[stevenstwin]

okay, this has been building for a while, and I finally need to post about it. I'm actually feeling both frustrated and depressed :-( I'm really feeling like it's an uphill fight to be recognized as A.s parent. First of all, I have a social worker who is REALLY hard to get ahold of (yes, I know that's the norm!)- she's very verbally supportive, but it's awfully hard to get any real follow through. We've been trying to get a passport for MONTHS for our trip to DisneyWorld. Since I'm not his parent, I can't apply for a passport. She's going to have to drive him 3.5 hours to the nearest major city to do it. She rarely returns emails or phone calls - she STILL hasn't even given us full disclosure on A's background, which should have been done when we first got him - which makes me wonder if she's got "secrets" or details I don't know. She also loves to remind us both that SHE is his legal guardian. She really personalizes it - I know that Children's Services IS his legal guardian, but she's says things like "remember, A, *I'm* your real guardian so you have to do what *I* say." Well, if YOU, personally, are his guardian - just let us know when you've got his bed ready! Really, she only sees him once every 3 months or so, and her case load is to big that she doesn't have the TIME to be actively involved in the case of child who has already had parental rights terminated and is in a safe, stable, long term foster home. But my problem this week is the school!! He was suspended for fighting 2 weeks ago, and the school called the social worker INSTEAD of me! She actually had to tell them that yes, I have the authority to deal with all school issues.Even then, they reported back to her on the results of our parent meeting with the other boy, and such. Somehow it just ends up feeling like a violation of privacy. Legally, technically, she has the right to know and judge every parenting decision I make. She's never given me any trouble, but it sure feels like I'm living under a microscope. Now today- I found out "accidentally" (I work at this school after all!) that they are having a meeting about A! They are having all teachers meet to discuss if they are having problems with him, and to write up an IEP (individualized program - he has one every year due to his behavioural challebges). Hmmm..I wasn't invited. I know my rights - or thought I did - so I told them that as the parent, I should have been asked to attend. You know what they told me? "Sorry, you aren't the legal guardian - we DID extend an invitation to K. (the SW) but she can't make it." I was then also informed that when the IEP is finished,they won't even give me a copy! They'll get K. to sign it, and I won't even get to SEE it unless SHE gives me a copy! At every turn I'm hearing "YOU aren't the legal guardian, so we won't deal with you." It makes me feel redundant and like nothing more than a babysitter - and it is so SENSELESS asking someone who barely knows him to make decisions, and then not even letting his "mom" know what's going on. How the heck can you expect me to parent every day and support his education and his teachers if you won't even TELL me what's going on?? The only solution would be for us to immediately file for Private Guardianship - but we seem to be getting some pressure not to do that - his counsellor advises against it (I won't go into it as I've posted about it separately). He tells everyone I'm his mom, calls the girls his sisters, and refers to us as his family. There just seems to be a weird sort of vibe out there that people feel free to tell you how to parent in a way they wouldn't with your bio kids. I've even had the vice principal and special ed teacher tell me that they've know A. BETTER than me, and I'm just being manipulated by him. (the VP has known him "longer", and the SpEd teacher has seen all his psych reports, and of course has training in "that kind" of kid. But hey, what do I know? I'm not a trained professional, I've just spent practically every minute of his life with him for nearly a year.) I feel quite depressed by it all, and have moments of really wondering if I can keep on trying to parent him with so much interference.

[foster_bub]

wow, that's horrible.. It would make me feel redundant too. Can't you call the social workers supervisor? I know it stinks to go above someone's head, but there are times when it's required. The case load factor should not come into play, as it's only an excuse in my mind. It sounds as if you've given them plenty of time to act on getting the passport. If the social worker isn't willing or is overloaded then they should give you more say in this childs well being and education. They will always have an excuse for not following through which holds no water with me.

[savannah2]

Ive done foster care for 15 yrs and always got an invitation to the iep meeting. Does he have an educational advocate? If not you can sign up to be it.

[kaylasmom]

Wow I have never heard of a sw saying They are the one's in charge, thats strange. I think I'd ask her supervisor about that one, and why in the world would they NOT want you to get gaurdianship? If you would, that give's him alot more stebility, and here thats what they want.

If you get gaurdianship you have alot more rights, here they see the kids 2 times a year, every 6mths, and you just send in the medical and dentel when you get it done. If you plan on keeping this child forever, then its the way to go, and you should talk to another person about it.

If the sw is the one to make these kinds of decisions then she should be the one to transport the kid to where he needs to go, or what ever it is they decide to do, she should be the one responcible, she can't say yes then expect you to drop everything else to do what she agree's to, and then look, she's to busy to even go? thats a bunch of crap, call the supervisor and see what you can do to get a little more freedom to help this kid.

I have always been able to do what I wanted, I just had to let the worker know. They always said I had the kids 24/7 so I knew what they needed better then they did. So this just shocks me.

Let us know what happens, and hang in there!

[stevenstwin]

Here the guardianship actually takes them completely OUT of Children's Services. It gives the same rights as an adoptive parent, but only until the child turns 18 (and they dont' change their name or inherit). So it certainly WOULD be the solution for getting rid of the social worker altogether and forcing the school to take me seriously. I see you read my note on the other board, though - so you've seen the dilemma with the counsellor recommending against it. I know Children's services would be happy for me to do it, because it would save them a whole lot of money!

[swanzie]

stevenstwin.
I don't know about Canada...but here in the states you can be appointed the educational advocate. In my state as the foster parent you are automatically the advocate unless you say otherwise. This situation is totally nuts...you should be involved....I agree. I ran into that trouble a little - but I let the sw know that she better involve me and everyone at the school. I meant it...she knew it. I needed to try and help with the attitude at school and how could I if I wasn't involved...just doesn't make sense. Hopefully you can be appointed by your department so they have to go thru you even if they still need to cc the department about issues - you should be told first. At least in my opinion.

[AmahMama]

I've ALWAYS gone to every IEP meeting, medical or dental appointment, assessment, behavorial analysis and anything else to do with my foster children. I've not only gone to them but set them up and provided the details to the sw. Sometimes they go, sometimes not. If the child is in your home and you are responsible for his care - it is total mismanagement on thier part to exclude you. Is the cw going to be at your home every evening to hear how his day went?

I would go to supervisor after supervisor about this issue. If the cw is doing this to this case - how many others is she mismanaging? Most of thise issues with cw's aren't isolated and need to be challenged. Maybe the s'visors aren't aware of the faulty thinking on the part of the cw? It definatley sounds like an issue that needs to be addressed.

Guardianship shouldn't really take a child out of the system financially or otherwise. DCF (or equivalent) is still custodian. And who knows, maybe guardianship and the knowledge that placement is stationary might help the issues involved with the behavior.

[stevenstwin]

Yes, I'm pursuing it further - I don't think the social worker is the problem so much as the school..but his counsellor also said she'd back me up. I'm going to try to get a face-to-face with the social worker to clarify some things, and get her to help me make clear to the school that I must be invovled. By the way, here in Alberta if a child is under Private Guardianship, Children's Services is NOT the legal guardian and they are NOT "in the system". It gives you all the rights of a parent, but ends at age 18. It does seem tthat it woudl solve my problems right now!

[FosterSurroBirthMom]

Here in MI I was told that if the bio parents are in ok standing they MUST be the ones to sign but if they are incompatant (for various reasons, drugs, in jail, MIA) then DHS can appoint us as foster parents to sign but DHS workers CANNOT sign...isnt that odd?? I was like thats crazy!!
My bio daughter has a IEP, so I am familiar but yeah its nerve racking...they want you to understand and support A but yet you cannot see what they find to be her issues??? Crazy!!

[Kelly Rae]

I'm sorry I don't know your history do you want to adopt him? When is the next court date? You might consider de-facto parent parent status as this gives you more rights. You are doing a awesome job, it would be very difficult to not feel the way you do it's a sign that your a normal healthy person. Sending hugs!

[stevenstwin]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm so confused, LOL! I know that no-one can really give me any specific advice on my actual rights legally, as laws vary so much from place to place (I'm in Alberta). It is really nice, though, to be able to vent a little and work through my own feelings here.