[TNfostermom]

We got a new placement on Monday, a 19 month old boy. He is the sweetest little thing. His cw called me today and said they are planning on changing his goal from RU to Adoption in about 3 weeks. We are already planning on adopting our 10 month old fd. I hadn't expected something like this to come up. How do you decide if you want to adopt when you have only had the child for a couple of days? My cw asked me today if we would be interested. I told her we needed to get to know him a little better. He is very well behaved, no medical issues and is a beautiful little boy. I have prayed about it, but I was wondering if anyone else has had something like this happen to them. Is it fair to him to ask DCS to give us some time to decide if we want to adopt?

[stevenstwin]

Absolutely it is fair to ask for time to decide! I'd say that you'll consider it - but you know the process isn't going to move THAT quickly anyway, so I dont' see a big rush (Unless you were absolutely SURE that you did NOT want to adopt - and then I can see why they want to move him to a potential adoptive home). . You definitely need time to get to know him before you make a permanent committment!

[swanzie]

I always liked the answer - when the child is legally free we can discuss it then. It kinda keeps your mind set that this is still a foster child and can go home...once the notion is set in your heart that the baby is yours - it is even harder to let go. (at least that's how I feel)...so even when I was asked this question a zillion times with my two - I just let them know that I would be willing to discuss it when and if it was a real possiblity.

I just couldn't the notion in that they are staying until it was really happening. I didn't want to set myself up for that extra heartbreak.

[5starday]

I agree, dealing with having to answer on what if's is an unnecessary emotional yank on the heart string!

I would simply tell the CW when, and if, the TPR happens, you'd be willing to discuss it then but that you are open to the idea. Being open to the idea doesn't shut the door, it simply leaves it open to make the decision for what is best for your family AND the baby.

You also need to see how your family coexists with the young ones in your home. It takes time, you're allowed to take it if you need to!

[Chancey]

I think most of the posters are forgetting that TPR may take a while, and the best thing for a child so young is to be in their forever home as soon as they possibly can. Hence the reason for legal risk placements. I do not think it is in the child's best interest to wait until TPR is done for the current placement to decide if they want to keep him. The problem arises if they decide they don't want to adopt and then the child is possibly 2 1/2 years or more old and has to be moved again. Better to move to a legal risk home that is willing to take him or consider yourself a legal risk home and make that decision up front. Remember... we are supposed to be doing what is in "THE BEST INTERST OF THE CHILD".