[kikibrando]

Today, we placed a call to Jaya's sibling, J, in another state. We wanted the girls' to have a special moment for Christmas after so many weeks of no communication.
The conversation between the girls went well, with sibling J commenting on how much she received and how much it costs in comparison to Jaya's Christmas. (This is nothing new, as this was an issue between the girls here, too).

J's foster mother then took the phone and told Jaya, "why did you want to stay with that family?" She told my daughter she would have taken both girls and kept them together. She then proceeded to ask very personal questions about why the siblings were separated. Jaya refused to answer, other than stating facts. Then the foster mother told my daughter, "Well, if you weren't adopted by them, I would have adopted you!" She then told Jaya, "If you ever want to leave there, just call me and I'll take you." She told Jaya she's "looking forward to meeting her," at their upcoming visit this week. She aslo offered Jaya phone numbers for biological family members that are not in her best interest to contact. To her credit, she looked at me and asked if it was okay! She's a smart cookie!

Jaya's adoption was just finalized. I am so mad right now I could spit. Part of me wants to call this woman and chew her out for overstepping her bounds with my daughter. But, I know her family is there and it's Christmas. I have already fired an e-mail to the social worker and will call the supervisor of the DFS and get the name of every person in the chain of command of that department. I am planning on writing a letter to the very head of the division, too.

How dare this woman try to undermine my child's placement here!!! Who does she think she is?

I'm looking forward to meeting this foster parent, too. I'm going to show up with a tape recorder and hold it out when she tries to talk to my daughter. When she asks why, I'm going to tell her I want to make sure I have a record of her telling my child to disrupt an adoptive placement to come to her home.

I'm also going to make sure she's going to understand that any phone calls to her home will be on speaker phone from now on.

[ca-bigsister]

I would definitely speak to this woman without children around, because that's not fair to your daughter to be pulled around.

After that, I'd speaker phone. Why does the foster parent need to talk to your daughter, any way? Why can't the siblings just talk?

[JewelMarie]

Speaker phone is a great thing to use. My daughter uses the speaker phone when she speaks with anyone, especially her maternal grandparents or brother. This keeps me aware of the conversation and I am able to interrupt it anytime.

Jewel

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by kikibrando

I have already fired an e-mail to the social worker and will call the supervisor of the DFS and get the name of every person in the chain of command of that department. I am planning on writing a letter to the very head of the division, too.

You have every right to be upset over this woman's behavior - she was completely out of line.

However, before you start jumping over people's heads to their supervisors, I'd wait to see if you get a decent response from the social worker. Most people I know really chafe when someone escalates problems to their managers without giving them a reasonable chance to correct it themselves. You want the social worker on your side, not irritated and looking for a reason to defend the foster mom's actions.

[kikibrando]

Originally Posted by JGarrick

However, before you start jumping over people's heads to their supervisors, I'd wait to see if you get a decent response from the social worker. Most people I know really chafe when someone escalates problems to their managers without giving them a reasonable chance to correct it themselves. You want the social worker on your side, not irritated and looking for a reason to defend the foster mom's actions.

Already did that.. got the name of the department supervisors this morning. Have the social worker's support on the matter also.

Thanks for your input.

[athikers]

I would expect that (on some level) from a birth parent, but from another foster parent?!?!?!?! Wow!

[Kate1129]

I don't need to ask why the foster parent needed to talk to your daughter, it was to push her adgenda onto your daughter.

You've done good! Get SW's involved and speakerphone is great!!!

[hotspice58]

Speakerphones sound good. I'm going to get that so when my boys talk to **, I can listen.