[LucyLou17]

I have a 10 month old FD who has been with us for less than 2 weeks. She wakes up several times a night and has a hard time going back to sleep. She constantly looks around to make sure I am still there. If I try to leave, she cries. She will cry for a long time if I do not pick her up or rub her back. This could go on for a long time. Also she does not like to sleep in a crib. She wants to lie on our chest or in the bed. I was pretty strict with my child about sleeping in his crib and he has great sleep habits. Knowing that she has been through a lot how/when do I address her sleep habits? I'm exhausted.

[straightblues]

Sorry, those days are so hard. Be consistent and things will improve.

It is against foster care rules to have a child in your bed. Don't do it.

[Bailey071097]

Leave her room entirely and let her cry! She will figure it out within a couple of days and be sleeping through the night!

[athikers]

I did not let my little man cry in his bed, because I don't know what was or was not done to him at night. Was he just left in wet/soiled diapers, was he not fed, was he put in his crib for hours on end during the day? I don't know! So, I cuddled with him until he fell asleep both at nap time AND at night until just over a week ago... nearly four months.

He started sleeping through the night about a month into his placement... as soon as he was comfortable and felt safe.

[joskids]

I think that we, as parents, do our children a great disservice if we don't teach them to calm themselves at night. Yes, I know that you're concerned for your foster child as to his grief and loss and what me may have experienced prior to being with you. That being said, I still think he needs to learn to calm himself at night. And the way I did that with a foster child that came to us at 14 mos. of age with much the same behavior, was to check on him, in HIS room, let him know I was there, and walk away. He screamed for a few nights and kept the rest of us anxious and sleepy but after just about a week, he learned that we were still there, but that he had to calm himself and go back to sleep. When he transitioned to his adoptive home, it was much easier for them in that he slept well. Thank goodness!

Josie

[skylark_25]

There is a great book written by a pediatrician called, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It will address all the sleep issues your family could ever have. The first day that I followed the plan, my 4 month old fs slept through the night for the first time, and has ever since then. Hope this helps.

Becca

[hkolln]

It is better for the child to learn to fall asleep on thier own with as little help as possible from you. That way she will be able to adjust later on. I don't think I would do a drastic change by making her cry herself to sleep at this stage but I wouldn't be getting up immediately everytime she cries. She may fall back asleep without you having to go get her. You can also just rub her back and let her fall back asleep. Another thing I found with our daughter when she was a baby was we would rock her just until she was almost asleep and then lay her down in her crib to fall asleep totally. Another thing we used was a Disney Lullaby tape. It would calm her and she loved it. Also, a warm bath before bed and a quiet, more darker atmosphere to relax her.

If you sooth them to sleep or rock them totally to sleep they may learn to rely on that in the future. Try the book mentioned too. I heard it is a good book. Maybe the library has it and you can check it out.

[athikers]

I was a NICU baby... never wanted to be cuddled or bothered when I went to sleep. My brother was rocked to sleep until he was almost 4. Today, I'm the one with problems falling asleep and staying asleep. My brother sleeps within about a minute of getting in bed. So... I just don't know. I completely see the side of "let them cry themselves to sleep" and with my 'own' kids that is what would have happened, but I just couldn't do it with little D, as nighttime was a very difficult time for him when he first came to us. As I said, a week ago he started to go to bed on his own. He shares a room and he is in a regular bed, which he can certainly get out of on his own... so he doesn't always lay there and fall asleep right away, but he does go to sleep on his own fairly easily and without fuss. So, I don't regret rocking him or cuddling him for the first few months he was here with us. I think you need to do what feels right to you and what you think is best for your particular child.

[tvs4]

There is another good book called the "no cry sleep solution". It has some good ideas - but there will be no overnight miracle cure. All things take time. I., personally, can't just let a baby "Cry it out" alone but I also know you can't just pick them up and cuddle them back to sleep.

When my daughter was about that age, She was used to falling asleep while nursing and would cry if we put her in her crib to sleep. What we did was for the first week or so I would sit in her room on a chair right next to her crib, I'd put my hand in the crib slats and let her hold my hand. The room was dark but had a night light and I looked straight ahead, never talked to her and never made eye contact. IF she stood up I would gently lay her back down, without taking and let her hold my hand. After about a week, I stopped letting her hold my hand. I just sat in a chair close to the crib, never talked, never looked at her and if she stood up I would gently lay her down. Slowly over about another week, I moved the chair further and futher from her crib. I can't remember how long it took exactly but I do remember that in a few weeks I could put her in her crib and she would fall asleep. Boy, did I get sick of looking at the WALL in the dark! but it did work for my daughter.

For our FS who was 19 months old he had a different problem, he would go to sleep but he couldn't stay asleep and woke up every 2-3 hours SCREAMING! He was also a little older and if we tried the hold a hand technique he would just play. What we did for him was have my husband (he responded way better to my husband with this) go into his room. Lay him down, and say very gently, "we love you it is time to go to sleep" then calmly leave the room. set a timer for 2 min (seems like forever when you are waiting) and go back in and repeat laying him down and saying "we love you it is time to sleep". My poor husband did this until he would finally fall asleep. For about 5 nights my husband had to repeat this routine every time our FS woke up crying which was several times a night - but after about a week he began to sleep through the night by himself.

Good luck!

[kxl164]

With our younger foster child, we would hold and rock him to sleep or when he woke up for the first 2 weeks. Then we started weaning him off of that, little by little. We would rock him and then put him in his crib while he was sleepy and then rub his back until he went to sleep. Then we would just lay him down and rub his back until he was asleep. Then we would rub his back until he was almost asleep. And kept moving away until he didn't need it anymore.

We always do the same bedtime ritual though, clean teeth, cuddle, sing a song, then bed.

We still do the bedtime ritual, but now we don't need to do the patting or rocking because he is secure enough to sleep on his own.

With our older foster child, we did the same thing he just didn't need it as long. He would wake up later and scream, at those times we would go in and rub his back and hum our goodnight song.

With waking up in the middle of the night. We DO NOT turn any lights on, keeping things dark reminds the child that it is sleeptime and doesn't jar them awake as much.

We also keep the same routines, we consistently do the same thing each time.

Now sometimes all I have to do is open the door and say "It is ok" and hum for a few seconds before the child will settle down. Other times we can hear our foster children humming to themselves to get themselves back to sleep. Our birth children hum themselves back to sleep too, they also had a few sleep issues after the foster children first came because their sense of security and sameness was rattled.

Just find a routine and slowly wean him off of the rocking, he needs security and you all need sleep, but with increased securtiy will come increased sleep.... keep that in mind, although I know it is very hard!!

Good Luck!