[ml4474]

Apparently, I've made a big mistake. Our first SW told me not to let the bios start calling the house but when the new SW started she said it would be ok for them to call and thought it was a good idea... so I let them call. Calls went fine and I had no problem with them. Then I made my mistake... b/c the bio could not/had not attended a visit in over a month I volunteered to take fs to his aunt's house for a supervised visit. I did this for fs and I think he enjoyed the visit. Now, I'm getting at least two calls a week for me to bring the fc to the aunt's house or meet them at other places. They live over 20 miles away and they are only allowed visits every other week. BioDad was very mad when he called today b/c I had not answered his two previous calls (I was not home). Then he became angry again when I told him he would have to call the SW to setup visits - the previous visit was also setup through her. I do not like these people calling the house and yelling at me b/c they do not have transportation to see their kids. I can understand their frustration and desire to see their children but you would think that after 3 years they might consider getting a car so they could see their children. Has anyone else been in this situation where you are receiving inappropriate phone calls?

(The drive to their home is no longer an issue because I refuse to drive that far to help someone and then have them curse and yell at me. Not to mention that they don't have money for food so they had their children ask me to feed them on the last visit

[mj77]

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear this. I CAN NOT believe a cw would suggest it was fine to have a bparent call YOUR home ! These parents don't have guardianship for a reason. You are not a licensed social worker or cw I assume? Your state should not expect you to be monitoring visits. Block their number, change yours--seriously and let the state deal with the visits and details. Sounds to me like the bfamily wants to bypass the state workers and work through you. You aren't paid for that job (at least we aren't in our state of OR).

Don't feel bad being firm with your state.

I wish you the best with this situation.

[stevenstwin]

Yikes - I have to agree that changing your number might be necessary. I'm so sorry that they took your generosity and are using it to abuse you like this :-( My fs's bios have our home phone number (HE gave it to them! But I don't suppose it would be hard to find since he calls them from here all the time) but they haven't called once- and I'm glad.

[japit823]

My situation is a little different since we have our two nephews, but I know enough of my sister to listen in. They would promise different things during the calls "you are coming home soon" "we fixed up your room and painted it" "we are getting you a puppy for your birthday" as soon as something inappropriate was said the child had to say goodbye. They even told them "don't let them ruin you!" I told GAL about it judge warned parents and if they say something they are not supposed to they will not be permitted to talk to them on phone again. I also get the phone calls from them yelling at me, even the fathers brother has called on numerous occasions. I have told them 'HEY ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY ARE HERE, IF WE DIDN'T TAKE THEM THEY WOULD BE WITH STRANGERS'

I love my caller ID Now when my phone rings, if is them and I don't feel like dealing with it, I let the answering machine get it, you can use that in court or play it for CW or GAL because they know they are being recorded. Good Luck

[sgtfirstwife]

In my state (CA) the parents have always called our home. Most of the time we have had no problem. The last parents are okay, but would call very early in the morning or late at night. Like the kids are up at 10 pm. So I finally laid down the law and told him that he had to call before 9 am or before 7 pm. No calls from noon to 3 (the kids nap). So far he has followed our rules. The only time he got upset was when he could not reach us on Fathers Day.....hello my husband is a father too.
We have caller ID, so if I am busy or if they have already called for that day (they are only allowed one call a day) then I just don't answer.

[lostboys]

[quote=mj77]Gosh, I'm sorry to hear this. I CAN NOT believe a cw would suggest it was fine to have a bparent call YOUR home !

All Of FC receive calls from their Bio's at our home. Some of them have supervised calls and some are allowed only 2 calls a month and some are allowed daily calls. We have only really had a couple of bio's who abused this. One of them started calling collect!

I thought calls from Bio's where pretty standard.

[ml4474]

I'm pretty sure that the bios will be able to call the house when their children are here full time but right now we are visiting resources until the class is finished. FCs are only here ~5 days a month. We are getting calls from the bios when their children are not with us and then they get mad b/c we "won't let them talk to their children". They don't seem to be able to comprehend, "Your children are not here right now".



We are being called to take FC to visits and supervise the visits when we don't have the children - I'm fine with this b/c it just means I get to see them more often. But, I do not think I should be the sounding board for the bios that have started yelling and cursing at me b/c "You're keeping me from my kids". It is NOT my fault the children are not with their bios.



I also do not feel that I should be the only one getting the kids to their parents for visits. I am fine meeting them half way and on occasion driving them all the way but to be expected by the bios to make one trip a week to the aunt's house to see their mother (100 miles) and then another trip in the same week to allow them to see their father (50 miles) is a reasonable request. I think at some point the bios should make an effort to see their children without me doing all of the driving. The bios know where the children are 25 days out of the month and it isn’t with us right now…



The bio father just called me and started yelling and cursing me again b/c he hasn’t seen his son in over a year. (???) I told him all visits have to be setup through DHR but he will not call the sw. This raises a red flag for me! Why won’t he call her?



I’m sure some of you all think I should get over it b/c this is what you deal with when you become a FP so I’d love to hear from you. Maybe I will learn a better way to handle the situation. I’m not being unrealistic – I don’t think…

By the way, I do not get ANY reimbursements for mileage, food, clothing, etc. which I have bought all of them – they needed the things I bought. I have also had to buy meals for the bios, the aunt and her 5 children along with the foster children when I’ve taken them on visits. The FC asked if I could get some food b/c there wasn’t any at the house…

[aunlanpo]

Good Grief!!

If you're married, have your husband set some boundaries.

(it's a guy thing - protector of the house, that whole deal. I know it sounds sexist, but believe me, I'm more on the feminist side! But guys just respond better to the guy who is in charge of protecting a house! For real!)

So just tell the bios when they may call... how often, and that they may not ever raise their voices to anyone on the line or speak in a nasty tone, or you will block their number. I know changing your number is a pain, so just BLOCK it. You can call your phone company and ask them how, but it may be as easy as entering a star code and the number to block. Very simple.

edit-
So, after you give phone boundaries, then you can talk to them about transportation. Just tell them what you are or are not willing to do. If you are not willing, just tell them you aren't able to do it anymore. If they pressure you about "why", you don't have to tell them. Just repeat that you aren't able to. If they raise their voice, just hang up on them and block the number.

That's exactly what I'd do. I would not allow anyone to speak to me that way. And it's ok if they don't like you for not putting up with it. After all, YOU are the one feeding, clothing, housing, providing structure, and loving THEIR kids! You don't owe them anything.

[ml4474]

Ok, I've set boundries... again. I have blocked the pay phone number he has been calling on... None of this worked so I'm going to have to have the phone number changed or just ignore the phone when it's him. The only time he does this is when he is using so he must have gotten some money from somewhere. Thank you for the advise...

[DCMomLady]

When I had trouble with our TPR'd birthdad calling all the time when he was drunk or stoned, I used the "husband says No" excuse. It worked. In fact, bdad was proud of my husband for standing up to me! (He had the idea that I was his friend and supporter a role that had helped me gather much of the incriminating evidence against him.) Anyway, he has never called since the day I said that hubby had put his foot down and insisted that I quit talking to him.

[ml4474]

Good Idea! I will try that before changing the phone number.

[vesw01]

There is no way my phone number is getting out - this is my private home and they don't pay my mortgage or the phone bill. I signed up to do foster care not be taken advantage of.

To ML there is no way I would be transporting those kids without at least mileage. We are at least guarnteed that...but it isn't our problem to provide transport to visits so we don't. We were VERY clear about that from the beginning, I work full time and so does my husband.... I am not a taxi service for people I don't know. And there is NO WAY I would purchase food for anyone........talk about being taken for a ride. Put your foot down and tell them you are giving two weeks notice and they will be responsible for all of it after that timeframe is up.

[floridahgul]

I'm usually just a lurker but I had to chime in on this subject. I am curently fostering a 10 month old and I made the mistake of giving the ** and BGrandmother my cell phone number. They call everyday sometime three or four times a day and it I don't answer, they leave nasty messages. I got my husband to set some boundaries but they still call when ever they feel like. I feel like I am being harassed for trying to be nice and I just want to change my number but it is the only way that my family has to get a hold of me and I am in the Military so I am away from home. Anyway not sure what to do about them calling all the time...