[vesw01]

Ok, so we have a 2 and 3 yr old sisters who have been with us 4 months. I have met their mother on a few occassions and I have to admit, I really like her. I honestly feel the love for her girls. The bio parents have cancelled some visits and that makes me mad b/c our 3 yr old wants to see them so badly. BUT when they do make the visits I am jealous ........ I know they aren't mine and we didn't get into this to adopt. How do I go about keeping the goal of return home in the for front and be happy when they do go home? At times I am scared that they won't go home, b/c honestly we can't afford to pay for daycare ourselves and I don't want to have to say we can't keep them.

I am having a hard time with all of this...any suggestions?

[Imdamommy]

Try to take one day at a time. Each time your mind plays the what if game, remind yourself that you are doing a great job loving these children. When you feel jealous, try to see the birth mom's point of view. You are blessed to have and care for these children ??? hours a week and the birth mom only gets to see them for just a few hours.

Also, don't lose heart if these children are not meant to be yours(maybe they are), they could be a connection to bring a forever child to you. Each of our foster children who left, had a caseworker who was so impressed with how we loved the child that they recommended us for our forever children.

Keep up the good work!

[ml4474]

Arrgg... I really feel for you b/c sometimes I get jealous too. I want fs to be able to go home to his family. That is if and when he wants too. Right now he has made it clear to everyone that he does not want to go home. I think a lot of this is b/c his bios rarely show up for visits, they don't have a phone (a killer for a 13 yo), or transportation. If they would show some kind of stability, I think he would want to go home. Once on a biweekly visit the mother was over 30 minutes late so I let fs call. SHE WAS AT WAL-MART SO SHE "COULDN'T COME TO THE VISIT"!!!! I was SO mad at her. Then we she does show up (about once every 2-3 months) she wants to start giving them advise... That is what I find hard to deal with b/c she doesn't even know them. A couple of weeks ago I took fs to her house b/c he was missing her. When he came home he told me that his bio had called his gf's dad and cursed him out. Now he is not able to call his gf and he wants me to fix it... I don't like that she hurts him...

I read Imdamommy post and I'm glad I did... I have to remember that I am blessed to have him here but he is not mine. I'm sure his parents love him and I know he loves them. I just wish they would show more interest in their child - I think that is where my jealous and angry feelings come from - maybe it is the same for you...

[twinflana]

I agree with the previous post enjoy life today, dont worry about tomorrow (I know it is hard to do). I dont know if this is possible but with my 9 month old I spend the visit with the mom and baby. That way I still feel I am part of it and I learn alot from Mom that the caseworkers neglect to tell me. But remember Mom's dont always tell the truth. Also she calls me about once a week to find out how he is doing and this really helps me accept that I only have him for a short time.

[vesw01]

Great point of views, that is how we started and we started to drift. I never intended to lose sight of them going home, that is why we got into this in the first place. The CW and such just start putting ideas in your head-just a seed and BAMM it grows......ugh!!

I am not interested in being a part of their weekly visits, that is there time with their parents and I don't want to have them choose between us (although I also know they would not pick me). I often forget that somewhere deep inside the parents love their kids, they just don't always cherish them. I know my kids love their parents and I am glad for that....I can't imagine being on the other side of all of this. Having people tell you what you can and can't do with your kids. I already get upset when they tell me how I should run my house - I just tell them where they can stick it, I mean I politely tell them, that I am not court ordered to be a part of the system and to bother someone else.