[GingerR]

I thought I would just post about both things here and if anyone can help me out with either one, I much appreciate it!

The first is pertaining to our 22 month-old fd, soon to be adopted daughter. We are still having to cut her food up in itty bitty pieces, otherwise, she will take huge bites and try to swallow without chewing. On a couple of occasions, she has taken too big of a bite of something, turned red and finally started coughing. It has scared me so bad, I thought my heart would stop. Even though she's capable of using a spoon, we've decided we will just have to keep feeding her ourselves until she learns how to eat properly. All of her back teeth are in, so I'm not really sure why chewing is such an issue for her. Has anyone ever dealt with this in a child that's almost 2?? I see other children her age and younger holding whole pieces of things and taking appropriate sized bites and I'm just at a loss.


Onto the second thing: our fs will be 4 1/2 months old when we travel to NYC in December, a trip we planned before his arrival. In the beginning, it seemed putting him in respite (4 days) would be the best solution but of course, now that I've gotten attached, I hate the thought of doing that. But realistically, I know taking him is a bad idea. We're taking our 22 month-old, and I get tired just at the very thought of it, logistically... getting on and off the subway, pushing them around through crowds in a <gulp> double stroller, the possibility that he will still be crying a lot at night, which is oh-so-pleasant for the other hotel patrons.

If I can't convince my mother to come down and stay with him in our home for a few days, I'm just wondering what someone else would do in our shoes. Take him? Or respite? Respite just seems so random, like you're sending them to a babysitter you've never even met and know nothing about. And what parent would do that, especially with a 4 month-old?

Thanks for any feedback!

Ginger

[bjhv5]

Well we have a 26 month old and he still shoves too much food in his mouth so we have to sit with him and remind him to take small bites and not put too much food in.He has been with us since he was 1 but I think before he came he did not get alot of food and that is still somewhere in his mind.I do not know.

As for your little guy,Well all I can say is do what you feel is best.We have never used respite care ( 18 month into fostering) but I just feel better having them with me.I guess I feel as if they will wondering if I left them too.But do what you think is best.Have you thought about a front pouch? It would free your hands for your 2 yo and it makes travling with a baby so easy.
Good Luck!

[crick]

I agree that it's not all that uncommon for a 2 year old who might have had food "issues" prior to take big bites etc. You might consider giving her a spoon putting the food on it for portion control, but allow her to feed herself.

The trip...do you have permission from the sw to take such a small infant out of state? If so, I do agree with a sling or pouch to put him in instead of using a double stroller in NYC. Only you can know if you'll feel comfortable enough leaving him at home.

[AmahMama]

I think that respite is easier on babies than it is on the mid-toddler age. The older ones you can explain taht they are going on a pj party and you will be back. 18 mo - 2 and 3 yo's don't understand and just know that they've been left - again. But do remember that respite providers are licensed (at least in the states i've been in) and many have a wish or a need to help out but don't have the ability or time for full-time fostering.

I have 4 and we travel more than most fp's and almost always take them with us. We are now visiting relatives across the country and flew here with all 4. It was quite an experience - but our little ones were so well behaved I was definately proud of them. They took it all in stride with great big eyes - watching everything - and many of the children traveling with bio's didn't do as well.

It will work either way for the child - you need to do what you think will work the best for you.

And bless you for caring!!

[AmahMama]

Oh, and the food issue!! Several years ago I gave my 3.5 yfs a baby spoon to use until he could figure out how much to put into his mouth. It worked so well that I have a stash of "baby steps or fiirst years" spoons that I use until they graduate to one of the smaller plastic spoons and then on up to regular silverware.

It may work for you also.

[jstodd]

I had a little one that was 2 months old and we had to put him in respite care. I hated it but we also learned that we can't stop our lives. we were going to se my family that hadn't been together for 6+ years and I wanted to take hime so bad but the family wouldn't let us so we had no choice but to put him in respite.
I use respite about once every 2 months to get a break. I am also alone taking care of them for now so I need the break. I use other foster families that I know. Very rarley do I send them to someone I have never met.

[GingerR]

Thanks for the suggestions, feedback.

bjhv5, your scenario with your 26 month-old sounds just like us, having to sit right next to her while she's eating and saying, "Chew! Chew! Little bites!" over and over again. We'll got to a picnic or restaurant and people will just hand her things like suckers or a big piece of an apple and I'll have to run in front of it like it's a freight train, ha. Even at church, they give Goldfish and I have to remind the teachers every week (they alternate) to please watch her when she eats as she likes to do so by the fistful.

She's been with us since she was 7 months, and was pretty fat and healthy, so I don't think there's any emotional baggage attached to it, just not connecting what she's capable of handling yet. I guess time will take care of it.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions about the snugglie for the infant/traveling issue. I do have one that I'd completely forgotten about and put him in it today and he loved it. Went right to sleep and with a heavy coat on, you wouldn't even feel it. So that's a possibility. If not, I will ask a foster family we've gotten to know pretty well and see how they feel about watching him... it completely slipped my mind that you could request a specific family and make arrangements that way.

Take care all

[shycar]

I like amahmama suggestion with the spoon. There is actually toddler spoons that is slightly bigger then the baby spoon. My 1 yr old loves to stuff his mouth I think its normal, but I always have to remind him to take little bites. With the spoon he can only fill it a little and his mouth is less full.

[Lamaena]

My two year old fd use to stuff her mouth, always. She use to put so much food in her mouth that she often gagged. After a lot of coaching and repeating myself she has learned to take small bites and not to take in more than one bite at a time . I do think that her issues may have something to do w/ the environment that she lived in w/ her family, not only was she kept in horribly filthy conditions, but my 4 y.o. fs says that they often did not have food.
As per the respite situation, we have the same issue and do not know what to do. In our case our fkids are 4 and 2 and we have plans to go to Chicago over the holidays and to the Dominican Republic next spring. I just feel terrible about not taking them w/ us, but my dh keeps telling me that's what we should do. I guess we'll see, I am not convinced I want to leave them in respite, not even sure that they will provide as much respite as we may need for those trips.

[savannah2]

My twins are 3 1/2 and still do this,its sensory with them oral input. Thats what I was told one is worse than the other. scares me to death.

[momof6plus]

my 4yo fs still stuffs his mouth full when I am not looking, we have told him over and over not to but he will do it if nobody is paying attention. He still tries to pick up foods with a fist even spaghetti. He has stuffed his mouth so full that he gagged and threw up on the table once. He and sibs came from a home where food was limited and when they did eat all they got was ramen noodles or mac n cheese.