[twinflana]

Well as much as I have been trying to avoid this my husband finally put his foot down. I called the caseworker this morning and told her that my 2 year old needs to be moved. My husband just does not have the patience to deal with a toddler who does not listen and does exactly the opposite of what you tell him. The sad thing is he does listen to me some of the time just wont ever listen to my husband. Yesterday when my husband told me he hates to come home I realized that I had to give up. I have done alot of crying this morning and am sure I will do alot over the next few weeks. I told the caseworker that I only want him moved to a home that is willing to adopt him since he has already been moved so much and I really do not think his parents will get their act together. His TPR was dismissed in June and the parents were given a 3 month extension, but they have to go for Judicial Reviews every 2 weeks and they still haven't done what they were supposed to. The next review is next week and if they havent attended the classes then it is to be moved back to the Judge for TPR.

This also has made me realize that I need to lower my age category to 0-1 instead of 0-3 since my husband does not have the patience anymore for the toddlers.

[kennasmom]

This question may seem a little OT.

First, I am very sorry for the decision that you had to make. If it makes you feel better, we too had to ask to have a child moved for similar reasons. We had a FS (2) who was destructive. I didn't think it was possible for a little guy to do so much damage. One minute he was showering you with hugs and love and the next he would watch your reaction as he poured juice on the floor, drew on walls, broke things. DH was fine until we went on a vacation with fs. NOT GOOD! fs had also taken a liking to see if he could make our son (1) cry. Luckily, the courts were about to move fs into a rehab with his ** (never understood that one), so they sped up the move.

Now, my question: why did the courts dismiss the TPR?

I hope that you are okay. You did the right thing. You and your husband need to have peace in your home!

[bjhv5]

Twin,

I know you are torn up by this.But you have tried so hard and made so much progress with him you should be proud of that.
And if they can get him in a pre adoptive home then that would be great for him.
Hang in there!!!!

[twinflana]

thanks for your words of encouragement. The TPR was dismissed because of some mistakes the caseworker made in not ensuring the bio parents were given the help they needed (even though they didnt want it) So in order to ensure the parents couldnt win on an appeal the judge ordered a 3 month extension, this was after they were already given a 6 month extension. The state really dropped the ball on this one. But it really does look like it will go for TPR and being up for adoption in the next few months.

[sgtfirstwife]

We are about to do the same thing. Right now we have a 2 year old fs. At first things were fine, but then he started acting out. Now he won't stay in bed, laughs at us when we scold him or give him time out and he is very destructive. My husband is tired of it all and to be honest, so am I.
He is scheduled to go to his GM soon, so we hope it does go as planned. Now we only accept infants to 1.

[jojobear]

twin,
what part of florida ar you in if you don't mind me asking?
Jody

[twinflana]

jojo


I sent you a private message answering that question.

[yanknrebel]

I am so sorry for you having to make sucha hard decision. I would have hated to be put in that position. However, I have to wonder what those that don't want toddlers but only 0-1 in ages will do when that child is still with your family for 12 months or longer while waiting for the system to decide whether to tpr or RU or do kinship or move toward adoption? That child will THEN be a toddler? If your family can't handle a toddler now, then I would suggest NOT taking 0-1 ages either. These children need stability, and not being moved AGAIN because they ahve now become toddler age.

This 3 year old sounds like a typical 3 year old. We got our now 4 year old at birth and got our twins at 5 months of age. They have all three gone through or (twin daughter) now going through this beligerent and non compliant behaviour. JUst my opinion ad 2 cents.

yanknrebel

[Momoflele&bernie]

To Me He This Child Sounds Like A Normal Toddler..they Go Through These Stages. My 3 Year Old Is Very Hard Headed And I Constantly Have To Redirect Him. He Talks Back, Ignores Me, And Even Has Melt Downs. However I Have Realized That He Is Going Through His Toddler Stage......jmo

[HopefulFlmom]

IMO, raising a child from birth or a very young age, is a lot different than taking in a preschooler who possibly may have some serious attachment issues, and behavioral problems already in place. To say that Twin shouldn't foster ANY children (even infants) because they all grow older is a slap in face to her family for trying their best with this little boy. I know Twin, and I give her lots of credit for trying everything she can to minimize this disruption. No matter what, her marriage comes first and if this placement is causing problems, stress and unhappiness in her family, how can this child thrive in that atmosphere? She's doing the best she can under very difficult the circumstances. Instead of criticism, how about some support?

[twinflana]

thank you hopeful for the support. To the others, no this is not normal 3 year old behavior. This poor child has been moved 3 times in the past 7 months and is suffering from some attachment issues, they also believe he might have ADHD but he is too young right now to test for that. That is why it is so hard to have him moved again but since he is not connecting with my husband I feel that this is hurting him more than helping him. Just so you know it is not like I am moving him tomorrow either. This is going to be a slow move and I will only move him to a home that is willing to adopt him when the TPR goes thru.

Having a child from the infant stage to the toddler stage is not the same as getting a child at the age of 2 or 3. The infant has already bonded with your family.

[shycar]

Twinflana Im sorry. I know its hard to make the final decision of moving a child. But if this make you feel better he would have to be moved anyways when TPR would happen to an adoptive home, maybe its better for him to move now and so he can bond with that family, then much later.

I agree with HopefulFlMom. It is sooo much different when you get a child very young and grows in your home then just getting a toddler. I had a toddler with so much behavior problems she was a higher level child than my older child. She was two years old, but managed to give me bruises when she had tantrums. Tantrums would last hours and would include, kicking walls and doors, punching anyone near her scratching herself up. It was hard to see. So no it is nothing like getting a 5 month old that you basicaly raise in a loving home to turn out into a stubborn toddler. No its a toddler thrown in your home that has seen things that even adults have not seen and has issues that is even for an adult its hard to manage.

[athena09]

Hi, my hubby and I are brand new foster parents with 1st placement just happened on 8/1/06 of 2, yes 2 girls ages 6 and 2 1/2. I have been crying since last night and have basically asked that they be moved. They are destructive, hit my dogs and other people. The 2 year old bit me last night and threw a tantrum for most of the evening and night. I feel that I jumped us off the deep end and can't even see the bottom. I can not accept hitting of my animals, I can deal with hitting people more than my dogs, you never know what an animal will do when threatened. I spoke to my case worker about that this am and us paying day care expenses out of pocket and not being reemburssed till the end of the following month, that will sink my husband and I, that is too much money to put out ahead of time. I never cry in general and have done nothing but that since last night. Normally my hubby is the one with out patience but right now I am the one losing my mind and patience, I can't live like that.

[twinflana]

Athena,

I am sorry that your first placement turned out to be so rough. I guess I was spoiled my 1st placement was a newborn and the 2nd was a 9 month old, 3rd a 7 month old so I had it pretty easy to start.

While my foster son has never intentionally hurt me he did bruise me during one of his fits and when I said ouch he stopped but then within 30 seconds he started the meltdown again. I agree you can not take chances with the kids hurting the dogs because you never know how the dogs will react.

[athena09]

I hate having to do this but I hate feeling like this. I am scared if I push through and keep trying that I would really get too deep in and too attached and then would be even harder to get out from under anything or if it would be too late and my dogs bite someone. My male is still a "baby", he's one and just wants to play, lick and get attention and I keep trying to explain that to the girls and tell them they can't hit or push them in the face and it is not even slightly working. I just feel this in my heart and head that it is not going a good direction. I'm sure I will be so sad when they leave but mentally I will feel better.