[lovingnewbie]

Hi, I am a new foster parent , I have a 12 week old baby that has been here 5 weeks already. Bio Mom is a drug addict, after I got the baby she was told to go to rehab, get an apartment set up, get a job and be in court later this month. Well she is in rehab, living in a hotel, no place for the kids, and quit her job after 3 days.WHAT IS SHE THINKING? Is this normal that they do not do what the state has asked of them!? I am in shock. I really thought the trauma of having your kids in foster care for already 5 weeks would make her get with it. What happens to the parents and children in a case like this??? I know every situation is different, but Im a newbie and any info is appreciated,thanks

[foster_bub]

Welcome to the world of foster care!

Keep in mind that the parents have a year to get their act together. If they have done ANYTHING it will be considered partial compliance which the court finds favorable. Including HAD a job, HAD an apartment etc etc.

Then at the last minute they'll start complying with what the court ordered and get an extension to complete their case plan. Then the cycle repeats itself.

The kids will remain in care for an extended period of time.

We have a FS who's 2, he's one of 7 siblings, all of which are in care. The mother has had EVERYTHING handed to her on a silver platter.. she's completed NOTHING in her case plan.. attended parenting classes, then quit. Did a psych eval but didn't follow the Drs orders... the court said she was partially complient, so they gave her an extension. It's been 19 mos that this 2 yr old has been in care.. More than 1/2 his life.. it's pathetic and unfair to these kids.

[kennasmom]

It also depends on prior cases - if Bmom failed at reunification services for other children, the court will terminate reunification efforts more quickly. In our case, Bmom failed at RU efforts twice before so the court didn't offer her any - she was TPR'ed in 8 months.

If she complies even partially, the courts do tend to bend over backwards to push them along. Does the baby have visits with bmom? That will be a big indicator of how the court is progressing with your case - unsupervised visits = RU.

It's a bumpy ride with lots of ups and downs. This board is great because there is someone whos's been through everything!

Good luck, T

[lovingnewbie]

Yes she has visits every week, father( they are not married) has missed 2 of 4. She has an older child she gave up on her own already. Does that count against her?

[kennasmom]

This is a pathetic tragedy for the kids but it only counts against the bp's if the courts were involved in the previous case. If they terminated jurisdiction (different than terminating rights), then that does count against her. My advice on visits, keep a journal of the visits - missed visits, etc. and if you can be present at the visits, keep track of behavior during the visits.

The truth is, there are VERY FEW parents that can get their acts together after a long history of drug abuse.

[hubbyswife]

I would say No to her giving up a child on her own this is why SW try to see if the bparents will relinquish on their own versus being involuntarily terminating parental rights.

***Just remember.....Bparents don't get their kids taken away b/c they are good ppl or that they are functional ppl. They need help and services to help them get back on track of being able to raise their kids.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by lovingnewbie

Hi, I am a new foster parent , I have a 12 week old baby that has been here 5 weeks already. Bio Mom is a drug addict, after I got the baby she was told to go to rehab, get an apartment set up, get a job and be in court later this month. Well she is in rehab, living in a hotel, no place for the kids, and quit her job after 3 days.WHAT IS SHE THINKING? Is this normal that they do not do what the state has asked of them!? I am in shock. I really thought the trauma of having your kids in foster care for already 5 weeks would make her get with it. What happens to the parents and children in a case like this??? I know every situation is different, but Im a newbie and any info is appreciated,thanks

This is very, very common. Many of these birth parents are so caught up in mental illness or addictions, that they just aren't in a place where they are able to "get it together". For most of us, losing our children would be "hitting rock bottom" - but I guess it isn't the same for everyone. I really, really wish that my foster son's parents could have made an effort - it would have been wonderful to have him reunited with a family capable of raising him. Unfortunately, they did absolutely NOTHING that was asked of them, and are in deep denial - still insisting that Children's Services is just picking on them. After all, if you truly believe you are doing a fine job parenting, why would you change anything? Now, as for what happens in these cases - it SHOULD go to TPR and the finding of a forever family for the child. BUT this often takes much longer than it should. I think I've got the worst case scenario - my son first became involved with Children's Servcies when he was 18 months old. They finally TPR'd in August - he is 15. In between those years there was case plan after case plan, 14 stays in foster care, and even a year in a group home....and apparently when he was returned to his family after the group home, the worker involved said "Are you kidding me???" yet it still took all this time.

[kennasmom]

Stevenstwin - what state are you in...if you can answer? In California, they have become RIGID about finalizing cases within a 15 month time frame.

I guess that because your son was brought into the system so many years ago, things were different. We are fortunate that laws changed in 1999! I believe in most states there is an 18 month max. Crossing fingers that never changes!

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by kennasmom

Stevenstwin - what state are you in...if you can answer? In California, they have become RIGID about finalizing cases within a 15 month time frame.

I guess that because your son was brought into the system so many years ago, things were different. We are fortunate that laws changed in 1999! I believe in most states there is an 18 month max. Crossing fingers that never changes!

I'm in Canada, but we have a very similar situation here - a couple of years ago the law changed to state that if a child was in care cumulatively for 365 days, the termination of parental rights would be automatic. HOWEVER - that has been interpreted as only the days starting AFTER the law was passed, so much of my son's 582 days in care didn't get considered. And the clock stops as soon as the TPR is filed - which was last January, even though the trial didn't actually happen until 8 months later, so THOSE 8 months didn't count. Also, I'm not sure how the law works on this point - when you say finalizing in 15 months, how do they count that? I mean, I see it if the child is in care the whole time, but what do they do if they are back and forth - returned to parents and then taken again? My son had been in many very short term foster homes, and under "custody agreements" in which he was actually home but the parents were supposed to be working on something - so he was constantly being returned home - other than the year in the group home, and the year leading up to the TPR, the longest he'd ever been in a foster home was a few weeks. It's all very complicated, isn't it? It takes a lawyer to understand it all, and it is far too weighted in favour of giving the bios every last chance possible instead of letting a child get on with his life.

[kaylasmom]

I always thought that as long as a family was reciving service's through the county they were considered to be in the system, and as long as there in the system that is time running....so it seem's that all that time should have been against them, but maybe thay hAVE to be out of the home.

I do know that when they go home they are in family maintenance, and that in that time if they get taken back, they only have so long left...if they child went home after a year, then went home, then 3mths later went in, they would only have 6mths left...BUT of course they go alllll out to let the kids go home, so they do everything they can to help them.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by lovingnewbie

Is this normal that they do not do what the state has asked of them!?

To put it mildly: yes. Even parents who are really giving it their all to get the kids back usually have trouble following the treatment plan.

They are being asked to make HUGE life changes. Have you ever tried to make a simple change in your own life, like going on a diet or quitting smoking? It's really hard, right? Well, imagine being asked to change EVERYTHING about your life at once. Where you work, what you eat, where you live, what substances you ingest.....it's an enormous undertaking.

Relapses are common, and totally to be expected. No case is resolved in the first five weeks, and very few are resolved in the first five months. Progress is something that has to be evaluated over the long term.

I hope this helps!

[jackiesbooks]

Welcome to foster parenting. My fs has been in care for 2 yrs and Mom has never done any of her plan. She usually comes to visit 3 out of 4 weeks. We are heading to TPR or mediation soon.

One of my former CW use to say I am to rational. That birth parents do not always think like I do. It is very hard to understand, but this will not be the last time you will see behavior that you do not understand.

Good Luck!

[Chancey]

One important thing to remember is that (almost) all Bparents love their children. The problem is that the disease (drugs, alcohol, abuse) is hard to break, and many, many times these people who have so much love for their children can not break the addiction. The disease can be stronger than them!! Five weeks is not a lot of time, and many times the federally mandated 18 months is not enough for the parent, but for the best interest of the children the 18 months is good so that they move towards permanancy.

[volkswitt]

got a call from sw yesterday to take a sibling group of 2 boys and a girl ages 7-10.i had said i would take 2 boys under 9. i had a couple of hours to soul search and very little information on the kids. i just could not turn them down. **** the torpedoes full speed ahead! sw was rather gruff with the kids told the oldest to quit crying.i told him it was ok to cry and that 1 cried sometime too. after my kids got home from school the all interacted well together. it was not long until there were smiles and laughter! come what may i feel like i made the right decision. i can't post from my home computer (router issue?) so i will update when i can. thank you all for your posts i has helped my to educate myselp and be better prepared for this ride. sorry for such a long post but i wanted to share this.
thanks y'all
volks witt