[sgtfirstwife]

We have had our darling baby since she was four days old. They told us from the begining that she could go to family, but not to mom, since she is still on the drugs. Also mom has had four other children who were sent to live with the grandparent. The social worker for the county and our baby's atty. say that the grandparents have issues ( not sure what) but they don't seem likely to go to them. Birth mom wants the baby to go to family. So far an aunt and a friend of the family have been notified, but they have not arranged daycare. One has two jobs the other is a student. The county social worker says he is having a hard time getting hold of them to find out if they are making progress
The baby has another hearing ( his second) next week. I am not sure what for. Last court hearing got continued, to find out more information on the dad, but he is MIA.
My agency seems to think the baby will be here through Christmas. I am not really sure what to think.
The baby has only had one visit with relatives. They came late and left early. Last week they did not show at all. Week before they never returned phone calls for visits.
I am trying to get a read on all this, but can't. This is our first adopt placement. We knew from the get go that there was a chance she would leave, but now that it has be nearly three months we are going to be heart broken if she leaves. Anyone have advice or opinions? I am going crazy waiting for the court date. I do know that here in LA county they pick family first if the can.
I know I am rambling, but I would appreciate advice. I am so scared we are going to have to let her go.

[pg13209]

I am coming from a different perspective here so please bear that in mind. I am a adoptee who was in foster care for the first three and a half months. I was adopted not by my foster parents but by another couple. My foster mother wrote a very detailed heart wrenching letter to my parents about what I liked and did not like and about my schedule and stuff. You see they thought that they were going to get to keep me. So when the time came and I was placed with someone else it was heart breaking ot them, however there is a good point to all of this. Three months later a young teenager had a set of twins that she could not keep. This couple was able to adopt the twins. So the point being that is you have to place your precious daughter with another couple please do not give up hope for God has a plan for everyone.

[sgtfirstwife]

We have put our faith with God and know what will be, will be. I just wanted to see if from someones elses experience what they think may happen. Maybe I am grasping for hope, but it is all I have right now.

[WhoKnew]

We were told that bio relatives had to meet the same standards that any other prospective family has to meet. I would say the family members are not appearing very eager to have this child place with them, from what you say, so I don't think it would be automatic that she will go to one of them because they are family. Best of luck!

[athikers]

We're in a similar situation with our two... they've been with us for not quite TWO months. Bioparents do show up for visits consistently, but are having great difficulty in the visits and comply with nothing else in their plan. We hope and pray for the best outcome for our little ones. We know this is not always the case, but we can hope that if they do ru then it means their parents (who do love them dearly, but are just not very competent) are better equipped and will parent better when our little ones go "home." But, it is heartwrenching to imagine for our little man as we are his mom and dad in his mind and ours and he will NOT understand whats happening if he leaves us. We get some peace of mind knowing that every worker involved thinks there is NO WAY they will reunify, even though that is the stated goal at this time. Like you, we know God called us to be parents and if that means just foster parents for these two, we might not understand it, but He does.

[AmahMama]

The "stated goals" change with the stroke of a judges pen. The goal is always ru or placement with a bio family member if there is one that is appropriate AND interested. The fk's that I've had that went to adoption have not gone to family but to licensed fp's that decided to adopt. The bio family (in some states) have to come to the same standards as a foster family. In others the standards are quite a bit more lenient - but they still have to show ability and interest in the child. The judicial reviews can be set as close as a few weeks but not more than 6 months apart. This quickly it may just be the adjudication hearing that was continued and is now being done.

Remember most children begin with ru as the goal and that really doesn't mean much. God will decide where this child needs to be - if not with you - there may be another child He feel will need you more.