[sgtfirstwife]

I am getting really upset with my agency. Just a little background info. We are a foster to adopt family. From the start we have made it clear that we want to adopt, but are willing to take foster, if it looks like they are going to adoption.
Anyway we were placed with a fs2 and a fd1, who are to go to relatives in the begining of August. Thats fine, we had an empty house so why not fill a few beds and they are basically good kids. Then I hear from my social worker that she is desperate for a respite worker for a newborn while the foster mother goes out of town, so I said okay. Meanwhile I start hearing about all the babies that are getting placed through our agency, some going straight to TPR, which is exactly what we want. So I make it clear to my sw and the placement worker that we very much want a newborn. They assure me we are at the top of the list.
Yesterday they call me about a newborn boy. I get excited, call hubby. My sw happen to be visiting at the time and she told me she was excited too. Well, I waited and waited, no call. So my sw told me to call the agency. Then I was informed that we could not be placed since I was doing respite for a newborn I was really upset. I would never, ever taken the respite baby, if I had know it would put us our of contention for our own baby. I let the sw know how mad I was. She told me she would talk with her supervisor and get to the bottom of this. She agreed it seemed unfair that we were not placed. Especially since this child goes home in two days and my husband will be here to help with the kids.
I was at a doctor appointment yesterday, when our sw called back and talked to my husband. God bless him, he told her that I was about ready to throw in the towel, contract or not contract (we have to sign a year contract here). She went on to tell him that we should have a baby this week. That an error was made.....grrrrr So what if they don't have a call for a baby for several weeks........
Sometimes I feel they just tell us whatever they think we want to hear.
Anyone else gottent the run around like this?
Thanks for letting me vent.

[stevenstwin]

yep - I think they are very good at telling you what you want to hear! That happens to me all the time, and seems like a common thread with every foster parent I talk to. But I really hope that they mean it and will, indeed, get you a baby very soon. Good luck!

[kidstuff]

My wife and I were Foster-to-Adopt also. All I can say is the children are wonderful. As far as the adults involved, my opinion started at “caring but overworked”, moved to “incompetent”, and it currently hovering around “criminally negligent.” We have three children that were placed with us after the case worker swore that they would never go home. She was so confidant that she recommended we remove ourselves from consideration on two children that were already legally free to adopt. Nine months later the children have a new case worker who is pushing reunification at any cost. For two months we have watched the kids come home both emotionally and physically hurt and no one seems to care. We are often told what a great job we do and how horrible it is the children will have to go back, but they just keep adding days onto the visits. We made a promise to these kids that we intend to keep, but after they are returned to their bio’s we are done. It is just too emotionally draining to be part of a system that provides these kids hope only to again and again place them in situations where harm is done to them. If you do choose to be foster to adopt, I would recommend the following:

1) Make sure you are very clear about what are your requirements. We laughed when we were told that a case worker would say anything to get children sitting in their office placed. In our limited experience, it has proven true. If you think it is hard to say no to a bad placement, wait until you have to say goodbye to a little face that has been in your home for a year.

2) Read the court documents. If the case plan says reunification, that is the goal regardless of what you are being told. Also, look at the case plan, this is the bible for what the parents need to accomplish. If it isn’t written down, they don’t have to do it. If parents do the bear minimum, the kids go back.

3) Ask about the children’s families. A significant portion of children who have TPR are adopted by family or extended family. Often DHS doesn’t even look until after TPR.

[sgtfirstwife]

Thanks for the reponses. Well so far no calls this week for any babies. Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it.
I will take your advice Kidstuff. I have really gotten thick skin since we started this whole thing. Now I just don't say yes. After what has happen with this respite baby, I doubt we will be doing respite anymore. Twice now I have gotten burned doing.
So now we are waiting for that baby we were promised.

[gregorysparents]

kidstuff,

Your are correct in most everything you stated - and - you stated it very well!!

However, I would change #2 to:

The goal of the foster care system is REUNIFICATION. In most cases, it doesn't matter what the cost (financially, emotionally and etc.), it doesn't matter the length of time and in some cases - it doesn't matter what the professionals say - it's REUNIFICATION. No matter what the legal paperwork and etc. states.

#2 hits close to home for us and I have always preached: "The goal of the foster care system is REUNIFICATION."

I am sorry that you won't be fostering any more.

sgtfirstwife,

I still don't understand the respite situation. If you were only doing respite for a day or so - why couldn't the baby still be placed with you? Furthermore, why wasn't the respite placement moved so you could take the baby?

Sometimes I just don't understand the system!!!

Christina

[LeighM]

I have been a foster parent for over 4 years. Almost all of my 22 foster children have been infants. We have adopted one.

If you do not want to risk taking a child and the child going home than you need to do adoption only. However that means that your chances of getting a newborn are low.

Reunification is always the first goal here. It doesn't matter if the bp has lost other children thru TPR. I had a baby placed with me that the bp had lost her rights to 5 other children. The last two tpr was less than a year before this baby was born. For over 20 years this birth mother has done drugs. For the previous two babies no family members stepped in. But that all changed with our fd. Family came out from every direction. Our fd was moved to an Aunts home we had one hours notice. In the end the baby went home. ** has been clean for 8 months.

They systems not perfect. CW have a lot to deal with including fp who are so desperate to adopt a child. And be honest how would any of us like to have to be the ones that tell fp a child is going home. In nearly every case some one heart gets broken sometimes it is the birth parents, sometimes it is the grandparents and sometimes it is the foster parents. It is horrible. CW aren't perfect. They are overworked & sometimes under trained.

The only thing we can hope for is the someone did what is in the best interest of the child. The road to adoption is not an easy through foster care and it is not for everyone.

I can not tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep due to a case or a child. But to be honest - it has changed my life forever. I have no regrets.

[ml4474]

I think the SWs tell everyone want they want to hear - foster parents, judges, bios, etc. They try to keep everyone happy. I was told my FS would be TPRd in October. A couple of weeks ago, it was changed to April 2007. This week I was told that TPR and adoption are not the only course of action and those two things might not happen...

[kidstuff]

LeighM,



You are a lot kinder of your evaluation of the system than I. A huge part of the criticism I have for DHS is their lack of support for birth parents. For six months the department was so negative about the parents that they acted like if they wanted help, they would have to do the work. Now, with the new case worker, they go completely in the other direction, acting as enablers. Our kid’s parents have difficulty understanding how to fill out paperwork, so instead working with them, they ship it to us to fill out. Their mom gets overwhelmed at the idea of having to take three kids to the doctor, so instead of working with her, they change the visit schedule to have us take them. The reason I’m so frustrated is not that the kids are going home, it’s that they are going home to the same situation they left. If you want to support reunification, then do that. Provide what is necessary to change these people’s lives.



I know some people are going to hate me saying this - but to me foster care feels a little like our prison system, we don’t really rehabilitate people, we just isolate them and hope when they come out somehow they will be better.

[ml4474]

The system has many flaws and each case with its different cw is different. In my situation the BPs don't have to do anything other than say they want their children. Their children have been in FC for over 2.5 years (3 years in Sept.). They are sitting in group homes now waiting on us to finish our class. BPs have not completed one step in their RU plan - NOT ONE! But the system does not want to TPR... These children are in prison and they are ready to get out but who is there to help them?

[kidstuff]

I hope things go quickly so those kids can be in your home. No matter what we can say about the system, I know we all agree that these kids need everything we can give them.

Good luck!

[LeighM]

kidstuff,

One of the things that helps me see things a bit different than most fp is that I have a sister who is a cw. There are times and situations that we will never agree upon. But there are also times that by talking out the situation we are able to see the other side.

Don't get me wrong I have dealt with the horrible caseworkers. And trust me I don't make there job easier. Even before my sis became a cw I educated myself on the laws, policies and procedures regarding fc. I don't allow cw to bs with me regarding a case - I will call them on it. I will give them a chance to do their job but if they aren't then I move up the ladder. I have learned that when I send updates on my kids I cc the cw, supervisor and the GAL.
If I don't agree with something I say it and explain why I don't agree.

I do agree that this system is like a prison in regards to children's life/future. And that bp hold the key. Trust me when I say we have fought the battle. In fact at one point they tried to take our ad away from us. But we were one step a head of them. We hired a lawyer and filed a tpr/adoption petition. By doing so the agency would have had to get a court order to move her. We were accused of being adult centered and not kid centered. This group of workers were mad to say the list. Now we are the first ones they call if they are in a tight spot.