[tddjc]

I'm hoping to hear from someone who was going for foster to adopt and had to end up sending the kids to a new foster home. Then whether you were able to pull it together and try again.

We are going inactive for a while while I try to pull myself together, but am I naive to think that next time it can be different, can I be hopeful to find success after failure?

Brief history: They were here for 4/5 months and we were going forward with adoption, both rad one with major anger and rage issues, she was listed as moderate but is severe. Her brother also rad ended up having major sexual acting out issues. Was basic level but should have been mod/severe. All parties agreed that they needed to be moved to a home without other children right away. Where they could also receive focused attention for these issues.

My heart is broken.

Trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing.

[straightblues]

I feel for you. You made a hard but necessary decision for your family. It had to be very very hard. I will pray for you to recover quickly.

I have never been through your situation but I have 3 foster children that are wonderful. There are great children in the system with little or no issues I can attest to that. I hope you find them in the future.

[echobunny89]

Oh boy can I relate to your story. Look over my posts since last October and you'll see what I mean. To make a long story short I had 3 foster children here and it didn't work out due to some major issues including sexually acting out by one child but mostly violent agressive behavior by another. The 17 yr old put me through the wringer as well. To be honest I don't EVER see myself going down this road again.

[jackiesbooks]

I have had 3 children moved - 1 sexually acted out and the other two just did not work out with the other children we had at the time. I felt very bad about all of the moves for a little while and then I realized i did what was right.

Take a little time for yourselves. And get back on the list. are you with a private agency or DSS? Be picky and say NO if it does not seem to be a good fit. I am much better of reading placements when they call now. At first, I felt like I needed to take anyone they called about.

Good Luck

[swanzie]

Parenting a rad child no matter how they are labeled - moderate or severe or mild - is the hardest thing I can imagine. (and I have a good imagination) I currently have to older mild rad kids and I know EXACTLY how you are probably feeling. I have felt my inner core of my being being squeezed from every angle. It is HARD work and there is not a senisble soul on this earth that would look down on you for not proceeding with this adoption. Anyone who I have spoken to regarding raising a rad child would tell you if they had known the ramifications of rad previously they wouldnt have gone thru with the adoption also. So you are not alone - but you are wonderful to have the foresight to know what you can and can't handle. You have done a wonderful thing by realizing that they needed a different home setting. For this do not be ashamed...do not feel guilty. This is something that took alot of courage and you should be applauded for. - the same words I have for echobunny. She tried beyond belief to help out those girls. She had to make a very hard decision...but for the safety and security of those girls I have to commend her also.

Yes I believe both of you deserve a break! But that doesn't mean that you should give up your love of fostering. Would you throw away a bushel of apples because there is one rotten one in the bag?? No - you still can make a beautiful apple pie out of the rest. You both can still make a wonderful experience with other foster children. There are children out there that do not carry the same type of baggage as the ones you have experienced. You need a break - I understand that - I understand wanting to throw in the towel...however, if your heart still desires to foster - I bet both of you will make even better foster parents the next time around...because you have been there and done that and you know the warning signs and you have advocated well for these kids. You care - and there are many foster parents out there who don't....You are good parents - that is why this experience has hurt so much!!!