[merrymissy]

Hi there, long time since last posting because things were pretty standard for a while...And now I will attempt to make a long story short. Our 14 YO foster son that we have had for 3 months is in need of some answers for his future. Bmom took up drugs a few years ago, and for about a year our fson and his sister lived with their aunt. They were placed back with the bmom for a short stint after her first round of rehab, etc. only to be taken back into care shortly thereafter. Up until the last few weeks no one could find bmom, then she went into rehab and finished out her time there. She quickly went missing after the month in-patient, and has turned up again. In the mean time both our fson and his sister (who still lives with the aunt) have expressed that they are not interested in ever going back to live with bmom. So how long do you think they will give bmom to get it together, and what happens when these older children don't want to go back? We have court later this week to discuss the matter with the judge. How much do I say on behalf of our fson? Thanks! By the way we are interested in providing permancy for him and his sister if that is what they need (and want)through adoption or whatever.

[Chancey]

I would advise to be cautious about what you say to the judge in regards to what the children "want". Many children will say what they think their parent (which at this point includes you) wants to hear; and the judges know this. It does not especially look good if a foster parent comes into the court and says the kids don't want to go back. Questions arise in many minds about manipulation and inherent (vested) interest in the outcome of the case. You have a vested interest in the case because you want to keep the kids.

I believe the best bet is to get the children with a therapist and have the therapist make their independent report to the court. This report will be one of the best pieces of evidence for the judge to make a decision on - if Mom does not get it together.