[msheartofgold]

Sorry if this doesn't come across clearly but I need the question answered very fast I am a foster parent have bee for the last 4 yrs well my fiancé and I are have fostered our daughter for almost 3 years I was told that we had to sign a guardianship paper stating that if something was to happen to me he would take full responsibility of her but he would not appear on her birth cert. unless we are married. Now question is how is it the families for alternative background able to do so help I don't know how I could break this news to him.

[neema.arezo]

Sorry, I'm a little confused. It sounds like you started fostering and then became engaged??? If you are still fostering I don't think either of your names would appear on the birth cert. If TPR occurs after you are married and you adopt, both of your names would appear on the birth cert.

[straightblues]

It sounds like they aren't going to TPR and adopt, they are just going for guardianship. That is an interesting legal question. I know unmarried homosexual couples are allow to adopt, I wonder how they do it since there is nothing legally binding between the couple? My pure guess it that they have a similar agreement like the one you are being asked to sign. I hope somebody knows.

[stevenstwin]

When you go for guardianship, DOES the birth certificate change? Here it doesn't - adopt, we get a new birth cert., Private guardianship, we do not. As for the case of same-sex couples - now that we've legalized gay marriages where I live, their situation would be identical to other married couples, so I AM curious how they are handling that in the States. AWFUL case here a few years ago where a same-sex couple adopted privately at birth, and when the child was 11 one of the mom's died - SHE was the one who had legally adopted , so they gave no standing at all to the remaining mom and took the little girl and put her in foster care! The mom DID get her back, but had to do a homestudy, take foster care training, etc and then re-adopt her.

[jodybird511]

I'm a lesbian and when we went through foster licensing and, ultimately, the adoption of our daughter, I was the only "legal" foster parent and adoptive parent. For unmarried couples, you have to do a "second parent adoption" if you want both persons to be "legal" guardians.

[jolean12]

I am also gay. My partner and I are both the children's fp's but when we adopted our children only one of us was put on their birth certificate and now we are going to put in for a 2nd parent adoption. I would certainly check in your state to see what the rules are.

[ca-bigsister]

In CA, I am a legal guardian. I have the right to make all decisions for my FD. I am still her foster parent, and our case is closed with the Children's Court. However, we are still open with DCFS, and we see the SW every 6 months. I receive the monthly foster subsidy.

I am not a legal parent. She did not get a new birth certificate. There is some permanance for my FD, but she did not want to be adopted because both bios are still around (one on drugs, one in prison) and she still sees biofamilies. I would have been happy to adopt her if she wanted, but she's 15 and didn't want to. Also, she will inherit some money from bio-great-granndparents later in life, and this money would not be given to her if she were adopted.

I make all legal decisions, get the tax write-off, etc. However, she still could be taken away from me if DCFS so decided. (They won't but they could). This is the main difference between adopt and guardianship.

[msheartofgold]

Hey guys thanks for the answers i'm sorry if i did not come across clear it's like this since we are not married yet my name would be the only one on the Birth Cert. My FI has to sign guardianship papers that pretty much states if something happens to me he takes full resp. for her. Now the we ar coming to a close we have a choice to go have a quick wedd. or get married after and he would only be able to adopt. as a step parent. I have not by no means told him this because i know this would break his heat and he is going to hit the roof. By any chance is their any way around this we live in Phila. Pa. Thanks for all the help guys.

[vesw01]

When were you planning on getting married? I am not sure what the legalities are, but there is always a way. What if you two just got married at the court house to settle this issue and then had your big wedding when you see fit? No one even have to know you are married and you could celebrate any day that worked best for you.... just a thought.

I think it is really sad that two people who are together and commited to raise a child can't both be parents if they aren't married. I don't know how you would ever choose one parent over the other one to be the legal one...

[AmahMama]

In FL you HAVE to be married to your partner before you can even foster. My DH and I pushed our marriage up a few months just to get licensed. We didn't have to be licensed in CA. But when we moved . . . . the qualifications are soooo different for each state!!