[stevenstwin]

I must say, this was a bit of an eye opener! He's always denied that any abuse has happened to him - I thought it was mainly out of a desire to protect dad, and maybe partly stuff he really does not remember. BUT...the point was really brought home that kids don't automatically KNOW what is "normal". Holy crap. It started with him going on one of his rants about how Child Welfare is out to get him...just basically picking on his family for no reason, etc - and how they do that to EVERYBODY. (so many of his friends come from screwed up homes too). He actually, in all seriousness, asked how many times Children's Services has been to MY house. Uhhh....how about never?? He is 15, but he was actually shocked by that! But the conversation went on from there, and I mentioned that fact that he's always told me his dad NEVER physically abused him, but that I know dad has actually admitted it. He thinks about this for awhile - then turns to me and says "What is the difference between spanking and abuse?" I said "Spanking doesn't leave marks or bruises. It is done only on the bum, and only with an open hand. Your teachers reported marks all over your body, and from objects other than a hand." He was really quiet for a while, and then just said again "I just thought that was perfectly normal." Honestly - I would have thought that a child this old would KNOW that what happened to him is "wrong", but I really don't think he does! This also explains to me why he is afraid to have kids of his own someday. Is anyone familiar with the Offspring song "way down the line"? (look up the lyrics - it is about EXACTLY what we are trying to avoid, as foster parents!). That triggered tears and a long conversation a few weeks ago.

[EmmaLeigh2882]

Awww so sad... Many Children are taught to think normal is abnormal and vice versa... Its our responsibility to teach them the love they never learned before.

[straightblues]

Wow that is great that he is opening up to you. I love it when it happens with my son. It doesn't happen very often but I cherish the times it does. Those are the days that I feel like I am really bonding with him and things are on the right track. My son is only 7.

The one mistake I always make as a foster dad is assuming that they children know things. They missed out on a lot of stuff and not only that but they also got miss information. This comes out in all sorts of ways. Just because they are older doesn't mean they know. Believe it or not, I had to teach my then 6 year old how to wipe his butt properly and several other very basic things that you learn as a 3 year old.