[Mishagreen]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anyone can supply some links regarding sibling bonds versus parental bonds. We've had our FD for over a year now(since she was 3 weeks old), and her ad litem is trying to have her moved with a family she has no relationship with because they adopted her half sibling 3 years ago. He is personal friends with that family, though he denies it, and is doing everything in his power to bar us from adopting her. Parental rights were terminated early October. We were supposed to go in to adopt her today, but he barred the preceedings and is asking for 45 days to research how siblings do better together, when he's really buying his friends time to contest the adoption. Of course he asked for a different judge to hear it, since the associate who has heard the case for the past year would automatically deny it. He's also stated that we are a suitable placement, and the department is for us. Everyone knows we're willing to establish contact with the half sibling, but this other family just wants her, even if it means breaking a secure bond with the only parents she's ever known. It's ridiculous and extremely frustrating. I remember some links about how harmful this can be for a child before, so I'm hoping someone will post them.
Thanks,
Michelle

[stevenstwin]

I don't know of any articles, but I hope you find some! Although I think that a connection to siblings (and really only if they are KNOWN to the child and already important!) is a valuable thing to keep, it just is NOT the same thing as parent/child attachment. THAT is the primary bond and the most important to keep! If these people are so anxious to take her, where were they a year ago? I'd like to think they don't have much of a case, but you never know. With what you've said about the entanglements with this GAL, though, it's clear to me he has an agenda. Can you afford to hire a lawyer to protect your own interests?

[Mishagreen]

I did find the article called Wombmates, When sibling rights and child-parent attachments clash, but I remember seeing another article some time back, and for the life of me can't find it.
Yes, we've retained an attorney. We retained her at the 6 month mark. It's been a long, drawn out nightmare, and we're ready for it to end. The other family has lied, been through several different attorneys, contacted the state's capitol, brought a politician to court with them, etc. etc...
They found out about her 3 months after she came into care. The half sibling's adoptive mom used to be a CPS worker. I asked her how she found out about the baby and she stated "a friend a friend" told her. Complete breach of confidentiality. After a child is adopted out of the system, unless the family is still in active foster/adopt status, it is not the department's policy to look them up if a half sibling is born and comes into care several years later. Legally, there is no relation, so I seriously have my doubts that even still being an active foster/adopt family would fall under any sibling policies the department may have. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for them getting to know each other even if they aren't legally related. The attitude that "she's young and will get over it" just doesn't fly with me. She shouldn't have to "get over" anything. I don't want my baby to suffer unnecessarily. The woman told me that all she wants is for the girls to know each other, when really all she wants is to win....at any cost. Anyway...I'll get off my soapbox now.

[foster_bub]

I would also petition the court to have a new GAL assigned to the case, even if it's this late in the game. There's an obvious conflict of interest, I'd even call the GAL office and ask to speak to someone in charge. I see nothing positive happening when you place a child in a home after so much time and bonds have been made, siblings or no siblings.

We have a foster son who will be going through something similar in January. He's one of 7 siblings that are all in care. 5 are 1/2 siblings, all at least 3 years older than he, and resent the fact it was his father that abused them.

When TPR happens in 2 months, they'll parade them all around as one big family, then if no one is willing to adopt all 7 they plan on splitting them up into a few groups.

Oh he's 2 yrs old and we're his 25th (could be more) foster home in 11 mos. Talk about attachment issues.. UGGGGGH