[pechocha]

Wow! Bmom gave life to our dd, and that is something I can't forget, no matter what she did in the past. My dd will ask about her in the near future, and I honestly can't say anything negative to her, once she is old enough and could understand will give all the details she wants about her adoption. But, like you said every situation is different.

[coopspa]

Yes, every situation is different, and I realize that. The one problem with writing is that it is very hard to express feeling without tone of voice. Written, my previous posting sounds bitter and harsh, when in reality, it's filled mostly with sadness. Yes ** did give birth to my DD, but DD also had to spend the first five weeks of her life in the NICU withdrawing from heroin. Then I spent the next 3 1/2 months holding her little body during her siezures caused by that heroin. She's lucky. What DD siblings went through before they were removed makes withdrawl seem like a walk in the park.

I know that there are kids out there who are removed because parents lacked the skills and support to suceed. My heart breaks that life threw too much at them and have kids, who they love VERY much, removed from their care. Unfortunetly, here on this board, too many of them are not.

With all sincerety, I am so glad that your daughter's birth mom is someone you feel like you can honor.

Coopspa

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by pechocha

Thank you all for your replies. Our dd is 10 months old and she came to us as "baby girl________" and she was like that for a couple of months until they found out bmom has named her at the last minute. We chose a different name for her and that's what we have been calling her, but lately I was just thinking about keeping her birth name as a middle name and if this will be beneficial for her. Don't know kind of honoring her bmom... We just received a call from our SW and we will be signing the adoption placement papers this month , so we have decided to keep the names we have chosen before, and like coopspa had mentioned, we will have her first birth certificate so she will know the name her bmom gave her.

I think that's a great idea, and I really like it. To some who say that there is "nothing about a birth parent to honour" I have to say that there is always something - at the bare minimum, they gave life to the child you now love. I truly believe that it takes something away from the child to completely write off a parent - most of the children that I have known relate in some way to their birth parents, and feel a "part" of them no matter how bad they are. If you say (or if your actions imply) that the birth parent was completely worthless, the child wonders if HE is too. Anyway, I know that's how my son feels - and I can identify because my parents were divorced and I never met my father, but I hated to hear negativity about him for that reason.

[TexasJingles]

J wanted a whole new name but we encouraged him just to move his 1st name to his middle and he chose a brand new 1st name for himself (he likes having the same initials as me and dh).

T had been asking about being called by his middle name most of the time anyways, and it's a name I like, so we just switched his 2 names around.

C didn't want any name changed and her cwr and us sat her down and said that she was going to have a new last name. Period. She thought she was being disloyal to bmom. I sat with her and talked with her and pointed out that each child had a name that bmom gave them, a name that dh gave them, and one that was from me. She liked that idea and agreed to keeping her 1st name, taking my middle name (which I love), and having a new last name to show she was part of our family officially.

It took longer for us and C to call the boys by their 1st new names (they were insistant that we call them by their new names and would correct us all the time! ). It was important to keep something from the past, but also to protect the kids. We'll always be on the look out for bfamily, but we can relax a bit now (well, I will as soon as we get the red-tape straightened out for new SS#'s ).

[mommyto9]

I've posted about this before but thought I'd share our situation anyway....

"R" has lived with us for 33 months,his brother for 19 months (since birth), bf is awol, ** is in jail awaiting a criminal trial. If TPR EVER happens and we are allowed to adopt. "R's" first name will stay the same. We will change his middle name, as he's named after his bf and paternal grandfather. Paternal grandfather lives nearby and hasn't bothered to see his grandson for 2 years, and is an alcoholic, drug using, abuser. I know that sounds harsh, but is absolutley the truth. "R" will be named after someone in our family. "Baby" is called by his initials. Both his first and middle names will be changed, but will have the same initials. Example: Billy Joe, B.J., will become Bobby John, still B.J.

To me it seems these two boys deserve a happy, stable home and happy memories concerning their names.

It's very tough, and I understand the controversy concerning the changing of names.

We all want what seems best for our children.