHS has told you that there are probably many children within their own system that might be right for you that are not posted. Many more are not posted, than are.

[Hunter's Mom]

I was the foster parent for a sibling set that is listed on the Alabama website that almost fits your ages until very recently. As a matter of fact, a friend sent me the info you posted & thought it might have been about my kids. To read the info on the website, you would think they were perfect angels. With you never having children before, I would rethink those ages.

If you want specific information about the kids that I had, I will be glad to share it. The deal is that we knew their issues & wanted to adopt them & help them through their tough teen years. The county did not want them to be adopted by us bc they knew we would advocate for the services that they needed & that the STATE would have to pay for them. (We have been in the process of another adoption for 3 years, so they know us very, very well!!!!!!!)

SOooooooo, they were moved from our home in early January after being with us for over a year. They are now in their 19th home in 5 years - we were their 17th. They have never stayed anywhere longer than a few months except with us. These particular kids made up allegations about me, my dh & my bio son. SERIOUS allegations that if we were not so established with our county, we would have lost all of our kids - we had 3 other foster children, a bio child and a child we are adopting. The reason why? No one really knows, the younger child told me it was a joke. The older child was angry bc she was grounded for flunking math - she is gifted, so she should not have been flunking math. Also, she was getting in a lot of trouble for sexual exploits. It was a real trial.


I know one other sibling set that is in that age range in Alabama & that is not really doable either. They just had a disrupted adoption recently and are still reeling from that, I am sure.


We have been foster parents for over 50 kids - those kids were the end of us fostering. As soon as the foster children we have now leave, we will be giving up. It has completely sucked the life out of me.......



Christy

[Barksum]

Not to be too big of a downer, here, but the info you read in the biographies of the kids listed on the internet do not even touch the tip of the ice berg regarding what they are really like, what their needs are, and what a family would need in order to be able to parent them.

Never, never, never fall in love with the picture of a waiting child(ren) on the internet. Don't get your heart too set on any one child or sibling group until you've been matched with them. (Sound mean and nasty, don't I? But if you invest so much emotionally into every child or sib group you inquire about you'll be setting yourself up for some serious hardships.) There are so many steps between inquiry and being matched that it is pretty emotionally stressful. Try to protect your heart for when you're going to need it. Additionally, as has been pointed out, children may be placed even before you inquire about them but their pictures are still on the web site. Dozens, sometimes many dozens, of other people may be inquiring about the same child. Don't despair, though...there are many, many, many waiting children!

When you do inquire about waiting children and the caseworkers do respond with additional information, remember that cw's who place all the blame on foster parents or adoptive parents for multiple moves or problems in the placement are not telling you the truth. (Yes, shockingly, caseworkers do sometimes lie.)

Read up on attachment in traumatized children. Try googling 'reactive attachmen disorder'. Also do some research on drug and alcohol effects on children. Check into neglect as well. These are the three 'biggies' that most children in foster care contend with, usually in conjunction with other issues such as PTSD, ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities, developmental delays, etc. You might also check out Welcome to ChildTrauma Academy ::::::::::: This web site discusses what grief looks like in children and how this can affect their behaviors.

[prep3fam]

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your responses, they have been incredibly helpful.

If anyone has any knowledge of the foster to adopt system in AL I would really like to speak with you. Not necesarily about these kids but about the process in general.

Nicol

[prep3fam]

Hunter's Mom - I sent you a private message. Hope that is okay. Thank you.

[frida_94601]

Hello and good morning
I also inquired abour a child out of state, even though I do not have an adoption homestudy. I am so glad that I read this thread today, like many I assume I fell in love with this little girl that I really dont know much about. I have decided to be patient and wait on my state (CA) to approve my adoption homestudy. I am also part of a support group in my state, they where actually very encouraging to keep working with in CA. I am licensed to foster/ there was a mistake some where along the line, no adoption homestudy yet. Will see, it has been shy of 1 month and 1 week since I was officially licensed. I will keep everyone posted with my progress