[homersmom]

Our 11 year old moved in officially 10/4 and she started school the following week. Having been in foster care for 7 years we want to do everything we can to help her. She has the physical characteristic of dark body hair. Her skin is light, but she has brown eyes and almost black hair on her arms and legs, she does have a light shadow above her lip that I had never noticed until yesterday. Apparently these 2 classmates were teasing her and call her mustache man, telling her to get a razor. This has been going on a couple of days now-she is so upset, they made her start crying yesterday as she was getting on the bus to come home. I called the school and the teacher was very sympathetic and is going to talk to the boys (again). I had never noticed any hair on her face except eyebrows which I think are very cute-a little fluffy. What can I do for her? I am going to start helping her shave her legs next summer. I have shaved her armpits for her if she was wearing a certain type of shirt. I know that at 11, I probably shouldnt address the facial hair but when would be the right time and how would you do it. Gosh, this was so hurtful to her-I had to go in my room and cry for a minute because I wished I could protect her from this sort of thing. thank you for listening.

[echobunny89]

Kids can be really cruel at that age. I think if it was my daughter I would do whatever I could to help, because lets face it you can get the school involved all you want but it won't stop the teasing. Foster children have enough to deal with without being made the brunt of everyone's jokes.

Have you considered bleaching the hair or using a facial wax to remove it? My mother will grow a mustache too if she doesn't keep up on it, some women are just that way. She waxes and tweezes to keep it under control.

[Batty1]

I would help her wax or pluck (if she wants too). Even though these things should not matter, the truth is that it is just going to make things worse for a girl who has already been through so much. And telling her to ignore it won't help. Even being teased one time can have a lasting effect. I have been self-conscious ever since a boy teased me about the hair on my arms. I would explain to her that a lot of women/girls remove hair above their lip, just like they paint their nails, curl their hair, etc., because it makes them feel better.

[marigold]

Oh how I know what your foster daughter feels. I too was a hairy young girl. I had one eyebrow a faint mustache and lots of thick hair on my arms. THis was not to long after the movie Harry and the Hendersons (about a big foot) So my name became Harry also. It was rough for a while but my mom decided to let me shave my legs and my arm pits and when I was twelve I started having my eyebrows and lip waxed. I would just talk to her if it isn't a problem for her than let it go for a while, if she notices the hair then it bothers her. It makes you stand out and that is never fun at that age! It isn't expensive to by a home waxing kit and I don't think she is too young if it is her decision. (Just tell her it gets better once the hormones even out!!)

[Vogi2002]

I would also, talk to her about it and make sure she knows how beautiful she is but how mean can kids be. At the same time, I was about 12 or 13 when I started waxing my lip...i have to pluck every day to keep up on it also (so embarrassing and I still get embarrassed about it)

My legs were horrible too...I have to shave everyday. Luckily my arms aren't too bad but MAN can kids be mean....

Natalie

[Boulderbabe]

I feel so bad for your foster daughter! Is there any chance you can get electrolysis or something permanent to help her with this? The last thing she needs is more stigma...

[homersmom]

Wow! Thank you all so much for replying. The worst part about it is that it is barely noticible. I know that once we start any process on facial hair it will need to continue forever, but I also don't want her to experience any more teasing. Has anyone done anything about arm hair, I have the feeling that one is coming too.

[AmahMama]

I don't mean to be a spoil sport - but before waxing or electrolisys - you need to get permission. Anything that could potentially damage (hot wax etc) needs to be approved as long as she is a fc.

I totally feel for her. I'm as pale as you get but have dark hair all over. Legs, arms, toes, unibrow, sideburns- I've got it all - so I hope permissions come for whatever you decide - just CYA and get permission - in writing!!

[LibbyHawkins]

well, who really wants to talk about facial hair?

I had the same problems all my life. Finally at the age of 30(something) when laser treatments became more affordable and it was known that the effect would be lasting. . .I did it!

WOW, what a life changing move. I cannot begin to tell you how much this has changed my life.

My treatments were done by a dermatologist for about $200 each. I had 6, she said my hormones were stubborn. This is a lot of money for foster parents. It is less depending on the area(s) that need treatment.

I wonder if you talked to a sympathetic Dematologists if they would give a MAJOR price break, you just never know. Permission may be hard to obtain also, but let me tell you how much I wished I hadn't had to live 17 yrs with this problem.

For the rest of you who posted similar stories, don't wait, it works!!!!

[DianeS]

Originally Posted by homersmom

... I know that once we start any process on facial hair it will need to continue forever...

Actually, that's just for shaving. If she waxes, or uses a Nair-type product, or bleaches it, then it can be a one-time deal if she wants it to be. The hair grows in exactly the way it was to begin with - no stubble, not any thicker or rougher. Some things like waxing don't need to be done every day, either - adults do it about once a month or six weeks, kids her age may only need to do it once every 8 to 12 weeks because the hair often grows slower.

...it will need to continue forever, but I also don't want her to experience any more teasing.

And even if she does choose a method of removing the facial hair that she must continue on a regular basis, I think of this as a choice between TWO things that have a chance of continuing forever - either the shaving or the teasing. Once a day shaving (or once every 4-12 week bleaching or waxing) vs multiple times a day of being teased... I know which one I would pick.

Has anyone done anything about arm hair, I have the feeling that one is coming too.

I use bleach on the hair on my arms before formal or important events. Works really well, and I don't bother for everyday. The sun keeps it pretty bleached in the summer, but the winter make the hair pretty obvious any time I need to wear short sleeves or sleeveless.

Since she's being bothered because of the facial hair right now, I see no problem in addressing it now. Let her know there are things that can be done to remove the hair or make it harder to see - but warn her those boys are going to find something else to tease her about if they can't tease about the facial hair. When offered a choice between being teased about one thing vs being teased about something new the boys will find later, different children make different choices.

[shy_bear]

I second the bleaching of the upper lip. I have done it for YEARS!!! I only do it about once a month. Takes 8 minutes and you are done. Kids can be so cruel!!! I would discuss with her that inner beauty is what truely makes a person and even though these boys are saying very hurtful things she is the better person by not going to their level.

[momof6plus]

I would help her use the bleach kits or a nair type hair remover for facial hair. Don't forget that these may make skin reddish or irritated so do it on a weekend so that she doesn't go to school with a red lip, that would be just as bad. And test in an area like the crease of her elbow to see if she is allergic before applying to face.

When I was 11 years old, one of my classmates was teased like that and it made me look at myself. Even though nobody teased "me" I snuck one of mom's razors and dry shaved my legs and my ARMS! Ouch. nobody had noticed that I had hair on my arms but people did notice that I had stubbly hair on my arms when it came back! Duh.

[TexasJingles]

Since she's "possibly" a little young, what about seeing a doctor about it? Perhaps her hormones, or something are out of wack? Not the puberty ones, other ones, or maybe both????

Not saying everyone's is, or are, or did, or whatever!!! Just wondering "if" there could be another factor. There's been so much going on in my extended family lately (cancer, diabeties, broken leg in a 68 yr aunt and more) and you'd be surprised at what they were told by the doctors as to the why it might have happened.

Could it hurt to see a doctor?

[homersmom]

Thank you again for all of the wonderful advice. I have talked to the caseworker about it and she told me to do whatever I felt was best. I am going to talk to my daughters therapist today. We are scheduling a checkup appt for after next week. As far as any underlying factors for the hair, there has never been any suspicion that it could be anything other than a characteristic of birthfather. She is so beautiful to me and it breaks my heart that anyone would hurt her. After being in foster care for 7 years, she is diagnosed with adjustment disorder. She sees 2 therapists a week and despite everything we know we cannot protect her every minute of the day. She would do anything for anyone, even these children picking on her. If they wanted to borrow a pencil she would give it to them without hesitation despite the fact that they tease her so badly. I am going to get a temporary solution bleach or depillatory and then see what the doctor says would be the best route.