[pechocha]

I have seen this thread before, but I'm not able to find it, so I'm going to ask for some thoughts... We have been thinking lately about keeping DD first name given by her bmom as a middle name. Like I said, we were thinking before to just change her whole name. Now, we are not so sure. I read on other threads on how important this could be for the children, that their bmom chose a name for them, it kinds of makes them feel important that bmom thought about them. So, is this really good for them? Since they come from a different background as domestic adoption. Bmom is not in the picture at all, and has not look for baby since she was born, she actually saw and named DD at the last minute before she left the hospital, so I'm not sure how beneficial this will be for our DD. Any thoughts?

[fostermomintx]

I just finalized the adoption of my son and still call him by his first name but have altered it a bit on the birth certificate to a more formal version of that name. I changed his middle name totally and of course he gets my last name. He is only 3.5 years old now and I figure that if he wants to he can change his name back when he's older but since his first name is the same I don't think there will be any problems for him.

I have a mediation agreement with his bios that they get 4 visits every year (so far the bmom has missed 2 and the bfather 1). And they call him by his first name but I'm sure he's going to blurt out his full name at the next visit (Nov.). He likes to tell people his full name...

I think it should be left up to the adoptive parents. It's a new beginning for him and for me and I think it deserved a fresh start. He will always know about his birth family and I hope he doesn't mind that his name was changed. It's up to him, who knows what the future holds...

[AmahMama]

If the child is older - he should be asked his preference. I have an adopted grandson that asked to change his whole name to go with his new life as a SON. Other grandchildren (all adopted) still have thier birth first name - because it is hard to take everything away. And we called them by that name during the entire "foster period". Middle names were changed and in once case the first name was changed and the birth name became the middle name. We still call her by the same name. Many times we have made up nicknames for the child (esp if we knew (or felt strongly) that they would be going to adoption so that the adoptive parents could do whatever they wished with the name and just use the nickname during the adjustment period. How would you like to have someone "new" calling you a name you'd never heard before? And expect you to answer to it???

A funny - at one point we had 2 Jasmines. And we had them for several months, both planned for reunification. One a 4 yo and one 18 mos. We called the older one Jas and the little one Minnie. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do LOL

So we've had several scenario's with names - hope this helps some. You have to do what is best for you and your family!!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

We kept both boys first names. Probably because after calling them by those names for a year they had just BECOME their names. We did change their middle names altogether...and of course their last names became ours. Bug had 5 names...what a mess! Bear had 4...not uncommon, but his "alleged" father is a sex offender and we did not want him to be able to find him later. They now have the traditional 3 names keeping only their first. All birth families were very understanding of this.

[hubbyswife]

We are also adopting hopefully by the end of the year. We have decided to name her the nickname from her birth name. She will get a new middle and last name too.

I say do what u think is best for your family....

[locoenlacabeza]

With our boys we are just giving them a more formal first name for the birth certificate and will still call them by their names that were given at birth. Basically they were given what I consider to be nicknames so for their BC they will have a grown up name to fall back on. Their middle names were originally a formal given name so that will stay. And then they will take our last name. Our boys are older though, even though they are still too young to understand that they actually will have formal names.
I would have loved to have changed their names completely or even had them go by their middle names but for 2 years during the "foster period" we called them by their names and so it does make it difficult to change.

[kxl164]

If we adopt our foster children, both will continue to go by the names they have now.

One will be changed to the formal version of the name he has now, and the other will have a name added to his birth name and will then legally have the name he goes by.

We will either change or add middles names and give them our last name.

[coopspa]

We are kind of in the same situation as you. DD came home from the hospital as "Baby Girl" *Jones*. The birth mom gave birth and left, needed a fix. So we brought her home, named her (with great thought and care), and thought that was that. Twelve months later the CW applied for a birth certificate, and lo and behold, the mom had actually filled one out as she was leaving the hospital. Baby Girl had a name! It was hideous. We even contacted bio sibs, who are much older, to find out if it was some sort of family name. Really truley, NO ONE could have come up with this name. It wasn't weird, like Banjo or Apple, just ugly. Think along the lines of naming your daughter Elvira Fanny, (my great, great, aunt's name BTW ).

ANYWAY, we obviously weren't going to start calling her the new name. She has no attachment to the name. We weren't taking something away from her as some older fosters feel. The name on the birth certificate was more of an afterthought for her Birth mom than anything.

If you feel like you should at least reference the bio mom's wishes, you could use one of the "originals" as a middle like some of the posters, or a form of the name as a name (Alexandria to Alexis, AnneMarie to Anna). Just simply as a coincidence, the name we chose for her has the same initials as the birth certificate name. But I also think that how long the child has been going by the name makes a difference. You don't mention how old the child is. Babies don't care, seven year olds do. What have you been calling her? Have you been using her birth name or a name you gave her? I think that each situation is different, and without knowing a lot of the details, no one here can accurately tell you what to do. Some kids want to change their names, as they associate the name with the trauma, some need it changed to protect them, some want to keep it, as it gives them a link to a life that has diappeared. Some are just too young to care.

We have a copy of the original birth certificate. Our daughter will know the name her mom chose. In our case, I think that is enough, we don't feel any need to hang on to a name that has less meaning than the one WE chose for her. (And not just because the other one is hideous )

[bjhv5]

We are changing all our kiddos names
With F we are changing her entire name( with her permission she is 8)
With N we are moving her first name to a middle name and she is getting a new name
With K & J they are getting new names all together and with S we have been calling her what would be her name when we adopt since birth.
I think you should do what you fell is best for your child.I agreee with older children you should ask them and even let them help pick it out.
We have started calling every one by thier new name and all have adjusted very well!

[mommamarci]

Our son is not a foster to adopt situation, it is simply a domestic adoption, however, I thought I would chime in. We chose to give him four names. We chose the first name we liked, gave him dh's middle name and a second middle name which is the name he was given at birth. We decided this was the pattern we would use for all future children. That way we respect birthmom, give them some of their history, yet still give family names.

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

We are kind of in the same situation as you. DD came home from the hospital as "Baby Girl" *Jones*.

Isn't it sad when you see this? Bug's little ankle band says the same thing "Baby Boy____". The nurses put the first name on the bassinette in the nursery, but only because they had overheard b-mom calling him by it. There were no papers filled out until she first met with the CW. Even then at about visit #4 she wanted to know how to go about changing his name. She had broken up with b-dad and wanted to name him after the bew BF.

[fourbeauties94]

We have sibs and will be changing one name completely as it is very unique and easily identifiable, she is only two and half so it should not be a big problem. Her brother is six and wants to leave his first name and change his middle name. It remains to be seen what really happens as he sometimes wants to change his first name too. We are okay with whatever he chooses to do. We think, since he is older, that is his choice.

[pechocha]

Thank you all for your replies. Our dd is 10 months old and she came to us as "baby girl________" and she was like that for a couple of months until they found out bmom has named her at the last minute. We chose a different name for her and that's what we have been calling her, but lately I was just thinking about keeping her birth name as a middle name and if this will be beneficial for her. Don't know kind of honoring her bmom... We just received a call from our SW and we will be signing the adoption placement papers this month , so we have decided to keep the names we have chosen before, and like coopspa had mentioned, we will have her first birth certificate so she will know the name her bmom gave her.

[GingerR]

We are only going to change our fd's middle name. Her given first name just fits her so well. We've even had people say, "You know, she LOOKS like a ________________." But you would "think" we were picking out a first name, the way we've been obsessing over it. :/

As for our 2 month-old fs, we brought him home from the hospital. He was already named, but it is "extremely" likely he is going to be TPRed (tomorrow in fact). So we are really torn because we'd like to change his name, but until we're 100 percent certain, are hesitant to call him by the one we would choose. So, we're using his birth name and hoping our fd won't be too confused if it suddenly changes a few months from now.

[coopspa]

I don't know what the situation was that prompted your TPR, but in our case there was nothing about the birth mom to honor. That may sound harsh, but it's the truth. Others have different situations, but we took that into account when we were asked if we wanted to preserve any part of her birth name.