[ml4474]

I have another question... BF told FS that he was going to get married and move to MI when gf gets a divorce. He sd that once the divorce is final and they are able to get married, bf is going to work through DHR in MI to get FS moved. How does this work? Has anyone had this situation?

[stevenstwin]

Whoa - I have no idea since I'm in Canada, but that would be terrible! I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it has a lot to do with what the case plan is - are they going for TPR or RU? HERE there is a very high value placed on keeping the child in their home community - same school, same friends, same foster family, etc. That is especially dependent on the age of the child - and I'm guessing you are talking about your 13 year old? Here it would be VERY unlikely to move a child that age who is doing well where he is, just becaue the birth parent had chosen to move to another city or province.

[ml4474]

That makes me feel better b/c on the selfish side - I want to at least be able to see him on occation... He is 13 and will be 14 in Nov. so I'm hoping that DHR will take his feelings into account b/c he does not want to go to MI. I know he would love to be able to go home to his bf and I've heard him say that if he could have one wish he would want to "be able to go back and change his ** and bf before he was taken". He has also said (and this is since he has been with us) that he would like to stay with us and just visit his parents. When I asked why he told me that he loves his parents but he feels better here. I know I'm being selfish but he is such a great kid and he has become an important part of our entire family - aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents....


His plan includes both TPR and RU... This is odd but they are still giving the bios the opportunity to fix their situation but if they have not done so by April 2007 (was Oct 2006) they are going to TPR. He has been in state custody for 2.5 years)

[stevenstwin]

Oh, that sounds so much like our boy in some ways! He wants SO bad to go home to his "dad" (actually an uncle), but I think what he REALLY wants is for his dad to make the kind of home he CAN go back to! He never wavers in saying he wants to go home, but he's also pretty adamant that if he does NOT get to, he wants to stay with us. The poor kid is so mixed up in his feelings, but I think we had a little breakthrough this week. Lately he's gone through a phase of really "pulling away" from us, and I told him that was troubling me. SO...he told his counsellor. She asked him "why" and he said he was afraid to get close to someone else that will disappear from his life. She said "Oh, I hadn't realized they were moving to Mars!" That startled him - and made him laugh . She pointed out that we are right down the street, so even if he DOES go home he isn't going to lose us. That really helped him, and I can't imagine how upset he would be if his dad was planning to move him hours away.

[ml4474]

I've read a lot of your posts and I really like how you think about things... I wish we lived closer together so we could be come better friends!

[Ians mom]

We are in a similar situation, FD's mom moved out of state just after she was place in foster care and tried to get the case moved. It didnt work that way so she has to come here for visits and the case stayed in the county/state it was started in. I think it is up to the SW as to whether or not the case is transferred.

[ml4474]

This is SO good to hear!!! Thank you all!!!