[Kristin7]

They said there is no way to stop visits with bio parent. It is a federal law that the parents are allowed contact.

SA hotline/info has not been called in yet by therapist as she was wanting to get more details from girls to make sure that DCFS takes the call.

So until that hotline is made...visits are on for bio dad and girls. They are to be supervised...but still...the girls don't want them and their behavior last night/this morning was alarming.

7 year old was up several times last night saying her privates hurt and then this morning threw a fit and din't want to get up and go to school. Then 9 year old has packed her favorite stuffed animal in her back pack and has said it is"to protect me" during the visit.

So ..i guess until the hotline call is made by T, that visits can not be stopped. they are court ordered.

Advocate did say to contact the GAL. Aren't GAl's supposed to contact foster children/foster parents?



I have to settle down...........

K.

[Kelly Rae]

One of our adopted kids visits were stopped before TPR, because of similar behavior. Call the children's attorney and see what can be done. In our case we were told that visits were rarely stopped before TPR, but their was enough convincing evidence that it was to harmful to our child.

[TBearsAunt]

Have you thought about providing the oldest with a cell phone? I realize she is a bit young, but you could probably teach her to use it if necessary. It might even help her to feel more safe knowing that you (or the authorities) are a phone call away. Do you know how long the visit will be? Also keep fighting.

All the best.

[Kristin7]

CW called to me this morning to tell me that the visit was on..and that if she saw any distress..that she would end it and leave right away. It was by voicemail so she has not gotten my information about how the girls acted last night and this morning.

Visit is scheduled for 1 1/2 hours.

Why is mom pushing for these visits? she has heard the girls say they do not want them and that they are not comfortable around bio dad. mom put the girls in harms way in the first place and that is what caused the SA. i just dont' understand, court order or not, how this can be allowed to continue. the girls are being violated again today by having to be near bio dad when they are so upset by it.

if they are RU....makes you wonder what other things bio mom will force girls to do against their will.

K.

[DCMomLady]

Hi, Kristen.

I've never been a foster parent but I thought it was a law that you (like teachers, doctors and therapists) must report to the police any suspicion of sexual abuse. Why do you feel you have to wait for the therapist to report it to DCFS? Let the girls tell the police what they have told you and I bet the police will make sure the visits stop.

When Her Sweetness was first removed from her bioparents at 18 months, she was taken to supervised visits with each of them. Visits with biodad were stopped after 2 or 3 times because he was "inappropriate" in his communications with the toddler and angry and volatile with the observers. Visits with biomom started when my niece was released on bail and returned to our home state. They took place in a special room at the local DSHS office and were watched by a professional observer and oftentimes the caseworker, too. At the third visit, the observer happened to be in the parking lot when we were arriving and saw Her Sweetness become nearly hysterical when biomom tried to help her out of our car. The next day, they stopped all visits.

The decisions to stop the visits with each bio were made by caseworkers in two different states -- who I'm certain were quite familiar with federal laws and statutes. I'm not sure whether they had to get the judge to sign off on those decisions or not. I do know the decisions were made promptly and in the best interest of the child, not the parents.

I hope that your observer will do the same for your girls, Kristen. They don't have to be traumatized anymore.

DeeCee

[Kristin7]

I did report the abuse back two years ago when the girls first told me. I hotlined it. The older niece even told a school social worker. Nothing was done then. Not even an investigation was opened by DCFS. They all thought it was just my being a nosey aunt and so forth. The abuse continued.

I had to wait for the system to do its job and thankfully the case was reopened and the girls were finally brought into foster care and now it HAS to be looked into.

Its sad...its a huge regret of mine that i have known this all along, but couldn't get anyone to listen to me. I've had to wait until a professional outside of teh state system, could listen to the girls and will be making their own hotline. Who knows if this one will be taken seriously.

K.

[DCMomLady]

I still think the information should be given to the if you suspect a CRIME has been committed against the girls. Two years is too long for those girls to think that what happened to them is okay with the world.

I would never trust anyone but the to deal with a charge of sexual abuse. After all, you're not reporting a bad attitude or bad habit. You're reporting a CRIME AGAINST A CHILD.

And it's not too late to report it. I think you should; especially if you worry that it could happen again during one of your caseworker's infamously casual supervisions. And being forced to face the alleged perpetrator at weekly visits ought to be a crime and I bet the would agree with me!

DeeCee

[Kristin7]

DeeCee
My only concern with calling the police is that i would upset the DCFS investigation or the report by the therapist. I do agree that the police needs to be involved and I will call them, but maybe after the therapist does her hotline. I also agree that someone else besides DCFS needs to be involved. The police being involved might just keep the state on the ball against the bios.

I thought that the police usually defer to the State system anyways? i guess that is wrong?

Thanks
K.

[mom2GRLC]

When we had two boys living with us as foster kids they were brought in for very bad living conditions. We only had them about a week and already heard them talking about sexual abuse and acting out things with dolls. I reported it many times to the social worker thinking that was her job to also look into that. She kept telling me over and over to call it into the hotline but each time I tried I would be on hold for like an hour after about 4 times (and a very busy family) I said forget it....again i told the social worker I couldn't get through and that she needed to get these boys to some counceling or something etc. Well, finally I did get a hold of someone at the hotline number and reported it.

So, I wouldn't wait for anyone to do anything....I would do it yourself and get the police involved. the thing is...if you call in a report to the police they have to respond and look into it within a certian amount of time. It also is a seperate case and should be looked at seperatly or investigated seperatly. That is what I was told by the social worker since sexual abuse wasn't the reason the kids were brought into care....but even then I think it is rediculous that they didn't look into it or do anything for those kids to address the sexual behavior etc. before I finally got through to the hotline.

[Luvbeingmommy]

I also had a foster child who indicated that bdad had been inappropriate (daddy touched my teetee) I immediately called the oncall worker who gave me the hotline number and told me to call the police also.
I think you need to call the police a.s.a.p. don't wait for someone else to do it. This will also show your girls that you are serious about helping them.

[straightblues]

The bioparent his civil rights which allow them to visit their children. The Courts will not stop these visits without very good reasons that they can prove. One of the main reasons bioparents win on appeal is that their visitation rights were violated.

My biodad told the children he was going to steal them and kill them. This was overheard by the county social worker. When biodad realized she heard, he told her that he would also kill her and her fiance if she reported it. Well she reported it, and the judge stopped visits for three months. After three months, the visits were restored so the biodads rights wouldn't be violated. As you could imagine, I wasn't happy about it at all.

Unfortunately, the visits with biodad will likely continue. Remember they are supervised and he will not be able to abuse them further. I personally would let the social worker handle the abuse allegations. You can support them in reporting but don't spear head it. You will look like the person trying to ruin the father in order to get the children which is not a good position for you to be in. It is something that will be hard to prove and visits will likely continue until he is tried and convicted which likely won't occure for several months if not years.

Make sure you keep a detailed written record of what happens after the visits and make sure it get submitted into the Court record by the social workers. The judge may be able to use it to stop the visits.

[foster_bub]

Originally Posted by straightblues

My biodad told the children he was going to steal them and kill them. This was overheard by the county social worker. When biodad realized she heard, he told her that he would also kill her and her fiance if she reported it.

It amazes me to this day how the 'system' continues to let these children down. How they'd be willing to continue visitation after a threat like that was made is just beyond me.

How no one from these agencies can stop what they are doing and make a phone call on our behalf is incomprehensible.

I strongly encourage you to pick up the phone and call the police. Not only for the children's protection but for your own as well. If the powers above find out that you did nothing (not saying calling the cw is doing nothing) they may have grounds to remove the children from your home and do some investigation. I know it's unfounded, but most likely will happen. Even if you come up clean as a whistle, the damage has been done.