[lillamb]

What do you do when you are working full time and your child(ren) get sick?

I just got two little ones about a month ago and I work full time. In the month that I've had them, I've had to miss about 10 days of work between them getting sick or having to go to appointments.

I'm already at my wits end and DHS is of NO HELP!!!!!

Am I in over my head? Do I back out now? I don't have family/friends as support for this because they all work full time as well. What do I do???!!!

[Boulderbabe]

I am so with you on this one. I just missed ten consecutive days of work---first my little one was sick, and then he gave it to me!

I have a babysitter that I can use for a few hours at a time, so I can slope off to work for a while. But it's not a very good situation. I'm looking at signing up for a mother's helper situation as emergency back up.

[Howdy]

Check with your Human Resources people maybe you can borrow ahead on your sick leave, and maybe you can use Family and Medical Leave (unpaid time off that big companies provide for family illnesses and that includes foster care I think).

I saved up vacation and sick leave before I got a placement and then burned up almost all my time off in the first month or so, because the child had two incidents of tooth abcesses, and had lots of therapy and visits, and I was too worn out to try to make up the time.

It is really rough in the beginning. I'm single and work full-time and I think I eventually told my licensing worker that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep the kid because I was using up all my leave from work. Then they found aides to help with transporting to visits even though it was a 50 mile round trip for them.

[tinatyme]

It is difficult. You should be able to use FMLA. Also try to find a pediatrician with evening and weekend sick hours. Your department can also transport to the doctor and for other routine appointments. They won't want to because it is extra work for them but they can and should. Also try to see if there are any SAHM in the area that would be willing to watch your children in emergencies when you absolutely have to be at work for a meeting or something essential. I have a team of sitters and family members that can back me up in a pinch.

You do have to sit down now and decide if this is what you want. It is a lot of work and very stressful. When I got my first placement (who I adopted this September), she was 40 days old and I had to take a lot of time off. Fortunately my job was flexible and I had saved up a lot of sick time. I am now in a different position where that is not possible and I have to make choices everyday and try to think outside the box in terms of ways to achieve my work goals and adjust to all the illnesses. There are people that will provide assistance or you will have to force them to (as in the case of reluctant social workers).

Good luck!

[lillamb]

I have been asking my worker for transportation assistance since the very beginning. They tell me that they have volunteers, but they may not be available. I told them that I would not be able to keep the children if I didn't get some kind of transportation and/or respite assistance. They always give me the line "it's your job as a foster parent to...." and that just makes me angry.

I did not get into foster care whole heartedly. It came at me from nowhere because I'm fostering my niece and her half sister.

[HappyTwinsMom]

My HR department told me foster care qualified under FMLA. The only drawback, of course, is it's without pay. We haven't been licensed yet, so it hasn't been an issue.

[LeighM]

I think one thing that would really help you is to get to know other foster parents in your area. If there is an association join it go to the meetings. Why - because you will learn what resources are available and what your cw should be doing to help you.

As a kinship placement I think sometimes the workers take advantage of you being family. The idea of taking the children away and putting them with non-family.

I work full time and have three children - I usually only add one foster child at a time due to all the appointments. I am lucky I can work from home somedays so that helps.

I am sorry for the frustration.

[vesw01]

We have the same issue, luckily I have a boss who is very flexible, but I don't want to push it too much. I make the CW transport to all scheduled appts and I do my best with urgent care etc.. So far my one FD has been hospitalized twice, so that hasn't bee too easy. I take one day at a time.

Make the CW transport for appts and visits - it is their JOB, not yours!! I don't transport to counseling, to visits or anything else routine - keeps me sane and keeps me from getting in the middle.

[vernellinnj]

I am a single FM and I want to echo some things that have been said so you know what you're entitled to...

I do not take my FC to ANY routine bio visits, therapy (happens at daycare), etc. It is the SWs job to make this happen - I have never done this for any of my FC.
I, too, have a doctor with late/weekend hours so that takes care of routine doctor visits. Emergencies are handled on a case by case basis but I have a registered in-home childcare provider that I can call to take my FC at any time. It is hard but you can do it!!

With my first, I took off work for 4 weeks (because I wanted time to adjust to being a mom). With the next 2 - I took off one day when I accepted the placements. I am also lucky to have much flexibility at work.

Good luck - stand up for yourself...

[~*Max*~]

I am a single foster mom of two, and frankly, it's a b*** sometimes. I miss so much work. My little one is sick most of the time and needs her adenoids removed. My older one is often sick too. Both need hernia surgeries. They both needed local screenings and evaluations that I really needed to be at. My little one had to see several doctors about suspected hearing loss in her right ear. My older one needs therapy, but someone from the county HAS to provide transportation or it isn't happening. I am out for something child-related at least once a week. It's hard. I will do this again, but for one child only.

[jodybird511]

Ahhh....I feel for you. I remember once being told, when I called into work with a sick kiddo, "Well, this doesn't look good for you." "Bite me" was the response I wanted to give. I was so frustrated by how little parenting was valued by the company that I quit. It was for this and related reasons that I ended up going into business for myself. At least I know my boss is flexible now!

[joskids]

Does your agency have a list of "respite" providers? I know that many won't want to take sick children but you may be able to ask your worker if she could recommend someone that would. Yours is the reason I quit work when I took on foster children. No, we don't get wonderful vacations or drive great vehicles, but now I'm able to stay home with our adopted children. In your case, being that you didn't "plan" to foster, I realize it may be entirely different. Best wishes. Hope you can work something out as missing work is so stressful.

Josie

[TeriS]

Luckily, my husband works third shift and I have a very flexible boss. So far if one of them has been sick, my husband will stay up when he gets home in the morning instead of going to sleep. I go into work when he gets home and then take a few hours off early so that my husband can get some sleep.

Teri