[Jerseymomma512]

Hi,
I hope no one minds me jumping in and asking these questions. My DH and I are looking into becoming Foster Parents. We are actually having the home study soon and are taking the classes.

We are interested in taking in babies. We have 2 of our own children, ages 4 and 2.

I think my only hesitation now is what effect will fostering babies have on my own children? I am worried that they (my 2 children) will suffer a great loss if and when the baby/toddler leaves our home. I know I will be upset, but I am willing to accept that for myself.

I am hoping to get some of your opinions. How have your young children dealt with the loss and seperation of foster children. (either by reunification or adoption?)

If you could do it over again, would you have waited until your own children were older?

Thanks in advance! http://forums.adoption.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
Karen in New Jersey

[AlexasMom]

We have a 4 year old child, too. We recently had 2 little foster boys come and stay with us. They were here for a little over a month. They were 4 and 2. My daughter loved having them here - although she did experience some jealousy stuff (she's our only child).

Anyway - when they left - she seemed to have mixed emotions. She went from being sad that they were gone - to glad to have her mommy to herself again.

But - all in all - she bounced back pretty quick. I think the younger toddlers are pretty resilient - and seem to adjust to the changing household pretty quickly.

I've just explained, in very simple toddler-terms, why the children are here - and that it is a good thing for them when they get to return home.

Each child is different, however - so your children may have a different reaction.

But, all in all - I think the younger ones handle the changes easier than older kids.

Best of luck to you.

[tctwhite]

We have a bio son that is 2....will be 3 tuesday and we've had several placements, the longest being 3 months. When those girls left he asked for them a couple of times because his playmates were gone but got over really quick because we spent a lot of time with him. Much more than normal so he would adjust back to being the only child again. We took him somewhere special daily and played and played. Now that we have a sibling set of 3 and hes not the only child again, he loves it just the same. Although we still make special time for him when the others go to bed. That is what we call our family time. Even though we have family time with the other kids too, he just gets some time with just us 3.

[ml4474]

My children are grown but I have been worried about my two nephews (4 & 7). They have become very attached to our fs so we sat them down and explained that we were taking care of our fs until his mother is able to take him home. They understood this b/c of their visits to relative's houses. I think they will miss him if he goes home but they will also understand how much he missed his mother. If he doesn't go home, we will not have to worry about it...

[shy_bear]

We had started fostering when my girls were barely 5 and 3; we stopped. It was too much for them. I am a stay at home mom. So we went from doing our thing, to going to numerous appts. all the time, transporting kids here and there, etc. They did not like have to share their stuff with kids they did not know. We had a three year old and her 18 month old brother; she tried to push my little one down the stairs. That was the end for us.

Now the girls are 8 and 5. We are hoping to adopt. We will only take high legal risk situations of children younger than 2 b/c there is such a limited history on them. We will not take boys older than 4 under any circumstances . We are open to girls as old as 10-12, only if they fit our criteria. These kids have seen and heard things you can not even imagine. You have to be extremely careful.

[sgtfirstwife]

We too just starting fostering. Our first placement were a set of 3 siblings, 18 months to three years that we did temp placement for. My daughter, who is five, understood that they were only here for a short time. It was funny when they left, she said, whew that was a lot of hard work!!
Now we are fostering a fs 2 and a fd 1, that are going to great grandma soon. They have only been here a little over a month, so I know we are going to miss them, but she understands why they are leaving.
This Friday we are getting a newborn for respite care for two weeks. I am hoping this will fill the void for us until we get our next placement. By the way we are asking for a longer term placement next time.
Just be honest and explain as best you can for their age group.